How do I enjoy life while following EASY?

[ericapt]

Hello-
This is sort of a branch off of the thread titled obsessing over routines.  That is EXACTLY what I do.  I obsess so much about following LO's routine that I feel I have completely neglected myself and my relationship with others, including my husband.  I have avoided outings and going to visit family and friends and only run errands when dh is home to care for LO.  I do work part-time, but my parents have LO those 2 days/week and I come straight home after work and follow our usual routine.  Can anyone give me some advice or pointers on how to follow EASY, but still enjoy life?  We never go to restaurants or anywhere else because everything seems to interfere with LO's naps/routine.  I've even stopped going to church because it falls right in between 2 naps so he would potentially miss both naps that day.  What does everyone else do?  Do you all go out and just wing it or plan activities at certain times of the day to disturb the least amount of the day as possible.  I really need some help because right now I feel stressed all of the time.  I want to enjoy life AND baby while helping him to sleep/eat/play well.  Any advice is appreciated.!  Thank you all!

[Andrea T]

Hi Erica~

Just wanted to let you know you're definately not alone!  I definately found myself doing very similar things when we first started EASY with our DS at 4 months.  He's now 6 months, and I've learned to make EASY adapt to our lives (because it's great when you can stay home and are happy doing it, but when you can't or don't want to, it sometimes left me feeling like a failure!)  Usually what I do, is if we go to an event, or playdate at a person's house, I really just wing it that day.  I do try to schedule our outings to be in our lo's A time, but if it's not possible, then I try to have him nap while we're out (which rarely happens) so if he doesn't nap while we're out, then I just try to make the best of it, and once he's clearly very cranky and tired out, we head home.  Then for the rest of the day I just let him nap whenever he will, and for as long as he wants. Then, the next day, I'll try to be home for all of his naps, and he seems to get back on track ok.

I have to say that between 5-6 months things were very very haywire for our lo.  He went from 2 naps+the catnap, down to just 2 naps, and so it was a rough time as he sorted this out.  Now though, that he's on just 2 naps, it's like a whole new world has opened up!  His A times went from 2-2.25 hours at 5 months, now to 3-4 hours at 6 months, so he progressed very quickly.  He rarely gets OT, so when we do come home from an event, he still seems to sleep not too badly.  (Although we have NW's for feeding issues, but that's another story!)  But just wanted to tell you that it DOES get better!!!!

Personally, I think it's really important to strike a balance.  EASY has been the best thing that ever happened to us, but I've learned that I have to break the rules sometimes in order to keep mine and DH's sanity.  At first, it was really hard for me to break the rules, since I felt I had worked SO hard to get DS on EASY, and really didn't want to mess it up.  But after a few times of breaking the rules, I've found that lo's are very versatile and bounce back pretty easily.

Really hope this helps!!

Andrea~

P.S.  One more thing, I was just thinking of the section in TBWSAYP called "Just When".  I don't know if you've read that part (I know I skipped it and went straight to the sleep portion!) but it's really true.  Because even when you do stay home, and do everything "Perfect", something will always come up and mess up your routine.  For us, it's been a nursing strike, then teething, etc.  So it just shows me that I really just have to go with the flow sometimes, because even when you stay home, even then things won't be perfect sometimes, so you might as well go out and enjoy life too!  HTH 

[ericapt]

Andrea-
Thank you SO much for the advice and words of encouragement!  It is so nice to know that other mommy's have/are struggling with some of the same issues and concerns that I have.  I am really going to try to relax a little more and enjoy being a mom, plus enjoy doing the other things I like to do.  One thing you mentioned is that your LO can now stay awake 3-4 hours without becoming OT.  MyLO is 5 months and he still usually only stays awake 1.5 hours, occassionally more.  He is taking 3 naps + a cat nap (some days).  I tried yesterday to spread out feedings a little more and only do 5 feedings instead of 6, but then he woke at 3 am to nurse, which he hasn't done for at least a month.  I guess 6 nursing sessions/day is the least he can tolerate.  Our routine is usually like this, although his naps aren't always great.  Some days he takes 1.5-2 hour naps, other days some naps are only 30-45 minutes.  Generally it looks about like this:

E  6 am
A  until 7:30
S  7:40-9:00

E  9 am
A  until 10:30
S  10:30-12

E  12 noon
A  until 1:30
S  1:30-3:00  (but has been waking earlier for a week or so)

E  3 pm
A  until about 4:30
S  cat nap 4:30-5 or 5-5:30  (he often fights this nap and won't sleep at all)

E  5 or 5:30
A 
E 7 pm
S about 7:30 or 8 pm, but sometimes he isn't completely asleep for good until 8:30 or later.

I've tried making his bed time sooner, as early as 7 pm, but he still wakes several times and isn't asleep for the night until 8 or 8:30.  Any suggestions for our routine?  Thanks again, Erica

[Andrea T]

Hi Erica~

Wow!!!

Your routine looks fantastic!!!  Really, it truely looks like you're doing great!  But I can definately see now why it's so difficult for you to get out of the house!!!

