I'm giving up on Shushpatt but keeping with EASY...

[melissas61]

So, my baby is now 10 weeks old and has been having MUCH difficulties with napping. She sleeps well at night and we are on the 3hr EASY, trying to switch to 3.5 EASY. She has reflux and is on Zantac. It is manageable at the moment. I am giving up on the Shushpat method to put her down as it is NOT WORKING AT ALL. I've been trying for weeks and we are getting nowhere. I can't pat her to much do to the reflux so I was never really doing it right anyway I guess. I tried putting her up on my shoulder but she keep banging her nose off my shoulder and it made things worse. So, I instead held her in my arms. Then I can't patt her so I rock her instead. I still shush her and it seems to be working. I know that it will be hard to get her out of it but I have to get her to sleep. Later I will work on getting her to sleep independently but for right now....I'm doing what ever works. Hey, it's better than nursing her to sleep.

The last straw was yesterday-She threw up after I shush/pat her for 1.5hrs to try to get her down!!! I felt so bad...like I was hurting my baby. I am feeling much better rocking her and she is sleeping better too.

Just wondering what others think of my decision. 

[lilac83]

I am at the same point you are. I have been working with my 16 week old for over a week now, but naps are still a battle until she finally just passes out. I am tired of listening to my baby cry and today (after crying myself a few times) I decided enough was enough and rocked her the rest of the afternoon. No tears and she fell right asleep. If I have to rock her until she's 2 I guess that's what I will have to do, but I CAN'T listen to my baby cry anymore!

[Betty14]

I think your decision not to do shush-pat is just fine. BW book does note that patting may NOT be appropriate if baby has reflux. It's not very relaxing to throw up while trying to fall asleep, after all!

The thing with rocking is, that once LO is starting to drift off, slow down and then stop the rocking and lay her down. Avoid CONTINUING to rock her while she sleeps, because if you do that for ten minutes, then lay her down, she make wake quickly, expecting to be rocked some more. As long as the rocking is a tool to help her get to sleep, and not your method to keep her asleep, you're doing just the right thing.

Remember that BW advice is not carved in stone - modify things to suit you, and stick to the PRINCIPLES of baby whispering!

Please post back as to how your new help-to-sleep routine goes!

[Diana1981]

Hello everyone.
I tried everything shh/pat, w2s, PU/PD to get ds to fall asleep on his own, and nothing really worked. He cried all the time, I cried all the time.
So I decided I wasn't going to go against my maternal instincts and did what he asked me too. Now, all he needs in order to fall asleep is hand close to him and that's it!!!! So ladies, if you feel like what you are doing is not OK and breaks your heart...don't do it.

[melissas61]

Oh, THANK GOD!!!!! I feel so much better reading your posts. I do only rock her until she is asleep but slow down and then stop then transferee her to crib. It's working much better and I feel so much more confident in my mothering abilities. I just put her to sleep in 19minute and without ANY crying! Why didn't I try this sooner? Thank God I've given in and adjusted my method. I must admit that I did take the BW books methods like they were set in stone. But now I see that they are just suggested tools...most of which I do practice.

Lilac,Betty & Diana...please keep me informed on how you are doing and what method you girls use to get you lo's to sleep land. I am so glad you all replied...TY!!

[J & J's Mom]

I have found that now, with my second LO, over the years I've taken the advice and suggestions that work for us and thrown out the ones that don't.  I'm sure you have a certain philosophy about how you'd like to parent (sounds like it doesn't include CIO!) so BW wil be a lifesaver for you over the next couple of years.  But like you said, you don't have to apply everything as if it were a set of instructions... just a guide.  For example, I never actually "pat" or "shh"... I just place my hand on DD and talk softly to her... that has always seemed to work better.

Go with your GUT!  Sounds like you have good instincts - don't be afraid to follow them.

[melissas61]

Thank you for your inspiring words!

[lilac83]

How is today going for you melissas61? For me and my baby today is going much smoother. I have been rocking and snuggling with her until she's *this* close to falling asleep. Then I lay her in her crib, pat her a little bit and she's out. There have been no tears and I think she's actually sleeping better since she isn't putting up such a fight right before nap.

J & J's Mom: That's the nice thing about number 2 hey?! You can kind of compare what worked and what didn't. Since this is my first LO, everything is so new and still trial and error.

Betty & Diana: Thank you both for your input. Yesterday was so hard for both my LO and myself. I think we both hit the breaking point after working so hard for over a week. She was a mess, I was a mess and nothing was working. Perhaps once she's older we'll try again, but for now I'm going to follow my instinct!

[worriermum]

hi
my lo is 3mths, we have had sporadic results with shh/pat - didnt work at first then went back to trying it as all of a sudden nothing would settle and/or resettle him to sleep. So it worked but now its not so effective anymore - even my normally patient DH is frustrated with using it. It seems our lo sleeps better when left to fall asleep on his own, the only problem is what to do when he is hard to settle/resettle. He is a grumpy baby and when he is upset he wants to tell you all about - not much can relax him, or it does its temporary. I am relieved to hear that other mums are shedding tears when their lo's are -Ive had the worst past couple of weeks (& its heading into its 3rd week) with settling to bed.
so much for "it gets easier" , hope something clicks for us soon

[Diana1981]

You dont have to follow BW exactly as it it, you have to adjust these instructions to your life style. Sometimes ds is very grumpy and tired, and I just hold him, rock him very slowly and talk to him very gently. he relaxes and right before he falls asleep I put him down. For all you moms who are struggling....hugs hugs hugs!!! I promise it will pass......eventually.

[Betty14]

Hi Again:

I'll share what we did. Our LO is now almost 7 months and sleeps 7:30 pm to 6:00 am, stays quiet 1 hour more by putting sooother in mouth.

We did shush/pat, slow and rythmical for 15 minutes or so, often using white noise maker once my mouth got tired of shushing. I would gradually slow and fade out the patting and shushing.
Sometimes I'd stand by the range hood, turned on loud, for 10 minutes, if he was hard to settle. He loved the range hood!

Over the first few months, LO needed less time to settle, and at this point in time, I just tell him it's nap time softly in the ear several times while laying him down, give his his soother, and leave the room. He got really upset after a long car ride a month ago, and needed an unheard of 20 minutes of shush/pat to settle down.

Again, don't feel you need to do exactly what is written in BW book - go by the principles of sleep training, like a predictable, low-key routine, and soothe the baby, but don't continue past her need for soothing.

Best of luck, Melissas61. You will soon get way more confident in your abilities!

[melissas61]

WOw...thank you all! I am still trying to get the day naps working and they are proving to be quite a challenge. So, much so that  now my babe is waking during the night...always at different times. But she is not waking due to hunger. She hardly feeds and then goes back down. Plus she is waking earlier at 4am'ish not 530 as she did before. I feel like we are moving backwards instead of forwards. The doc has referred us to another doc to see about her reflux. It seems to be getting worse. She is now eating less and I am so worried. Last week she only gained 4oz!! she was gaining much more per week before.

I'm so tired...all I seem to do lately is rock my crying baby or clean up spit up/throw up. I'm tiredf of not knowing what to do with her and having to figure it out alone is stressful.

I hope the doctor can help us and maybe when she has her reflux issues fixed she will sleep better and eat better?!