Very distressed mom - DD refusing to eat

[Emma-Rose's mom]

My lo has been refusing to eat, and now I'm not sure what to do and have been very depressed lately. I don't know if anyone out there has any answers, advice or words of encouragement, but I can use some uplifting words right about now.

But first some history...

My DD always has had feeding issues, but we've always tried to ride out the rough patches...

When she was born, she had problems w/ latching as most newborns do. But when milk finally came in, of course I had to be the one w/ a strong let-down, so we went through several months of DD gagging, choking, crying, changing positions...but, we got passed this rough patch and eventually she got the better as time went along.

Then, at 4 weeks we started pumping and introducing the bottle since inevitably I would have to return to work. She never liked the bottle, and always prefered breast. But again, w/ some coaxing, she would eventually "give in" and take the bottle after a brief 10 minute period of fussing and crying. We did bottle once per day everyday before daycare began. Although we had some rough moments, we were able to maintain EASY schedule.

Back at work, and she transitioned to a 4-hr EASY, taking a bottle at daycare at 11:00 and 3:00. After a brief period of adjustment, she did fine. But she still had an issue with taking the bottles. She would fuss at her 11:00 bottle, but drank down her 3:00 one pretty fast. But as she has gotten older, her fussing has escalated. Everyday, she would fuss longer. It would take the daycare lady at least an hour for her to take even an ounce. Then she had gotten to the point where she wouldn't even take her 11:00 bottle at all, but would be so hungry that she would take double the ounces she drank at her 3:00 bottle. I thought...uh oh...but at least she was getting her calories in...

Well, to my dismay, she has now continued to refuse her 11:00 bottle. This has been going on for about two weeks now. Everyday, she even started drinking less and less at her 3:00 one. Yesterday, she only drank 1.5 ounces the entire day at daycare (she's there for 7 hours!!) To make matters worst, she's also refusing to nurse at breakfast (7:00 AM) before daycare. It's almost like every little thing that bothered her before is bothering her more-so now. She doesn't want the bottle but now is also refusing breast because of the let-down or because she's irritable from lack of food...She's always crying, crying, crying when it's time to nurse or take the bottle. It's like it's all a negative experience for her...

I just don't know. I thought maybe she's teething, or maybe she's sick, or maybe whatever! I'm so lost, I don't know what's wrong. I finally did manage to get her to nurse, but of course, it was three times in the middle of the night when she was half asleep. (She's pretty much been a good night sleeper up to this point, waking only due to hunger during GS) So, it's like I was going backwards feeding her at night instead of the day. It was the only time that she drank anything yesterday, (only 9 ounces within a 24 hour period) and truly I think it was because she was half asleep and was doing more of a DF and didn't protest.

I know babies go through changes, and I'm really trying to ride it out. But I am very sad, and not sure what else to do. Thank you ahead of time for listening to me ramble...

[VickyB20]

Mika - I'm so sorry you're having such concerns.

A few questions... how many ounces is she having in her bottles?  How has her sleep been affected?  (Did you wake her to df or did she wake up hungry?)

Anything else change in her routine?  How long has she been at daycare?

I'm sure things will get sorted soon.  It's not unusual for babies to have less hungry periods... I often found that mine were much less keen on food a week or so after a growth spurt had settled down.

Vicky

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Vicky, thanks for responding. I think I needed someone to talk to...

Since she's been on a 4-hr EASY, she was taking 4 ounces in her bottles, except the time she was on her GS, she was taking 5 or 6 ounces. It's comforting to hear that it's common for babies to have less hungry periods after GS, since this most recent feeding issue started right after a huge GS. It's just that I thought that she would at least take the same amount that she was taking before the GS  Anyway, I wouldn't worry so much if she was taking less food; it's just that having her skip bottles entirely and only take 1.5 ounces the entire day was really distressing to me.

As for her sleep issues, her A time is much smaller than it used to be since she started to refuse the bottle. She's less alert. Usually she can stay up 1.5 hrs, but recently 45 minutes and she's already showing sleepy signs for naps. So far, it hasn't really affected naps, but just night sleep. She usually sleeps through the nights from 7:30 AM to 6:00 AM. Recently, she has been waking herself up at nights. Normally my DH and I are really good about resettling her and not nursing at night unless we were sure that it was due to hunger. In the most recent NWs, I made the decision to go ahead and nurse/give bottle since she had only taken 3 ounces all day, and I wanted her to get milk in her tummy.

She's been at daycare since beginning of April. Her routine is changing constantly because her weird eating issue is throwing off her whole EASY schedule at the moment. She hasn't had a single consistent routine since this eating strike started since daycare has to keep trying to offer her the bottle every hour. Then eventually, she gets tired, and naps, and they offer her the bottle again after nap...

I did think maybe she's working on teeth...I've saw white specks under her gums, drooling, chewing on fingers... I tried tylenol and teething tablets to ease pain, and it didn't seem to make a difference. She still doesn't eat, so I'm not sure if it's teeth...

She's also congested, so I thought...hmmm...maybe she has a cold?

I just sometimes feel like such a bad mom. There's my lo crying everytime I try to offer her milk, and I know crying is her way of telling me something, but I don't know what it is she's trying to tell me and I don't know how to help...

