9 weeks old trying to introduce EASY - loads of questions!

[Ikle]

Today is the second time I've tried to introduce EASY and use the shh/pat technique.  I'm finding the book a bit contradictory and have the following questions which cover various sections of the book:

1) Is there an index of acronyms used in this forum? I've tried to use previous posts and the FAQ's (sorry about the acronym, but this is a universally used one that most people should know!) to answer my questions but am frustrated with the overuse/long acronyms e.g. IYSWIM....ridiculous.  I appreciate they make typing quicker but it really limits the use of the forum for newcomers.

2) I can only assume that the book was written in the days when babies were put to sleep on their stomach, hence the instruction to pat the baby on the back in the cot (shh/pat technique).  Any suggestions for where to pat babies that sleep on their back once they're in their cot, as most do these days?

3) I also read on this forum that the shh/pat technique can be done with your baby on your shoulder, but how are you supposed to see their eyes to tell when they reach stage 3 of sleep to put them in their cot? 

4) When do you cut your losses and stop the shh/pat technique if it's not working?  The book says not to cave in but my baby has been awake for 7 hours without a sleep.  Over Tired is an understatement.  He hasn't been overly distressed, but he's not slept and surely this can't be healthy for a 9 week old.  He's now asleep in his swing, like he has done to date for his day sleeps, which he usually sleeps 1-3 hours at a time.  At night he's fine in his cot, it's just the day sleeps he won't settle in his cot.

By the way, I tried the shh/pat technique when he was about 5 weeks old with the same results.  After reading various threads on this forum I read that babies under 3 months can't really learn to settle themselves (not what the books says mind you) so I gave up.  But next week I go back to work 1 day a week and have a babysitter coming to look after him and would like to give her some clear instructions on how to settle him as he can't sleep in the swing for ever.

5) On page 189 of the book is a sleep chart, however the 1-3 months age doesn't add up.  It says 3 naps 1.5hrs each + 8 hours at night = 12.5 hours, but the sleep needed per day column says 15-18 hours per day.  When do they have the other 2.5-5.5 hours?  I have seen this question asked before in the forum without an adequate answer.  Hopefully someone can help this time as I'm sure I'm not the only one wondering.

It seems to me that the book is lacking in detail, but hopefully someone is kind enough to take the time to answer my questions.  I'm feeling very sad that I've put my baby through a rough day trying to follow the book when really I didn't have enough information to tackle things when they didn't go according to the norm.

[dd822]

Hello and welcome. I am pretty new but will try to answer your questions. I don't have much time tho...

You should also get the "baby whisperer solves all your problems" there are more details there. Also the FAQ addresses shush/pat in more detail. You do it on your shoulder when they keep crying in the crib. You wait until the breathing relaxes and you feel you can put them down again.

IYSWIM/IYKWIM "if you see/know what I mean" I don't know of an index


I believe the book says if you are unsuccessful after 45 minutes or are approaching next feed time, to stop, feed and try again. However, you are mom, you know your LO (little one) so if you feel he is OT (over tired) then you do what you need to to get him to sleep (AP-accidental parenting) included.

HTH (Hope that helps!)

[Ikle]

Thanks for taking the time dd822.

I had a look at the FAQ for shh/pat and it was helpful to a degree.  I have decided that he's really not ready to self settle and to wait until he's closer to 3 months old.  He gets OT very quickly which doesn't leave much of a window to try the shh/pat technique and then the whole day is a disaster.

I couldn't find where it says to stop after 45 minutes.  Pg 183 says 'don't cave in'.  I'll have a look for the other book you recommend...although it's disappointing that it's not all in one book.  Like trying to bake a cake with only half the recipe.

[charmie]

Hello and welcome to BW.  I hope you can find the support you need from the mums who are in the same boat as you.

1) I don't know of an index of acronyms.  I still come across new acronyms myself.  So I ask and learn.  Please feel free to ask too, everyone will be more than glad to help you.  To get you started BW = Baby Whisperer, lo =  little one, OT= Overtired, UT= undertired, OS= Over Stimulated, DH= Dear Husband, DD= Dear Daughter, and DS= Dear Son.  Can't think of anymore right now.

2) I have BWSAYP and it never gave me the impression that babies were put to sleep on their tummies.  TBH I always patted her shoulder or tummy, but Tracy suggests to roll the los on their sides in order to pat their backs.

