Being forced into 2:1 switch too early - I feel terrible and need support

[momtothomas]

Hi - I've asked about this before, so bear with me if you gave me advice in the past and I am going against it...  My DS is 14 1/2 months old and is starting at a "real" day care center in 3 weeks.  At the school, he'll be given the opportunity to nap from 12:30 to 2:30, but that's it.  Our problem is that he's not quite ready for the 2:1 switch that he's having to undergo now.  People have told me, "Oh, just let them work it out when he starts at day care," but I can't seem to live with that plan.  I can't imagine him having to go 6 hours of being awake in the morning for the first time when he's somewhere totally strange... so I decided to try and get him to do it a few times a week between now and then so it's not COMPLETELY new to him.  He does ok some days, but other times I feel so bad for keeping him up until noon-ish when I know he's tired... but in 3 weeks he's not going to have a choice!?!  Plus, the past few days he's taken 2 naps, the second one has been interfering with an early-ish bedtime (which I'm very dedicated to keeping).

I guess I'm just venting that I don't have the luxury to go through a long, several month transition period with him.  I have to work out of the house 3 days a week, so those days we're rushing to get home from the sitters, eat as a family, and still get him to bed at a decent time.

Ugh, I'm tired and sad.  I'm already anxious about his transition from the small, in-home sitter to the big day care...

[MJMom]

Big hugs!!! 

Just to ease some of your anxiety though, he may be more ready for it than you think, and it doesn't have to last months to go through the transition. 

We thought our DD was going through the transition (in retrospect, her naps just needed some mommy assist)  We had 2 weeks of an overtired kid who we were trying to force to stay awake, etc.  It was AWFUL!  Then we reverted back to the two naps.  This worked wonderfully.  Then one day, she just stopped taking her second nap.  just like that.  And we never looked back.  Her morning nap quite quickly went from 11 to 12ish, and then to 1ish.  She sometimes reverts back to an 11ish nap, but unless we have had an OS day, she doesn't take the second nap.  This happened for her about 14 months old. 

Even with her being happy to not take the second nap, there were definitely days that she just couldn't stay awake that long in the evenings.  The early bed time will be your best friend for several weeks.  During this time too, be prepared to possibly give him a snack in the car before bed as well in case he can't make it to being able to eat as a familiy.  This is important to me to, but just remember, this is only a couple days over a few weeks in the grand scheme of his life.

I understand those tired and sad feelings.  But just think of what a benefit it will be to have Thomas being able to socialize with other kids!  These are good skills as well to have! 

[clh]

{{hugs}}  We had this here, too, with both boys.  We did "let them work it out" at daycare, and tried/are trying very hard for an early (very early, some days) bedtime for the transitioning one.  On weekends with J, we kept a 2-nap (or sometimes 3!) schedule because he was simply so tired.  We're doing similar for Isaac now.  More {{hugs}}.  It *is* hard, but they (and you) will get thru it.  

[KathrynK]

how many days a week is he going to daycare?
My dd goes 2 days a week and she actually transitioned to 1 nap herself those 2 days- the carers did try to give her a morning nap, on my instructions, but she was so nosy that she didn't go to sleep until all the other kids did after lunch!
Then on the other days when she was at home with me I kept her on 2 naps and it stayed like this for quite a while until she transitioned fully. Didn't do her any harm and I gave her lots of early nights on 1 nap days.

Definitely consider skipping meals together on those nights and don't be afraid to have him in bed at least an hour before normal time- even if that means he's in bed at 6pm, it feels a bit strange at first but we have all been there! I remember Layla putting J to bed at 5.30pm most nights during her transition to avoid OT and she was sleeping 13.5 hours.

It can be horrid at the time but you will get there! xx

[MJMom]

Kathryn brings up a good point about the noisy day care.  It's not just noisy, but it's VERY VERY INTERESTING!  He may keep himself up! 

You may need to do the same on the weekends though by making sure the morning you have an activity like the park or zoo to keep him awake

[momtothomas]

He'll be there Tues, Wed and Thurs, so maybe he'll get 2 naps on some of the days he's home...  I'm just such a control freak that I have a hard time just "going with the flow" and changing his schedule each day.  I'm a big planner, so this parenting gig is forcing me to make some serious changes!

He's at the sitter's house Tues through Thurs now, so she's taking it day by day and keeping him up on the days she thinks he can handle it.  I'm just so afraid of getting into an OT cycle - we've been there and it's no fun!

Thanks for all of your help.  At least once we're through with the 2:1 switch, maybe we'll stick with it for a couple years before having to have anymore nap transitions!

[KellyC]

Big {hugs}.  It's hard going back to work.

Nate has dropped to one nap (he's 12 months) and this was as a result of him not wanting to take a morning nap (or taking a morning nap but no nap for the rest of the day) at nursery.  As somebody else pointed out, this was because he was so busy and interested in everything else going on.  I really think he gets more tired at home doing not very much than he gets at nursery.  In fact, he doesn't usually take his nap until 1pm there!  For a couple of weeks after he started taking only one nap at nursery I kept him on two at home but then he started waking at 6 instead of 7 so I went cold turkey and he's been absolutely fine.  He sometimes gets grouchy at about 10 but we have a snack and he gets over the hump and is then ok.

I'm pretty sure you'll discover that he's absolutely fine with his daycare routine.  It will also be better for him to sleep when all the others are as it'll (hopefully!) be a quieter time there.  If he copes ok it'll actually be much preferable than taking weeks and weeks to transition, far too complicated (as it was with DS1!).

Kelly x