Switching back and forth between dairy and rice milk...

[appletree]

2 yo foster daughter has has dairy allergies since we got her at 3 1/2 months old.  She was on soy formula then we ended up having to do rice milk when she weaned off formula at a year old.  She's back at home with her biomom and we 'share custody' of her off the record. (so, it's like 3 nights a week for us to keep her then 4 nights the next week).

Problem I'm having is that bm doesn't want to mess with the dairy issue.  FD doesn't have severe tummy aches like before but her eczema flare ups are awful when with bm.  I get it under control when she's with us cuz she has no dairy. And only drinks rice milk not regular milk.  This week she's had severe diarrhea and her bottom is so red it's bleeding in spots.

Am I causing this problem by having her switch to the rice milk when with us?  She does fine on the rice milk and her eczema is MUCH better while with us. But there may be other triggers for that too as we use Aveeno bath stuff for her (as it seems gentler on her sensitive skin) and bm uses just regular store brand baby bath stuff.

I just don't want to cause her (fd) anymore pain and thought maybe someone here would know the answer.

Thanks!

[Mydreamcametrue]

Oh Wendee, sounds like you never got that issue resolved with her BM. 

Am I thinking right by saying her BM was not in the picture for the year or more? 

Makes me mad because she was not there to see the effect's of what milk and soy had on her.  She is proably thinking about what is the cheapest thing to buy and that there is no way my kid has any allergies.

I don't think YOU are causing her any harm at all.  I think it is taking a few days of having milk for her system to shows signs of the intolerance and well that is when you get her.  Her BM never gets to witness that, because you give her rice milk, making things calm back down and then her BM gets her and thinks all is good. 

If you supplied her BM with rice milk, would she give it to her then? 

Can she talk really good yet?  Can she tell you that her tummy hurts or anything? 

I am sure this whole situation is so hard.  I really don't know how you can get her BM to just "try" her off dairy too.  She seems really set in her ways. 

Have you talked to her (bm) about it anymore?

Huge Hugs, Wendy

[binxyboo]

So frustrating you guys are still dealing with this situation, makes me so mad. Can the case worker do anything, or are they still pretty much indifferent about anything like this?

Huge hugs.
ps... is the blog still up?

[appletree]

Thanks ladies.

Wendy, yes, bm was not the primary caregiver for 18 months, while we were.  She had visits unsupervised at her house when we were trying out "lactose free" milk, soy, goats milk, etc.  She had her during an episode when she had 1/3 cup of whole milk and she screamed and arched her back nonstop for 30 mins.  Bm called me and I came over, gave her some Mylicon drops and eventually got her settled down. SO, she has seen what that did.  But now she thinks she has outgrown it.  I had been supplying it for a long time at bm's house because I know it's pricey (and was tired of all the juice and Koolaid fd was getting).  But then she told me she was getting it so I stopped.  Now, I don't think it's the price, I think it's the inconvenience. No cheese (I had my sis bring some from a different state when she came to visit as we don't have any place in our state that has 'rice cheese') and the rice cheese is stinky so bm doesn't like to use it -even though I bought it and gave it to her (both the shredded to cook with and the chunk and sliced), no yogurt, no milk,... it's a pain for bm to do things different for fd that way.  She does know how bad her eczema is as it's almost instantaneous when she goes back and then gets better while with me (which I point out to her every Sunday).  Bella can talk really well but it doesn't so much hurt her tummy -she didnt even complain about the diarrhea, just her bottom hurting (then she cried when ever she had to potty -even though she's completely potty trained, it hurt her).

Blog is still up and running - I try to post at least once a week but hate that there's not instant feedback. KWIM? 

Caseworker (which changed again -we've had 5 since the start of the case 2 yrs. ago) is indifferent and besides the case should be closed any day now.

I just want to make sure I'M not hurting her by having the 'back and forth' between the two. Although I'm thinking of switching or supplementing with Almond Milk as it's better than the rice nutritionally and she really likes it.   

Am I understanding that you don't feel it's hurting her do not do dairy with me but she does with bm (which equates to 1/2 a week that she does it and 1/2 that she doesn't)?  (the switching part)

[Mydreamcametrue]

Hey Wendee.  Yeah that is what I was saying. I think if you were the one giving her the whole milk and her bm was giving her the rice/almond milk, then you would be hurting the situation. 

But I don't think at all you are hurting her, I think it is helping her more than anything because her body will only get milk the 3 or 4 days she is with her BM. 

If she likes Almond milk, I would go with that deft. 

Hang in there, I just cannot imagine how hard this is.

Wendy

[appletree]

Just wanted to let you know that I had a talk with bm and she noticed fd's eczema being so good when she returns from us and then it getting out of control while with her.  She's agreed that maybe giving her milk isn't the best idea so we will just do cheese and yogurt and see if that helps.  I've also volunteered to buy her the Aveeno baby bath stuff we use to have at her house so that will help too as she just uses whatever is cheapest and I think that affects her skin (it's SO sensitive!) too. 

I saw this as a huge step in the right direction for bm! I am very happy at this moment. 

[Spectra]

Wow, that's awesome!  Glad to hear the good news!