Ways to suggest EASY to a New Mom?

[Mum-of-Two]

My SIL just had a long awaited baby Saturday.  We were supposed to go see him at their home yesterday but she asked we not come -- it was disappointing as I know her #1 concern before baby's birth was to have my DD meet him as soon as possible.  The reality of a newborn though has overwhelmed her I think, plus visitors that drop by unannounced, she's exausted.  She asked DH "how did you get sleep" but his answers were general and hindsight 20/20.  They didn't include the times I too sat crying.  (you know many of us do)  I did make them dinner and DH dropped it at their door only to find they had unexpected visitors again.  Her voicemail back to us to say thank you for the food was short as if she was about to be in tears.  She is a VERY intelligent girl, its not that, its lack of sleep from the moment she pushed him out.  Post pardum is hard.

Her boy is eating every 1.5 hours because her milk isn't in and he won't sit with his Daddy so she can rest.  I was up all night trying to think of ways to get a hold of her and suggest EASY without offending her (not that its offensive but you know when you are beyond tired how no one has a good idea?)

At this point, I'd at least like to tell her to try to get baby to eat when he wakes so she's sure his belly is full rather than fall asleep eating.  Simple idea but my does it work.  I'm proud of her for continuing the BF and would really like to help encourage her without guilting her... if that makes sense?  EASY just seems like the best idea right now.

Any suggestions on approach here?  (I'll be at work all day but will check back late tonight, many thanks)

[em_here]

Congrats to your sis again! I would give her the book, say it was your godsend when your lo was a bubba, and that maybe she wants to read it, or you could help her with going through things?  I think that approach would be unlikely to offend

[* Paula *]

Huge congrats to your SIL 

I agree with Emma, I would definitely buy her to book or lend her yours if you still have it.  I would tell her the concept of EASY, so that she has an idea, and does not need to start reading immediately KWIM?

I agree, that she try and wake lo when he is falling asleep on the breast so that he has a full feed.  Give her some ideas, like when she sees him starting to dose, to take him off the breast to wind, massage hands to try and keep awake etc.

It is not uncommon for a BF baby to want to eat every 2 hours so tell her not to get too dispondent, things will get better.

You say that he won't settle with his dad, perhaps DS is over tired, and this is why he won't settle?

Huge hugs, hope this info helps, let us know if you need anything else 

[Peek-a-boo]

You could make her a little care basket and fill it with nice things for her and stick the book in there (perhaps with a few key passages flagged)--you could put in a scented candle, herbal tea, some candy or treat she enjoys.  One of things you could make for the basket it a sign for her front door that says, "Mama and baby sleeping, please come back later" peharps with a picture of the new LO printed on it, LOL. 

[momtonb&ab]

we offered the book (as emma said) in what we called 'the bag of tricks' with a few things new moms can really use....the bw book of course, some soothing tea, a premade dinner, the sign bethany suggested, a packet of diapers and some extra blankets for swaddling....and of course all our contact information (including cell numbers) even though they already had it to remind them that we are here to help in a second.   we've done that with 5 couples who have had babies since we had ours, and every time the moms have later said how grateful they were that we gave them space and help all at the same time.  sometimes it is hard, we all want to look like we have things under control but after a baby comes the one thing in the world we dont' have is control.   

hugs to you all............

[* Paula *]

I love the idea of the package and the note for the door.  Sounds like a great idea 

[Peek-a-boo]

Swaddling blanket is a great idea! 

[Mum-of-Two]

These are great ideas!!  Thank you!!  She sounded better today though I only was able to text with her.  She did invite us for tomorrow, but DH has a tooth problem and may be at the dentist, we want to be sure he's there when his DD meets her cousin for the first time.  So tomorrow or the next day we'll see how things go.  I love the care package idea one way or another though, its really a thoughtful gift -- could even add a swaddling blanket! 

[We Three]

Yes, that is all such good advice.  I don't think it's offensive at all to offer the book! I gave one of mine to a new mom/client who was struggling, and I just offered it up with something like "This book saved my sanity, and gave me such a happy baby..."  I'd even highlight the sections that are important to her situation!  I think that is so caring.  LOVING the sign idea!!!!

It's so funny, isn't it, that once you've been through those first exhausting weeks with your own lo, you just want to help every new mom??? 

Hugs to your SIL.....if I may suggest, be "that person" for her, the one who says quietly when you're alone with her "I know this is so so hard and the feelings are overwhelming and you might even be feeling mixed up. EVERY new mom feels those feelings, but nobody talks about it.  I understand, and I'm here to listen/help/hold your hand....whatever."