I'm going mad!!!

[jp2008]

I've got a 16 week old lo who has just started on 4 hour easy a few days ago. i had to make the transition because i felt he was never really hungry at the 3 hour mark. and so wouldn't eat well.... and i felt this might be why i was having trouble with short naps and night awakenings.

I'm going mad. I don't want to obsess about a routine!!! but i'm spending the whole day in a dark room patting and still ending up with a cranky bub by the middle of the day.

Below is a sample of my routine. he's had no problems with the E part of the transition but lots of trouble with the play and sleep parts. Below is an average day although it varies a lot between days – depending upon what time he wakes up.

E - 6am
A - less than 20 minutes. he yawns straight after feed and is rubbing his eyes not long after. if i miss the window he's overtired.
S- 45 mins to 1.5 hours. if i'm lucky i can stretch out this nap to 1.5 hours with lots of patience, a sore back and lots of patting and shushing.
A- usually 45 mins (or less if only a 45 minute nap) then tired again and back to bed.
S - another 45 mins if i'm lucky
E - 10am
A- is already rubbing eyes during the feed. but keep him up half an hour or so before getting cranky.
S - long wind-down and 45 min nap. again may be able to extend to 1.5hrs with by now a very sore back.
A - 12pmwakes again - again about 2 hours before the next feed
S – 12:30 so grumpy that i can’t do anything with him. Therefore try to get him to nap again before the next feed
E - 2pm
A - even with very low key activity gets grumpy quickly.
S - often won't even sleep even with a walk in the buggy. usually with much protesting will get a 45 minute catnap some time before the bath
E - 6pm
A - bath
E - top up
S - 7pm bedtime. Usually settles ok if has had 45 minute catnap. Otherwise screams!
E - 10pm Dreamfeed
overnight wakes twice anywhere between 2-4am. settles x1 with dummy. then usually needs a feed. I’m confused though as he’s slept through the night a few times and it’s not a growth spurt as not extra hungry during the day.


What else. he's over 7.5 kg from only 3.5kg birthweight so no problems with weight gain, breastfed. He's slept through the night a couple of times (from dreamfeed to 6am)



HELP
I’m about ready to quit... i feel like i’m working so hard and yet he’s still overtired by the middle of the day without him even doing anything fun as i’m too scared to overstimulate him.
So many questions
1. should i feed at night if i know he can make it through on other nights?
2. Some nights when he’s just chatting to himself, i leave him to resettle himself. He ends up being awake for a couple of hours, then gets overtired, screams, and i have to settle him. Then he’ll often wake again at the 40 minute mark, screaming again suggesting he’s really overtired!! – at 5am. Should I go in when he’s just chatting???
3. His activity time is so short but any longer and he gets cranky. When will this increase? Should i be gradually trying  to lengthen it.
4. The 40 minute catnaps. When will they lengthen? I’ve been trying the patting etc at the 40 minute mark for over 3 weeks but i haven’t seen any improvement.


Any advice would be much appreciated!!
 

[Grace's Mom]

Not all los are ready to move to the 4 hour EASY right at 4 months
Some are ready with the E but not the A/S and when that happens you just compensate until the A and S are able to lengthen.
If you move before they are ready your lo will end up OT...have short naps, have a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep, and will have multiple night wakings.

30 min naps usually = OT
45 min naps usually = UT (in need of more A time)

A time includes feeding time. 
Can you write what time he woke up, fell asleep, woke up, fell asleep, etc.?

Now, not all typical tired signs are accurate.
My lo use to yawn all morning and so do I.  It's just our way of waking up.
Sometimes they are bored and it can come across as tired.
Not that that is what's happening with your lo but just wanted to let you know what can happen.

However if a lo has a short nap it's best to lessen the next A time 15 minutes or so, to help compensate so your lo doesn't get OT.

At 16 weeks most lo's need 1-2 two feed per night including a dream feed.
My lo slept though 12 hours a handful of times, but they were just flukes and she still needed a night feed until 6 months of age.
If your lo wakes up and is hungry go ahead and feed as your lo is still so young.