I honestly think if this routine is working for you, then I'd keep it up.  The only reason why I made changes to our lo's feeding times or A times is if his naps started getting shorter on a consistant basis.  I'd just keep an eye on your afternoon nap at 1:30-3:00 that you said is getting shorter for the last week or so, and maybe if the other naps start to shorten, you could transition slowly to 2 naps + catnap a day.  So it would look something like this:

E 6am
A until 8:00-8:15 (you'd have to transition to this very slowly.  Start with adding 5-10 minutes extra "A" time for 3-4 days and see how your lo adapts.  If naps shorten to 30 minutes, you know he's not ready for extra "A" time, since 30 minute naps usually mean that lo's are OT. 45 minute naps mean your lo is not tired enough. If your lo still sleeps a good 1.5-2 hour nap, you know you're ok.)
S 8:00-10:00

E 10:00  (if your lo wakes up a little earlier than 10:00, try to keep activity light, and delay feeding a tiny bit at a time if possible.  But of course, always feed if your lo is hungry!)
A until 12:00-ish (same as before, transition slowly!)
S 12:00-2:00

E 2:00
A until 4:00-ish
S catnap could be 30-45 minutes, ending no later than 5:00

E 5:00 you could keep this cluster feed the same as your current routine, if you find your lo needs it.
A bath, wind down routine, maybe feed one more time, etc until 6:00 ish
S 6:30-7:00


This is just an idea, of course you wouldn't have to follow it exactly.  Just follow your lo, and see how he makes out.  But wait until you see a problem with your routine, such as shorter naps 1st, then try to implement changes.  Your routine right now seems great!!!

I read another book called 90 minute naps recently ( I forget the author's name)  But the author is a sleep researcher, and what they found was that if babies are taking nice long naps in the day of 1.5-2 hours, they will usually start to be able to have longer "A" times starting in the late afternoon 1st.  (So for example, using your routine, maybe your lo is finding it hard to go to bed at 7:00 since he's able to have a longer "A" time as his last "A" time of the day, iykwim?)  This is just a thought on why maybe your lo doesn't want to sleep until 8:00.  If he's waking at 5:30, then not going to sleep until 8:00 or 8:30, that's a 2.5-3 hour "A" time right?  So maybe as you transition your day, try to slowly wean the catnap (make it 5-10 minutes shorter for 4-5 days at a time until you're completely rid of it) and then your lo will be able to go to bed earlier?  So for example, once you are rid of the catnap, if you lo still wakes at 3:00, then potentially he'd be ready for bed at 6:00 (3 hours A time).  Just an idea, what do you think???

Anyway, hope this helps,  looks like you're really doing a great great job though!!!

Take care,

Andrea

[ericapt]

thank you again Andrea--It's so great to have other mommy's to share with and get ideas from!   I don't know what I would do without this board!  I like the idea of slowly trying to get rid of his cat nap if he continues to fight it and fight going to bed at night.  My concern is still dropping 1 or 2 feedings.  Currently he nurses 6 times a day and occassionally if he only has 5 nursing sessions a day he seems to be hungry still and then wakes at 2 or 3 am.  I really don't want that again!  It seems that most EASY babies that moms write about are only feeding 4 or 5 times a day.  I can't figure out why my LO needs more?  Maybe he isn't taking as much in at each feeding?  Even on the days I go to work he has 3 5-ounce bottles of breastmilk and still wants to nurse at 5 and 7 pm.  Maybe it's just a habit, but he seems genuinely hungry.  Ok, well thank you again for the support.  Hopefully LO will eventually get down to 4 or 5 feedings a day instead of 6.  Also, I am going to make a big effort to relax a little and try to enjoy getting out and living my life while having a good time being a mommy!
Thanks a million!
Erica

[Andrea T]

Awesome Erica, sounds like you have a good plan, I really hope you do get out and enjoy your time with your lo and DH! 

I don't think I'm the one to ask about feedings, lol.  Our lo's feedings have been a mess since about 5.5 months.  He went on a nursing strike, to my surprise, and since then things with feedings are all over the map.  I had to try and get him to nurse whenever and wherever when he was on the strike; so subsequently, now that he's back nursing again, he thinks it's a lot of fun to be a snacker!  But honestly, I wouldn't worry that you're doing 6 feedings a day at all, if you're lo is making it through the night, that is so so so fantastic!!!!!  You could definately be right that maybe he's just getting less ounces at each feed.  When you work then, it sounds like you're pumping for your lo to have milk in the day?  Because I've heard that pumping (no matter how good your pump, or your milk supply) you'll never get as much milk out as your baby can when they bf.  So that may be why he needs that one "extra" feed in the day.  Really, I wouldn't worry about it.  I'm so jealous of you, since our lo was sleeping through the night, and now we're up to 2 feeds a night again, plus a dreamfeed !!!! :O 


Anyway, here's a good link about bf, and pumping and stuff that I found interesting:   https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63603.0

HTH,

Andrea~~

[mayamom]

Hi Erica - I'm in the same situation - I could have written your post.  My dd is 11 weeks old and I started EASY 2 weeks ago.  It has helped tremendously to get her to sleep better and in a more regular routine.  But, I feel trapped in my house.  I never want to go out b/c it will mess up her naps.  She naps much better in her crib than anywhere else. 

