Crib to big boy bed a disaster...please help, desperate!!!

[jmhappy100]

Samuel is 17 months old and a very physically active little boy.  We moved him to a big boy bed over the weekend due to rapid increase in his climbing abilities, we figured we should probably get him out of the crib before he landed on his head.  We used the PD method with gradual withdrawal and eventually WI/WO in October and had great success, prior to that it had been 13 months of up every hour or two, needing my husband or I to put him back to sleep.  After about 3 weeks to a month he was sleeping through the night and 1 good nap a day...I can't tell you what a change this made for all of us!!!  He usually falls asleep right away at night, and will mess around in his crib for about 15 or 20 minutes at nap time before he falls asleep.

But, now I feel like we are right back where we started...and I'm freaking out...I can't go through all those sleepless nights and days again.

His crib is one of those that converts into a toddler bed, all you do is taking one railing off and replace it with the toddler side rails.  So, the first 2 days we would just walk him back to his bed if he came out of his room.  We kept the whole routine the same, same number of stories, same songs, same good night I love you stuff...literally the only difference is the railing on the one side of the bed. 

Day one first sleep in big boy bed was at night, he slept all night

Day two, no nap at all, I spent two hours walking him back to bed.  I didn't make eye contact, or talk to him. He didn't cry or fuss, he just thought this was a fun new game.  That night he got up once at midnight and went back to bed without much fuss, he cried out once then back to sleep.

Day three, I spent an hour walking him back then he slept for two hours...not to bad.  That is about a normal nap for him.  That night my husband spent an hour and a half walking him back to bed at PD time.  He was mantra crying and carrying on.  Finally my husband sat next to the bed and he fell asleep.  (Hasn't had to do this since OCT when we were starting the training)  Then he was up again an hour and a half later and was being walked back to bed for the next three hours (mantra crying the whole time)!  My husband and I traded off, it was just getting to be too much for either one of use to handle so, my husband again sat next to the bed and he feel sleep.  He slept 10 minutes then up again.  My husband just took him back to bed and sat there again.  He slept for 4 hours and then was up for the day.

My husband and I rethink plan, maybe we need to do gradual withdrawal moving more out of room every two days, by day six of that go back to walking him back to bed.  It worked last time, maybe it will work again...we just don't know.  He seems to have lost his ability to put himself back to sleep...maybe he is feeling insecure now that the railing is down, I don't know so that is the reasoning behind the gradual withdrawal then go to walking him again.

So, day four I sit in his room at nap time he seems confused messes around for 20 minutes then goes to sleep, probably because he only got about 5 hours total the night before.  He sleeps an hour then is out of his room.  I go back in and sit by the bed, he tries to sleep again, but can't really get there, this goes on for another hour.  Then that night my husband sits in his room he falls asleep about 10 minutes.  Then he is up again 3 hours later.  My husband sits with him thinks he is asleep 2 minutes later he is up again, this goes on like this for an hour.  Then he finally sleeps the rest of the night.

Day 5 today.  This is the second day of sit by his bed (about 2 feet away).  He messes around for an hour.  In and out of the bed, poke me, I would simply ignore him, no eye contact no talking, just guide him back to his bed.  Then he played with books, his blanket, and then finally started messing around with the door.  I snapped at him and told him to go to bed, it is nap time.  He cried for about 30 seconds then got into bed and went to sleep.  Which is where he is now.

I don't know what to do, it seemed like the gradual withdrawal was a good idea, but today I was just an audience...I just want him sleeping again...please help, I'm desperate.  We thought about putting a gate up, but all that does is keep him in his room, it doesn't help him sleep, right???

Any help is welcome...please

[Peek-a-boo]

Seventeen months is pretty young to switch to a big boy bed; not that it can't be done, but, especially for a spirited LO, there's a lot of stimulation in being able to climb out and if he's spirited to start with . . .

Have you considered getting a crib tent and sticking with the crib for a bit longer?

[Layla]

I agree with Bethany... although it can be done with some toddlers, I know mine would not take very well to it . I think the temptation of coming out of the room and monkeying about is too much for some toddlers, especially that young.... I would also give the crib tent a go.

Has he actually tried to get out of the cot? My 35mo has only just been transitioned to a big bed... although she could probably climb out earlier, she never tried to until a month ago.

[jmhappy100]

I know he is young, but he is pretty advanced...meaning he was walking at well by nine and a half months and he is already 34 inches tall!  He is definitely a spirited child

We have certainly considered putting the crib railing back up since he has not actually tried to get out yet, but he is climbing other gates in the house, he hasn't made it over one yet, but I have caught him over halfway up.  So we were trying to be ahead of it.

We don't want to mess him up with more accidental parenting like before, which is why we decided that since we already made the switch it was better to stick to it and work through it, then flip back and totally confuse him.  Does that make sense?

