New Here - Please Help!

[hillaryz]

Hello everybody.  I have been lurking and reading for a while, but our little nap problem has been getting worse... Lahav is just over 12 weeks old, and has been on some version of EASY since he was born. Until about 2-3 weeks ago, he was a great napper. I did a wind-down (reading books), swaddled him, put on his mobile, and he went off to sleep for a proper nap.  No longer!

What happened this morning is very typical:

11:10 as we are playing, he starts yawning and kicking (He has been awake since 9:40)
We go into bedroom, put on mobile, read the Runaway Bunny
I swaddle and cuddle him on my shoulder
He appears to be drowsing, I put him down
He lies there and eyes start to close, and then he screams 
I pick him up, ssh-pat, and cuddle a little more. This lasts about 10 mins. He seems calm.
Put him down, ssh-patting him.
He screams immediately, I lean in to crib and sssh-pat him.
He quiets momentarily, and then screams again.  Ssshing tried again to no avail.
I lift him up, and he quiets immediately, and almost passes out - I feel him melt into my shoulder.
Put him into bed, hand on tummy, ssshing him.
He sobs, tries to sleep, eyes start to close.  This goes on for 5 mins.
Scream 1 minute.
I lift him up, start to ssh-pat him, he passes out immediately.
Put him in crib, he sleeps 10 mins.
Wake, lets out a little sob, I watch him desperately try to fall back asleep.
He wiggles and mutters and moans and fails to sleep for 10 mins.
He starts to cry.
I lift him and ssh-pat him.
By now it is noon.  I change his diaper.
Return him to bed unswaddled, where he contentedly plays with his mirror quietly. 12:10 pm.
After 15 minutes starts to fuss. Escalates into hunger cry.
Feed him. He passes on on the breast after eating. I try to wake him. No luck. Put him in bed where he sleeps for 45 minutes. 

I am guilty of all the worst accidental parenting mistakes here, I fear.  Please help!
 

[deb]

Any signs of reflux? Around 10-11 weeks Josie was an absolute bear to put down for naps as her reflux meant that being horizontal was painful for her. She would snuggle right into my shoulder as well, fall asleep straight away, and I'd put her down and go through just what you're describing.

The way she slept best before we worked it out and got her treated for it was her laying on her tummy on my tummy; she and I could get nice 2-hour naps that way. (Just make sure you pee first - the voice of experience here!)

Anyway, I'd check and see if perhaps he's uncomfortable when he's horizontal. Reflux can be fairly easy to treat if it's not a bad case; might be worth looking into.

[hillaryz]

Hi Deb. Thanks for the response.  He sleeps well at night, and plays contentedly on his back too, so I don't think reflux is the issue.  Sigh.

[~Natalie~]

Hi Hillary.  I am inclined to wonder like Deb if it is reflux.  I know you said that he sleeps well at night and plays on his back, but my DS napped really well and played on his back but would scream for about 2 hours at night until he passed out on my shoulder.  There were a few nights I strapped him into his bouncer because he just kept screaming when I laid him down.

Anyway, I was wondering if you could try raising on end of his crib to see if that helps at all or makes any difference.  We stuck some wood pieces under the legs (I think they were about 15cm high).  If it is reflux and is not too bad then that may be enough, for us we eventually had to get on meds.

I HTH, I know you aren't sure if it is reflux but I am just at a lost for what else it could be    {{{hugs}}}

[deckchariot]

I don't really know anything about reflux, so I can't comment on that, but if you want more info, you can check out our reflux boards - the screaming when laying down is certainly a concern, but if it's only at naptimes, it could be something else.

Have you tried putting him down a bit earlier?  It looks like that first A time was 1.5 hrs, and that's on the long end for his age, and the first A time of the day is often the shortest.  Also, I would try not to pick him up when he cries in the crib - that's probably too overstimulating for him, and he's learning that he needs to be picked up and cuddled to go back to sleep.  Have you tried just shh/patting him in the crib?  Yes, I know he'll cry, but if you can keep doing it and get him back to sleep without picking him up, I think that will help.  You can actually start shh/pat on your shoulder at the end of the wind down and continue it as you put him in the crib.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}} it's really awful when your lo doesn't sleep.  Hang in there.

hth
michelle

[hillaryz]

I will investigate the reflex possibility. We have our 3 month ped appt this week, so I will ask him what he thinks, after doing some homework on the topic.

Just to clarify -- this behavior happens for the second and third naps of the day. His morning nap and the pre-bath catnap are both in a sling, because I have to walk the dog.  Maybe I have inadvertently gotten him used to only sleeping while on me, and while in motion...?  If so, there is nothing much I can do, since I have to take the dog out... any thoughts on that?

Michelle -- Thanks for the answer.  As far as putting him down earlier -- I can try that.  I don't like to clock-watch too too much; I try to watch for the tired signs more, and usually begin the wind-down immediately after the first sign, but maybe I'm missing something.  I did try transitioning the the ssh/pat into the crib, but it doesn't seem to help.

I don't mind letting him sob a little, but maybe I have to get better at distinguishing his mantra cry from a distress cry... Anybody have tips on that?

[deb]

The matra cry - to me, anyway - sounds more like a tired sort of "Eeeeh, eeehhhh, ehhh," whereas the distress cry is more bloodcrdling "Get the hell in here NOW!"

Is that as clear as mud?

Mantra cry also reminds me of when my girls have been crying and the "real" crying has stopped and they're sorta crying leftover cries on autopilot, like they have a bit more to get out of their system, as opposed to still being in the throes of distress. Does that helps any?

[~Natalie~]

For us his mantra was very monotone, didn't escalate.   Like Ded said, it didn't sound like I NEED YOU NOW!  It was hard to tell in the beginning the difference between the two, but now I can hear when it switches. 

[hillaryz]

Thanks again, Deb and suttermommy.  I did get him down properly yesterday for his nap, but I'll see today if it was just a fluke.  He sobbed a little, but no real crying.  We will see how how today goes... I'll get this, really! 

[deb]

You absolutely will, no doubt!

And then you'll have growth spurts and teething and more growth spurts and teeth AND developmental leaps, and don't forget colds in the wintertime.....

......and then they'll go off to school and you'll catch your breath and wonder where all the time went!!!!

 

[deckchariot]

Deb - soooooooooooo true

sleeping in the sling for the first nap - yes, it's possible he's loving that much more so than the crib....all the more reason to really keep at pat/shh for crib naps so he can learn how to put himself to sleep.  It can take awhile to have them really get that.

With Abby, we found that if we waited to start our winddown when we saw her first yawn, we were too late.  So it became a delicate balance of watching cues and anticipating cues based on clock times.  Abby's mantra cry was a bit more like talking/crying - and it was really hard to tell the difference in the beginning - so I would wait just 30 sec before going in and take time to really listen to what I was hearing, and then looking at her in the crib to see what she was doing.  Over time, I could tell the difference.  You'll get it - really, you will!!!