7 month old can't settle - am I making it worse?

[clareharley]

Hello,
We're having a really hard time with naps and bedtime and I was wondering if anyone could help. What I'm wondering is, how long should I leave DS (7 months) to cry/shout before intervening? I've never left himt to cry and I don't really want to start but PUPD/shhh pat pat hasn't worked for us for a while now and I feel that me being in the room with him is more of a distraction than anything else. I spent a lot of last week just letting him thrash about in his cot while I stayed in the room (out of his sight) doing loud, deep breathing to calm him down. It seemed to work but now he's actually crying both when I put him down and when he wakes up. It takes a good half hour to get him to sleep and he won't sleep more than half an hour now. We've been struggling with OT for a while and I've tried EVERYTHING and nothing is working so I've kind of given up on that one. Don't mean to sound defeatist but he's learning to crawl and has 3 new teeth coming through so I'm hoping it's just a phase that will pass on its own (although it's been going on for a month now).

I'm worried that he's unlearning all the work we've done over the months in getting to sleep. I don't want to make it worse so I'm not sure how involved I should be - will he come to rely on me more and more to get to sleep - or should I be letting him work it out for himself a bit more. Thing is, he gets so upset and frustrated - mixture of being overtired, wanting to get up and crawl and just wanting to go to sleep but body won't keep still long enough to let him!

Does anyone have any advice?

[mommy2mason]

Like you said, it sounds like he's definitely OT. It's also an exciting time for him, like you mentioned about learning to crawl and getting teeth, which can disrupt his sleep. What does his routine look like? Have you tried decreasing A time? Are you doing a nice wind down before sleep?

[elmarie]

I do agree with Amy-it does sound as if he may be OT.  My dd dis something similar when she was teething.  Please post your routine so we can have a look at it-it may need some tweaking

Elmarie X

[clareharley]

OK. Routine is:
Wake up between 4.30/5.30am (difficult to know exactly as he wakes up/dozes/sleeps noisily)
Eat 6am (breast in bed with me then 6oz formula & cereal)
Activity until 8am
Sleep from 8.15/8.30 until 9.00/9.30

Eat 10am (6oz formula and natural yoghurt with fruit)
Activity
Sleep between 12/12.30 until 1/1.30pm

Eat 2pm (6oz formula with solids - meat, fish, mash, veg etc)
Activity
Sleep between 4/4.30 until 5pm

Eat 5.15/5.30 (6oz formula and rice pudding or something similar)
Bath
Bed by 6pm

I know his naps are short. We've always struggled with daytime naps and I've tried everything and it seems to be impossible to get him to stay asleep any longer. We've been through many OT phases in the past and since starting BW. We used to average 2 1/2 - 3hrs a day now it's 1 1/2 - 2hrs. The 4pm one I've started doing in the buggy because we went for over a week without me managing to get him to sleep in his cot.
My main worry is that he's taking so long to settle and I don't know if it's my presence, intervention, that's making him more reliant on me to get to sleep. It can often now take me half an hour to settle him and he'll only stay asleep for half an hour. Because he's so hyper and in to everything, even a darkened room seems too much of a distraction so wind down time is difficult. He won't keep still for a second so, I've taken to sitting him down with cartoons on the TV in the morning - I know this sounds ridiculous but if I sit him down he's really happy and keeps still and eventually starts yawning/rubbing his eyes. If I leave him to his new found sliding/crawling mobility, he'll be impossible to calm down by nap time. The lunchtime nap I take him for a walk in the buggy and then, once he's in his sleeping bag, I kind of pin him down to the bed. Again, I know this sounds mad. He doesn't know he's being pinned down, I just hold on to the corners of his sleeping bag and he's then happy to listen to me sing him lullabys/tell him stories. Then I put him in his cot. Otherwise, if I held him he'd be pushing away and trying to crawl up me, same goes for sitting him on my lap or anything else that's still.

With regards the teething thing, it never seems to bother him during the day so I don't believe it to be the cause of the crying/fussing at nap/bed times. Having said all this, he did go to sleep remarkably quickly tonight, I only had to go back in to him once and then he was fine.

Sorry, this is very long. Do you think then that the difficulty in settling is just another symptom of OT?

[elmarie]

My dd used be fine during the day when she was teething but come bedtime she would start fussing so if he used settle well and now fusses it may well be his teeth.  Maybe try giving him so pain meds and see if the situation improves.

He is definitely OT.  His naps are too short for his age.  Remember a 45 min nap will not be restorative so A time needs to be shorter if he has bad naps.  It is very good that your bedtime is early.  Keep his A time to 2.5- 3h between naps but if the nap is short the A time needs to be shorter.  If you want to preserve bedtime you can always offer a catnap just to get him through bedtime.

Keep us updated

Elmarie X

[clareharley]

Thanks. I'll try reducing A time a bit. It used to be 2.5hrs then it was suggested I gradually move to 3hrs. I'll try going back down to 2.5hrs again and see how I get on. Will let you know how it goes.

[elmarie]

 

[serap]

someone posted that cio caused issues later on.  what were they?

also, my LO only naps 2 45 min naps during the day sincr she was 2 months old.  that's just the way she is.  I wouldn't worry too much about the naps. 

I would sooth LO until the OT passes.  There's no harm in that for now.

[clareharley]

Hello,

Sorry but I'm back again.  DS is now getting around 1.5hrs sleep on a good day and is still waking up early 5/5.30am and is a restless sleeper at night. In order to preserve my own sanity I have just got to accept that there's nothing I can do. I've tried everything - increasing A time, reducing A time, extending wind down, earlier bedtime etc. etc and I just see it getting steadily worse. I know this is probably down to teething and learning to crawl and so what I'm wondering is how long is this phase likely to last? He's been trying to crawl for a couple of months now and has had 4 new teeth pop through over the past 2 weeks so I know his little body is going through a lot.
I know I sound as though I'm giving up but I seem to spend my life trying to get him to sleep, trying to get him back to sleep and it's making us both miserable - I'm miserable because it seems like 3hrs is unattainable and I feel like a failure, Harley's miserable because he's tired and all the screaming and crying that goes with trying to get him to sleep just makes him more tired. I just feel that the harder I try the worse it gets.
I guess it's a silly question to ask how long these phases last. We've been going though this for a month now - is that reasonable? Should I expect a few more?
I'm sorry, I feel like I'm constantly posting on this website expecting someone to come up with a magic formula. I really appreciate everyone's suggestions and I hope I'm not sounding ungrateful for all the advice.

[elmarie]

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time and it will get better.  Teething and milestones do cause havoc with routine.  Just stick to your 4 h EASY and be consistent even though he resists.  It can take a few weeks if his cutting molars... we have all been there and it is really hard but just persevere.

Keep us updated and we are here if you re going through a tough time

E XX

[clareharley]

Thank you for being so nice. I will keep you updated.

[elmarie]