[Peek-a-boo]

You're definitely right that consistency is paramount in sleep training matters, BUT if you start the training with a plan that isn't age-appropriate, it's possible that no amount of consistency will lead to success, kwim?  If some one posted that they'd been doing pu/pd with a one month old for 2 weeks and they weren't seeing progress, I'd advise them to stop at once because pu/pd isn't an age-appropriate strategy for that age LO, so continuing on, isn't going to improve the situation.  Better to stop, cut your losses, and resume with a more age appropriate plan.  Now, that's a bit of an unfair comparison, because there are people who successfully transition 17 month olds out of cribs, BUT, it is really on the young side AND if your LO is spirited, he's more suseptible to over stimulation any how and so keeping him contained in a crib for a while has serious benefits. 

My spirited DS is 27 months old and we're in the midst of transitioning him--we've converted his crib as you have.  I really wanted to keep him  in the crib until he was at least 3 and would have liked to get a crib tent, but my DH was being a stick in the mud about the crib tent  and in the mean time DS did discover how to get out of the crib (without hurting himself), so we felt forced to try to transition him.  Our plan was this--we ordered a crib tent as they weren't available locally and in the mean time we converted the crib to the toddler bed.  We figured if the transition was a disaster when the crib tent arrived we'd try that; if the transition was working we'd return the crib tent. 

We decided that it was best to keep things as much the same as possible and since DS was used to falling asleep without us in the room, we decided to keep it that way.  Our presence is very stimulating to him, so we figured if we stayed in the room and tried to force him to stay in bed it would turn into a game and backfire.    We did everything we could think of to make his room safe, did our normal wind down routine, but him in bed and left.  Our plan was not to go back in unless we heard a genuine cry and then we would return him to bed and do wi/wo as needed.  He'd been skipping naps some anyhow (which is what gave him the time to devise a way to get out of the crib), so the first few days during nap time he just played in his room, but we never went in as he was content and didn't need us.  Being so tired from skipping naps, he has yet to get out of his bed at night time.  He just goes to sleep like he did before.  I had pretty much resigned myself to his never naping again (he's never been a great day time sleeper; always a better night sleeper--so I figured he'd drop the nap on the young side . . . although this is pretty young), so I was working on shifting his bed time earlier so he could make up with extra night sleep.   Then we both got sick.  He's actually napped in his bed the past 3 days.  I imagine when he's healthy he start skipping naps again, but I do feel at peace that despite the ability to get out of bed, he will nap if he's genuinely tired. 

All of that to say, if you decide to stick with transitioning, you might consider getting a gate for his door and only going to him if he needs you and trust that the novelty will wear off and/or exhaustion will take over and he'll resume sleeping. 

TBH, though, at his age, I'd get a crib tent and just plan on keeping him in he crib until he's 2.5-3.  You mention his being advanced--walking young etc--some times early walking makes us feel like they are ready to do every thing early, but I honestly sort of feel like it's the opposite.  They may move sooner than their peers, but that doesn't mean their emotionally/psychological maturity is any extra advanced.  So they have the mobility of an older child, but not the maturity to know how to channel it.  In these cases it makes more sense to me to protect them from their mobility (ie with a crib tent) than to demand a level of emotional/psychological maturity (learning to stay in a bed w/o boundaries) for which he may not yet be ready. 

{{Hugs}} Sounds like everybody at your house is pretty tired.  I hope you're able to find a solution that works for your family and gets everybody sleeping well soon.   

[jmhappy100]

Thanks for the response Bethany   We are concerned that we made this transition too soon...but, my husband is adamant that we should stick this out and attempt to do the gradual withdrawal and then WI/WO.  He wants to give it at least another week...kind of like your plan, we will try this and if it doesn't work after a good solid effort we will cut our loses and go back, hoping that his new taste of freedom, doesn't inspire him to escape the crib.

He has definitely turned this into a game, but mostly at nap time.  At night he just seems to want us to sit with him, and he won't attempt to get out, then he falls asleep, and comes and gets us about 2 hours later to do it again.  So, nap time is the great struggle and it always has been. 

You said that you aren't going into your LO's room unless he really needs you...how are you keeping him in there?  Do you close the door or use a gate?  Samuel can't stand to have his door closed, he cries immediately.

sorry he is up, got to run

[Peek-a-boo]

We just shut his door--he's always slept with it shut and fortunately hasn't figured out how to open it yet.  But, like I mentioned, he has just played quietly on days he hasn't napped--hasn't called for us or banged the door .  . . so far.  My plan is that even if he doesn't nap, he'll still have at least an hour of quiet time in his bedroom on his own.   

[Layla]

With us we used to have the door shut..... she never knew otherwise but once she was in a big bed, she would come out as she knows how to open the door so the gate helped. The gate was actually supposed to be for Jasmine's room but Isabella wanted it on her door soooo its there now & its staying . So now we have the gate & the door is wide open. I close her door once she is asleep and then re-open it once we go to sleep.

[jmhappy100]

I really want to thank both of you for your help...we had a serious talk and decided that just because we made a decision (and this one was the wrong decision) we didn't have to stick with it...we trusted the baby whisperer to solve our sleep problems before, and it worked great...we decided to do that again now.  The book suggest waiting until they are at least 2, so we are going to follow that advice.  He has not actually tried to escape, so until he does it is back to the crib with him.

We switched the bed back last night and surprise, surprise he slept all night...I guess he needed the security of the crib wall.

thanks again:)

[Layla]

Thats great to hear!