1. should i feed at night if i know he can make it through on other nights?
YEP
2. Some nights when he’s just chatting to himself, i leave him to resettle himself. He ends up being awake for a couple of hours, then gets overtired, screams, and i have to settle him. Then he’ll often wake again at the 40 minute mark, screaming again suggesting he’s really overtired!! – at 5am. Should I go in when he’s just chatting???
The only time you should really go in is if he's crying the "I need you mommy" cry.  But if he's up for hours that is a clear sign that something during the day is off and needs to be changed.
3. His activity time is so short but any longer and he gets cranky. When will this increase? Should i be gradually trying  to lengthen it.
I woudl follow cues first (if they are accurate) and lengthen gradually....15 min. increments or so.
When extending A times you need to have a really good wind down time and really good nap routine so that your lo doesn't get OT or OS
4. The 40 minute catnaps. When will they lengthen? I’ve been trying the patting etc at the 40 minute mark for over 3 weeks but i haven’t seen any improvement.
When your lo wakes up at 40 minutes what is he doing?
If he's happy and wide awake it's most likely becuase he's had enough A time and doesn't need any more sleep.  If he's waking up grouchy it's probably becuase he's Overtired and when a baby is overitred they have a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep.

Babies learn night time sleep from 0-3 months and day time sleep for 3-6 months.
Your lo is just trying to learn day time sleep now, so give it some time.
We did patt/shh for 6 months straight but the benefits were amazing and I have the best little sleeper ever.  It was so worht it.

Taken from our EASY FAQ's

When EASY seems Hard

If you are just about to give up on EASY or just having doubts- please read those wonderful supportive words from Tracy Hogg and don't forget you can always ask for help here Smiley

Taken from Babywhisperer Solves All Your Problems.

EASY- it is not a schedule, because you cannot fit a baby into a clock. It’s a routine that gives the day structure and makes family life consistent, which is important because all  of us, children and adults, as well as babies and toddlers, thrive on predictability. Everyone benefits: Baby knows what’s coming next. Siblings, if there are any, get more time with Mum and Dad- and they get to have les harried parents who have time for themselves as well.

When EASY seems hard.
Most parents’ queries are not about routines. Instead, their questions tend to focus on one of the letters of EASY. They might ask, “Why are my baby’s feeds too short?” (E), “Why is he cranky and uninterested in his toys? (A), or “Why does she wake up several times during the night?” (S). But we (…) have to look at how the three areas are interrelated (…). Eating affects sleep and activity; activity affects eating and sleeping; sleep affects activity and eating- and all of them will naturally affect you. Without a predictable routine everything in baby’s life can go haywire- sometimes all at once. The solution is almost always EASY.

Why go EASY?
EASY is a sensible way to get you and your child through the day. It is composed of repetitive cycles of each letter. The E, A and S are interrelated- changes in one usually affect the other two. Although your baby will transform over the coming months as she grows, the order in which each letter occurs does not.

Write it down!
Parents who actually chart their baby’s day by writing everything down have less trouble sticking to a routine or establishing it for the first time. They are also better observers. Writing things down, even though it seems tedious at the moment will give you a much better perspective. You’ll see patterns more readily, and see how sleep and eating and activity are interrelated. On days that your baby feeds better, I’d just bet he’s less cranky during his awake time and sleeps better too.

Not a schedule.
Parents also have problems with EASY when they think “schedule” and focus more on reading the clock than reading baby’s signals. A structured routine is not the same thing as a schedule. A schedule is about time slots  whereas EASY is about keeping up the same daily pattern- eating, activity, sleeping- and repeating that pattern every day. We’re not trying to control children, we’re guiding them. (…)
Sometimes you’ll have a day when you’re on track and everything goes smoothly and other days not.

Reading baby’s cues.
The most important aspect of EASY is to read your child’s signals- of hunger, of fatigue, of overstimulation- which is more important than any time slot. So if one day, he’s hungry a little earlier, or seems tired before it’s “time” to put him down, don’t let the clock threaten you. Let your common sense take over. And believe me, the better you at interpreting your baby’s cries and body language, the better you’ll be at guiding him and at clearing whatever obstacles gets in the way.