I just started going out once per day, everyother day.  That way, she will get one day w/ good naps, then the next day might not be so good, then another with good naps and so on.  I am always trying to figure out how to adjust her routine around any plans my dh and I have.

We are going on vacation for 3 weeks to visit my dh's family and I know it will be a mess.  There will be no routine and my dh has already told me not to get mad and to 'go with the flow'.  Very difficult for me since I am a BIG planner.

I am waiting for my dd to get on a 4 hour easy so it will be easier to get out but for now, we are still on a 3 hour easy.

Did you find it easier as your lo got older?
Thanks.

[missmeggy]

Erica & mayamom,

You are not alone! I was getting online to post the same question! Every time we tried to go anywhere this past week was a nightmare....my 7 week old lo could not fall asleep in her carseat/stroller (i.e. screamed her poor little head off) and her naps just went out the window. I told my dh that I may just have to camp out at home for the next 6 months. The sad part was that I was only half joking!

I'm hoping that as she gets older she will have more A time, which would make it easier for me to get out. Right now it's mostly eat, awake for 5 minutes or so, and back to the winddown routine. It's somehow comforting to know that others are in the same boat!

[mayamom]

I'm so frustrated.  Yesterday I decided to go out to run some errands.  I left during her A time but it ran into her S time since her A time is short.  She only slept for 15 minutes.  I got back and it was time to feed again so I fed her and then put her to sleep.  She slept for an hour, then woke up.  I tried sh/pat but she wouldn't go back to sleep.  I then took her for a walk and she slept another 45 minutes. 

The problem is that she only got 9 hours of sleep before going to bed at 7:15pm.  Then she had gas and didn't fall asleep until 8:45pm.  She ended up only having 12 1/4 hours of sleep yesterday.  Way too little.  Now I'm afraid of what today will be like . . .  I don't want to leave the house in fear of another day of little sleep.  If I stay home, she will get 14-15 hours of sleep a day.

I feel trapped!

[lilmonkey]

Hello all,

I just want to reiterate Andrea.  EASY works when you adapt it fit your family situation.  I don't think that it is meant to make you feel trapped and isolated at home with a little babe.  I used to stressed out about dd's routine and gave up a lot of fun adult time just so dd would sleep.  But I soon learned that I can still enjoy being an adult and have a godd routine for dd. 

Because even when you do stay home, and do everything "Perfect", something will always come up and mess up your routine.  For us, it's been a nursing strike, then teething, etc.  So it just shows me that I really just have to go with the flow sometimes, because even when you stay home, even then things won't be perfect sometimes, so you might as well go out and enjoy life too!  HTH 

This is soooo true.  Enjoy your life just don't go overboard with depriving your lo of sleep and you will be fine.  In an ideal world, our los have the prefect EASY routine and sleeps through everynight.  Unfortunately this is not the case.  Something will always throw a wrench into things.  And when it does, don't think that you did anything wrong. 

Hugs to all. 

BTW, it does get better when the A gets longer.

[Andrea T]

Thanks Mimi, well said!!!

Mayamom and Missmeggy~ it is truely hard when the lo's are so young.  Just have faith that things will get better, they really will.  I did everything "wrong" at that stage of our lo's life: we co-slept, I went out all the time with him during the day and he slept in the carseat, I had no routine, etc., and even with that said, he made it through, and now is doing fantastic.  So don't be too hard on yourselves, it's very very difficult to figure out a routine at that age I found, since A times are so short, and sometimes unpredictable.  The lo's are trying to work out their sleep, so things are messy!!!!

Really hopes this helps put things in perspective, just remember that your lo's don't have a book that they can read that tells them what to do, so they are doing the best they can, and so are you

Take care,

Andrea

[mayamom]

Thanks a lot Andrea and Mimi - your posts have made me sit back, relax and look at the bigger picture.  This is what my DH tells me to do all the time.  My dd is sleeping great today.  Probably b/c she was OT from yesterday but she is getting what she needs. 

Thanks again for your support.

[ericapt]

Thank you all for your posts on this subject.  I totally agree, it helped me put things into perspective.  Our LOs are only little once.  We really need to enjoy this precious time we get to spend with them while they are young.  I know that they say babies are very adaptable and you just have to go with the flow so they can learn to do the same.  I really enjoy chatting with other mums about concerns I have and have found it very therapeutic and stress relieving.  I hope that I can just follow through with some of the advice and relax and enjoy motherhood.  Good luck to you all!
Erica~~

[lilmonkey]

I really enjoy chatting with other mums about concerns I have and have found it very therapeutic and stress relieving. 

That's why BW is so addictive.  There is always a hug ready to be given.

[Andrea T]

Yay!  Glad you're feeling better about things Erica! 

I agree Mimi, I'm a total BW addict!  I'm not big on giving people advice, but every time I see a new mom-to-be, I just have to tell her about BW....maybe they don't want advice, but I really wish someone would have told me about BW before we had our lo, it's just so nice to be able to talk to other mom's!

Take care~

Andrea