nearly 12 months and finding it hard to wind down for daytime nap

[EloysH]

Hi  All,

LO is nearly 12 months old and now a fully fledged walker in the last week. He has decided that crawling is gone for ever ...  anyway, in this last week ever since he has become a "walker" as opposed to "stepper and part time crawler" he is unable to unwind for his nap in the day. He has been an independent sleeper since 8 months old and sttn mostly since then. We do walk in walk out for him to get to sleep.  He sleeps with 2 dummys ( one in hand one in mouth) and they don't pose a problem.

The past week or so it has taken him 40 mins to 1 hour to actually get to sleep (just for daytime naps) and more times than not it is because I have given him a breastfeed!  The breastfeed is the only way that he has been able to relax and wind down. 10 mins before nap time I  read him books but this doesn't seem to help.. when he goes into the cot he is full play mode and just plays and plays for 20 mins, then starts calling and crying for me.  Then I give a hug and put him back.,.. he plays and plays until another 10 or 20 mins then cries for me.. each time I go in he is more and more stimulated and not wound down at all..   So I have been a bit panicked and given him a breast feed to calm him at which point he falls straight to sleep.  This has been going on for a week.

So now i feel like a dill because I am trying to wean the lunchtime breastfeed and all I am doing is making him more reliant on it, as now he (or I) thinks he needs it to wind down for the nap!

I am at a loss on how to adjust things to help him out here... or is this a phase that will pass as his body gets used to walking?

6:30 wake breast feed
7:00am breakfast
9:30am snack
11:00 nap  - 2 hours
1:30 pm lunch
2pm breastfeed
3pm snack
5pm dinner
6:30pm bath
6:45 breastfeed
7:00pm bedtime

[brenda2]

sounds like he is ready for more A time.  it looks like he is already on 1 nap but that nap is quite early.  what if you keep him up longer and go for lunch at 12 and nap after lunch at 12:30 or 1.  a little longer A time first thing may help him be more tired and ready to go down for his nap.

i will put this over to toddler sleep for more help there.

[EloysH]

Hi Brenda,

Thanks. Today I tried to keep him up longer, I waited till 12pm to put him to sleep.  By this time he was really really really tired.  As soon as we got to his bedroom he started crying in my arms and fussing alot, which quickly escalated to a very loud tired crying.  I should have put him down into his cot, but instead I kept holding him hoping he would calm... he escalated into a tantrum throwing his head back and trying to get out of my arms...  I felt very very panicked. I think he was saying "I'm so tired and I want the boob! I'm just soo tired"  so I caved in and gave him a breast feed!  At which point he fell straight to sleep.  Now I feel quite annoyed with myself.

What to do? It seemed that he couldn't handle being up till 12pm and also,  in hind sight I should have just put him straight down and walked out of the room giving a clear message that there is no breast feed to be had.  But it's hard to know when you are in the moment and also on your own.. not having the support of someone to help stay strong. There's nothing worse than hearing the sound of little  one crying hard.

[brenda2]

it sounds like the bf to sleep has become a prop.  can you read his cues at all?  did he look like he was getting tired before you tried at 12 for the nap or do you think the tantrum was more because he was wanting to bf.

since it has been taking him 40 min to an hour to get to sleep i still think you need to push this nap back but if he didn't handle that well today you could just try to shift it by 10 or 15 min every few days until it gets closer to after lunch which is where the 1 nap should be so that it's not too long to bedtime.

in addition to this you need to wean him from the bf to sleep that he has become accustom to.  you can do it cold turkey (no more bf to sleep) or gentle removal.  i think you could do one of 2 things with this method, slowly reduce the amount of time you allow him to bf or move the bf a little before the nap and not in his room so he doesn't associate it with sleeping.  at his age he should only need about 3 bfs a day, and some drop down to 2 sometime after 12 mo.

anyway hth

[EloysH]

Hi Brenda

thanks.  I think bf has become a prop too.  Amazing I only have been doing it before the daytime nap for less than a week, but the thing is, I do breast feed just before bed every night in his room, and then pass him to DH (in his room) who them gives a cuddle,  I disappear and DH puts him in the cot. the breast is a strong assocaition for hlpeing him relax at night time.  So do you think that I should pull the night time breast feed forward a bit and out of his room?

   Anyway it is no brainer for the day feed, I will go cold turkey on that I have been wanting to drop that feed so I wil just drop the feed and put up with any crying. 

as for today I do think that he was over tired, he was showing tired signs at 11am but I thought that I would try something different for today and see if he went to bed any easier at 12pm. He played on till 12pm but had a tired eye look sort of stoic. I thought at the time he was handling it, but now I know he was probably more feeling like a zombie.  So it didn't work.  I think he was crying for the boob  as well as being tired especially because i did  not leave the room, he would have been waiting for the offer or a breastfeed.   

So tomorrow I will go by his tired signs and a bit of the clock, keeping in mind that I want to push that nap later.

thanks again

[brenda2]

as long as you are not feeding to sleep the nighttime bf is probably ok.  i feed before bed at night but not before naps and have never had a problem.  although i guess as they get older and have more teeth you should really be doing the night milk and then brushing teeth and then bed so this may help break up the association a bit.

good luck, keep us posted.

[EloysH]

Hi Brenda,

So we're still having some trouble with the daytime nap timings but at least I haven't done any more breastfeeding. THis is the fourth day of no lunchtime breast feed, jujst morning and night now.

Today I tried to put him down at 10:30am (earlier than usual) as he looked really tired but he wouldn't go he just played and played. I should have listened to him...  he was trying to tell me that he wasn't ready for a nap by running away when I started to engage him in the wind down ritual of reading books. After 45 mins of mucking around in the cot I abandoned the nap at 11:15am and tried again when he got whingy at 12pm. This time it worked within 10 mins and minimal crying.

Yesterday he went down at 10:30am for the first nap with 15 nins of fussing and some hard crying.. but he was genuinely tired soo go figure.

[brenda2]

it is a hard age.  i found it hard too as some days she would do 2 naps and some days 1 nap and if i got it wrong it ended up with a lot of crying.  now that she's older it is much easier and she is mostly just on 1 nap unless she is sick or teething and then she may need 2. 

keep trying your best, it sounds like you are doing the right things and can read his signs, you just need to listen to them!  if he's not tired then he won't go to sleep because he's just not ready, so just keep him up a bit longer and then try again later.  it is better to have the one nap as late as he can manage so it's not too long to bedtime.

great with getting rid of the bf, good for you!