3 Year Old - Scared of monsters!!!!

[jennm0474]

My 3 year old DD has always been a great sleeper......then 6 months ago DS was born.  First she was waking at 5am...we finally resolved that issue and suddenly she is refusing to go to bed at night because there "monsters" in her room.
She is all out hysterically crying at bedtime - and I can't even get her to lay down.
I am at a loss 

I haven't changed her bedtime routine at all.
Bathtime
Storytime
off to bed

but now after story time she starts SCREAMING crying.

When my DH puts her to bed she calls for me, when I put her to bed she calls for him.  It's aweful. 

Any advice or suggestions would be APPRECIATED!!!!!

[M and N's Mom]

We went through this with DD although she was about 4.5yo.  We talked about monsters being friendly ("Is Elmo scary?...No.  Is Cookie Monster scary?...No. etc).  We stopped watching any TV other than dvd's for a while (it was actually a Backyardigan's episode about ghosts that started things). 

Then we also got a bottle of "Monster Spray" (an old water bottle that I made a label for and filled with water).  Before bed we went to every corner of her room, under her bed, behind the door, in the closet, etc. and sprayed the monster spray.  We told her that although we couldn't smell it, it was smelly to monsters and it would keep them away.  She did this for number of nights.  She also slept with the bottle on her nighttable "just in case" she needed it.

Anyway, other than that we tried to keep routines as much the same as possible and eventually the phase passed.

HTH a bit!

[Peek-a-boo]

I read some where that around this age their imagination is really developing, but that they are also very literal and so they can imagine monsters that can really scare them, but because there's a word for "monster" they won't get that they aren't real.  Why would the word exist if monsters aren't real.

Like Sari suggested, I read a suggestion that you can use their imagination to your benefit and come up with a creative way to ward of monsters (love monster spray!) or perhaps help her imagine an angel who sits awake by her bed all night or a knight in shining armor with a big shield, etc . . .whatever would resonate with her. 

[Mydreamcametrue]

I went through this with my 2 1/2 year old when my DS2 was born almost 6 months ago too.  He never used the words monster, but he deft. did not want to sleep by himself. 

He ended up sleeping with me for a few months and now is back in his room, but WILL NOT let me turn the light off.

We installed a light dimmer and leave the light on for him.  Once he is asleep, I dim the light low, but still on because if I turn it all the way off, when he wakes at night he will scream.

I would try the dimmer, maybe it is more the dark she is afraid of. 

[isaac'smom]

We went through this too. Ds is now over it. I think it's due to their increasing capacity for imaginative thoughts. I think you're right about the tv/dvd's causing some of the fear as well. I like the idea of talking about cookie monster, Elmo, etc. I'll have to try that if the monsters reappear!

Just an alternative viewpoint...we opted to not use the monster spray as we felt that would be sending ds the message that monsters are, in fact real if we have to use monster spray to keep them out. Instead, we found that ds responded to us saying, "monsters aren't real, they're only in books/on tv. we don't allow scary things in our house anyways...mommy and daddy wouldn't let any scary things in". I know some people have suggested putting a sign on their bedroom door saying, "No Monsters Allowed" or something to that effect. Again, we chose not to as we felt it was saying that monsters are real.

We also made sure to spend lots of time in his room during the day to make it a positive, happy, fun place to be. Having a teddy bear (or 2, or 3, or 4.....like our ds!) helped too. We told him to cuddle with his bears if he was scared.

HTH! 

[MamaC]

We told our ds that our dog, Tucker wouldn't allow monsters to come in the house.  And we talk a lot about how monsters aren't real.  I guess I contradicted myself with those two but he got better!

What about a night light?

[M and N's Mom]

  I guess I contradicted myself with those two but he got better!

I did that too.  We talked about monsters not being real and being in someone's imagination, but also had the monster spray.  Eventually she did clue in and say she didn't need the monster spray because they weren't real.

[jennm0474]

I think we are sending her some mixed messages as well.
She has a nightlight which is quite bright - it dimly lights up the whole room.  Then she has her "buddies" in her bed.  A wide array of beanie babies and webkins (about 10) which all protect her.  Especially her German Shepard beanie babie "courage" he sits on the pillow next to her and "watches our for monsters" - she thought this up on her own.

I agree with the concept that "monsters aren't real - so there is nothing to be afraid of" but DH read somewhere that you shouldn't just dismiss their fears as something that isn't real.  That it could possibly make your child less likely to come to you when something is bothering them if you dismiss their fear as not real.

So we have switched gears and are now not saying "there's no such thing" anymore.  She has a play kitchen in her room and the salt shaker has now become MONSTER DUST that keeps monsters away.

The light, the stuffed animals, the monster dust.....none of this is helping bedtime.  Once she's asleep - she's fine, but the whole bedtime process is taking almost and hour.
She is TERRIFIED at bedtime - I can tell and I feel awful about it.  She wants be to sleep in her bed - or sleep in my bed, but I don't want to open that can of worms!!!!

[jennm0474]

Also - she doesn't watch too much TV at home - but she goes to an at home daycare 3 days a week and I think she may be watching some things there that she shouldn't be.  I need to talk to the daycare provider and find out.

[M and N's Mom]

I can tell and I feel awful about it.  She wants be to sleep in her bed - or sleep in my bed, but I don't want to open that can of worms!!!!

That is exactly why we kept bedtime routine as consistent as possible with the exception of adding a few more calming songs and staying a bit longer.  For us it was about 6 weeks-2 months and then things returned to normal but it was quite a while.

[Mum to cool dude]

Oh hugs, the whole thing must be draining for all 

Monsters are not a real issue for us, but when DS mentions them, I say that monsters are afraid of Mummy so they don't come into the house.

I agree about being careful about what she is exposed to, as it doesn't take much to make an impression and they notice more than we think they do

[LovelyLilyandJack]

If it helps, I call out to all the monsters (and diggers and cranes - I have a strange child!) once lights are out that they're not allowed in Lily's room,  that they have to get out and stay out or there'll be trouble. I use my Mummy's In Charge voice and she seems to think that monsters will do as I say as I am an authority in the house (in theory!  ). She says shadows are monsters and we also showed her what was making the shadows but said we'd tell them all to go away just in case. I have to say it every night but she's ok with it now.  She also has a nightlight and a very dim torch which she's allowed to sleep with and that helped LOADS too. I think she liked the idea that she could shine it anywhere she was worried about. 

It is really hard though - I hope the phase passes quickly for you.