13 month old twins addicted to sh/pat - extremely frustrated mom!

[Laurella]

My 13 month old twins are dependent on sh/pat to go to sleep.  It has worked like a charm, up until now.  It would take them 5 min to fall asleep for the morning nap, 10 min to fall asleep for the aft. nap and about 15 min to fall asleep for bedtime.  Sleep has been a struggle from the beginning, and we always thought that sh/pat wasn't too bad in terms of a prop...it worked so well for us.

Lately they won't sit still enough for me to pat them and they just want to roll around in their cribs, or run around in their cribs.  I know they are tired...obvious signs are yawning, eye rubbing, etc.  I'm not sure what to do now.  If I leave them, they just play in their cribs and then end up crying so I have to go in there anyway, but if I stay in there, it's a huge struggle/fight to get them to lay still so I can pat them.  I'm not sure what to do.

Here's our schedule:

6:30am wake up
9:30 - 11 nap
11 - 2:30 awake
2:30 - 4:00 nap
4:00 - 7:30 or 8:00 awake
8:00 sleep

Do I just let them play in the crib until they cry and then go in and pat them?  I'm extremely frustrated!

Thanks,
Amy

[becky1969]

First off, holy cow those are some cute sweethearts!  I just want to reach thru the screen and squish those cheeks! I miss my little guys chubby cheeks!

I think you're starting to enter the 2-1 nap transition and also need to get rid of the shush pat.  They don't need it, and it's becoming AP by now, I think.  I think even though they are still napping well, they just aren't as tired as they were.  3 hours is a pretty short A time for 13 months.  I'd try moving that AM nap by 15 minutes for a few days until you reach about 10 am.  See how they nap at that time and for how long.  If your PM nap is still tough, then I'd limit AM nap to 1 hour and let them sleep as long as they want in the PM. 

Try with changing AM nap first, and see what that does for PM nap.  If they're still playing too much, then push PM nap a bit later too.  Even though they are showing sleepy signs, sometimes it becomes a habit -- they've been on the same routine for awhile, and so their body shows sleepy signs at the normal time even though that's not exactly how they feel!

As for eliminating the shush pat, I think I would just do it for a little while, and then leave the room.  If they play, they play.  Only go back in if they cry.  Now, with twins they're going to rev each other up! So, what you might want to do, in addition to moving nap later, is extend wind down for a while to get them in a more relaxed state before nap.  I think the combo of having them MORE tired at nap time + a longer wind down might get you to the point of having them go to sleep independently without your patting!

[Laurella]

Thanks for your advice!  We did exactly what you said - extend A time to 3.5hrs in the morning and only giving them a 1hr nap in the morning...things improved alot...it was great...but now it seems they are getting harder to put to bed at night and their afternoon nap also seems to be getting a little harder again (it's been a month since I posted and they're 14months now)....and I don't want to extend their bedtime...if they wake at 6:30 and go to sleep at 8pm - that's a 13.5hr day and only a 10.5hr night....I guess I will read the thread on the 2 to 1 switch.  We just finished a month of hard teething, shots, bad colds so it was hard to tell what was going on (and also the reason I haven't been online in ages!)

thanks again for your help

[becky1969]

It probably means it's time to shorten AM nap to 45 minutes now.  Basically, the way the transition works is that AM nap gets shorter and later in the day as their A time stretches, and that PM nap either stays the same or shortens a bit.  Most people take the leap to 1 nap once their kids can go until about 11:30/12 before needing a nap.  At that point it's a good time to just offer 1 nap and pray that's enough!  The first week or so a lot of kids only sleep about 1 hour at that 1 nap, but they eventually lengthen it out to 2-2.5 hours.

Everytime you see that PM nap get hard, or night sleep get funky, that means you need to shorten AM nap.  It's also important to lengthen A time every month or so as well.  Your goal is 11:30-12, so you want to push them to see if they can make it closer to that time frame.

[Laurella]

Thanks again for your advice...we are actually trying one nap a day now.  They just pushed 4 teeth thru (each!) in the last 4 weeks.  They are sleeping longer at night (between 11 and 12 hrs) and are really difficult to get to sleep for their 2nd nap, so we're giving one nap a day - we'll see how it goes.

I'm still having to be in their room when they fall asleep, sometimes they need the patting to fall asleep, other times just my hand on their back.  My husband and I are going on a much need vacation in a month and a half and my mom is babysitting for us.  I want to be able to put them in their cribs and leave and let them fall asleep on their own before my mom babysits - I don't want her to have to pat both of them to sleep (not fun).  So I think I'm going to try WI/WO.  Any suggestions, advice, ideas?  It's going to be a little difficult because there's two of them, but I don't want to let them CIO...that wouldn't work for us.

thanks,
Amy

[becky1969]

You might try the twin board for specific WI/WO advice for twins.

Also, if the 1 nap doesn't work well what you can do is shorten the first nap to 30 minutes or so to preserve PM nap.  We often see kids refusing that 2nd nap at this age.  However, they usually still need it but are just too rested from a 45-60 minute AM nap to really want that PM nap.  Some kids can jump right to 1 nap at this age, but on average it takes until 15-16 months to be ready for 1 nap.  So, give the 1 nap a go, but if you see them start having trouble sleeping at night or acting really tired in the PM, then try a shorty AM nap and then regular PM nap.  You can go as short as 15-20 minutes in the morning if they're still having trouble taking a PM.

Good luck!