Again, Vicki thanks for listening to me ramble...

[taygensmom]

My first thought is exactly what you said...she is trying to tell you something. While many babies will go through periods of eating a little less/more on a given day, to do so as conisistently as you are describing and with such protest signifies to me that there is a problem. Have you considered that there may be something medical going on. The first things that come to my mind are dysphagia (swallowing issues with symptoms such as frequent choking, gagging, refusals) or silent reflux (where the milk is coming back up into the esophogus and making it very uncomfortable to eat. Often accompanied by lost of arching and refusals and you may not actually see the spit up if it is "silent"). With both of the above issues it is common for babies to eat better when sleepy as well.

Not trying to make you more worried, but I think once you know what is really going on it will make it much easier to deal with it. IMHO I would ask my dr. to look into the possibility for either of these.

[Emma-Rose's mom]

I did consider that something medical might be going on, and I am planning on calling my pediatrician on Tuesday after the three-day weekend. I know it would ease my mind to talk to him.

[VickyB20]

What's her weight gain like?
Has this been happening consistently since the beginning of April?  Or just sporadically?
How much daytime sleep is she having?  Is she alert and active in the A time (even if it's shorter?)  Could she be horrifically overtired (and therefore waking at night) and is just too tired to eat properly?
I agree though that you need to rule out anything medical.
Whatever it is, you will get to the bottom of it very soon and it will pass.  Hang in there!
You're not a bad mum at all... you're trying to figure out what she's telling you and that, in itself, means that you are an attentive and 'good' mother.
Vicky

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

Just to be sure, I'd have her checked by the doctor and rule out any medical problems.  Otherwise it sounds like "reverse cycling".  She's holding out on the bottles waiting for you to bf her.  Maybe try the working moms support thread on the bf forum?  Sorry I can't help anymore but we didn't bf.  Another thing - we had issues around 3 months of age where Enfys didn't want her bottles much either, it turns out the flow of the teats was too fast for her and she was struggling.  Maybe a change in teats or bottles? 

[Emma-Rose's mom]

She went to the doctor for her 4 month physical two weeks ago, just before she started this feeding strike, and at that time, she was gaining weight fine. I don't have a scale at home, so I don't know if her growth has slowed since. She is alert, even though her A time is short.  She's basically been refusing 11:00 bottle everyday the past three weeks, although the first week she started refusing the bottle, she was at least taking double the ounces the 2nd bottle. But now, she is starting to refuse the 2nd bottle as well, and that's been going on for the past two weeks.

I did consider that she might be reverse cycling and holding out to bf after work, as well. But, I was confused with this b/c sometimes she also refused to bf on the weekends when she's not at daycare. That's why I was thinking maybe teeth...

But, for certain, I definitely need to talk to my ped. to see if there is anything else going on... She's been home for the weekend, and so far today, she's irritable during feeds, but she is eating a little since I'm not doing bottle at all but strictly bf. She doesn't stay on the breast very long, though. Better than nothing, I suppose...

[liacarmen]

Sending some hugs. They get much quicker around her age, so I'd be encouraged that she's eating with you.

[Averysgirl]

I would also talk the dr.  We had this issue when my DD was 3 months old, and she ended up being diagoned with reflux and is now on medication.  It seems to have helped.  I would also suggest trying to feed in a dark, non-distracting area.  Sometimes LOs get distracted or busy with things around them and are more interested in those things. 

Hope all goes well, I know how frustrating, sad, and confusing it can be when they don't eat. 

[Mum of 3 + 2 stepkids]

Just sending some hugs{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Kate x

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Well ladies, the good news is there is nothing medically wrong with my lo according to my ped.  Her weight gain has slowed, but she hasn't lost any weight from her lack of eating recently.  She is working on some teeth (the white specks under her gums were teeth afterall), but her teeth are shifting more than they are breaking through the gums. This may explain the periodic fussiness and refusal to nurse or take bottle in general. But, we think that her refusal to take bottle specifically at daycare is more of an issue of her being too distracted by the activity at daycare to eat or holding out to bf with me in the evenings. I guess it's been a lot of different things that have compounded into one big eating issue.  Do any of you ladies have any suggestions for what to do w/ DDs that are holding out to bf? Unfortunately, we can't do much about her distractions, as there are other kids always there. My daycare lady has to look out for them, too, so she can't take DD to a separate, more quiet place to eat while also keeping an eye on the others los. But, if she's holding out to bf in the evenings after work, is there any trick or suggestions on how I can start working on that?

[liacarmen]

Could she try feeding her under a blanket? When my son was that age, I had to put a diaper on his head to get him to sleep because he was so darn curious. People look at you funny, but it worked.

[lidiayy]

Hi!

My DD has had some moments when she just wouldn't latch. You'll find some suggestions in the link below.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/back-to-breast.html

You'll also find something to help at the daycare!

http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/distractible-baby.html

Good luck and lots of hugs!

Lidia   

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Thank you all for the hugs. I really needed them! DDs NW has increased since she's hungrier now at night after an entire day of not eating enough. At least this will help boost my milk supply back up, which has started to drop recently. Today, she took 1 bottle at daycare. Success! Now if I can get her back to 2 bottles at daycare, things would be back to normal again. But a little at a time, right?