3)Agree with pp (previous poster).

4) Also agree with pp.  I believe that the do not cave in part is to be persistent and do it at each sleep time.  Shush/Pat is a tool that will teach your lo how to put himself to sleep.  As you said, los don't know how to self settle, and shush/pat will teach them how to do that. 

5) My book is on loan to a friend so can't refer to the sleep chart you mentioned.  However at this age my lo did 3 naps of 1.5-2hrs each and a 45min catnap late afternoon.  She also used to sleep much longer than 8hrs at night.  So it all depends on the individual baby.  They are all so very different.

Keep in mind that EASY is no quick fix.  And it is not a recipe.  It is just a guideline, a pattern to follow in order to make the day more predictable for your lo and for yourself too.  So one baby will be able to stay 1.5hrs awake and sleep for 1.5hrs at 3 months, while another baby the same age might be able to stay awake 1.25hrs and sleep for longer, or even less.  This site is great for tweaking the routines to adapt it to your lo.

HTH (Hope This Helps) and feel free to ask away.


xxx
charm

[summersusu]

The list of acronyms is under the Introductions.  Click on that and then there is a post for all of them.  My son is 9 weeks today. 
I never really did the pat sh because I didn't have the patience to pat him on the back, and kill mine in the meantime.  With my first son, he slept great in the bed at night and in the swing for naps.  I read in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, that once they reach about 4 months they develop more of a nap schedule and can settle for naps easier.  This was the magic age for my son.  So, I wouldn't stress at this age if he is napping and sleeping in his bed at night.  On the other hand, I feel like I have totally ruined my second son.  He has reflux so I cave in and let him do all his sleeping in the swing.  Sometimes, I get really worked up about it, but in the long run, will it really matter.  For now, we are all getting sleep.  In the back of my mind though, I keep saying I will start with bedtime getting him in his crib.  We will see.  I just feel like when they are older, it is a little easier.  For now, they are still new to the world.  HTH (Hope this Helps)

[* Paula *]

Welcome to the BW website.  Here is the link for the acronyms

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=51772.0

I agree with Charm EASY is not about following things by the book.  The book is just a guideline and gives you a basis to follow, however, you adjust according to your lo.

HTH's

[anna*]

Hi and welcome. You've had a few answers already, just wanted to add:

2) I can only assume that the book was written in the days when babies were put to sleep on their stomach, hence the instruction to pat the baby on the back in the cot (shh/pat technique).  Any suggestions for where to pat babies that sleep on their back once they're in their cot, as most do these days?

We would roll our LO onto his side, with a rolled up baby blanket behind him to 'wedge' him in place. Lying on his side it was easy to pat his back, and once asleep I would carefully remove the wedge and roll him gently onto his back. Once he was about 10 weeks I often found he slept better on his side so would leave him there for naps (on his back at night).

3) I also read on this forum that the shh/pat technique can be done with your baby on your shoulder, but how are you supposed to see their eyes to tell when they reach stage 3 of sleep to put them in their cot? 

As I understand it, and the way we did it, was to shh-pat on the shoulder until he was calm but not asleep. Then continue shh-pat in the crib to get him all the way to sleep. The idea was always to get him to fall asleep in his cot.

4) When do you cut your losses and stop the shh/pat technique if it's not working?  The book says not to cave in but my baby has been awake for 7 hours without a sleep.  Over Tired is an understatement.  He hasn't been overly distressed, but he's not slept and surely this can't be healthy for a 9 week old.  He's now asleep in his swing, like he has done to date for his day sleeps, which he usually sleeps 1-3 hours at a time.  At night he's fine in his cot, it's just the day sleeps he won't settle in his cot.

We would do shh-pat for 45 mins. If after there was no sleep after that time, we would come out of the nursery, feed, change nappy, then repeat the whole nap wind-down routine and start again. That said, our LO was a little older than yours (11 weeks I think) and we weren't dealing with chronic overtiredness. If Overtiredness is a huge issue for you I would resort to Accidental Parenting On Purpose - in other words, use any means available to help him to catch up on sleep, and return to teaching independent sleep when he is better rested.

Hope this helps, and that you'll find these boards useful.

anna
x

[TDR'smom]

I'm feeling very sad that I've put my baby through a rough day trying to follow the book when really I didn't have enough information to tackle things when they didn't go according to the norm.

Big {{HUGS}}.  I'm sorry you are feeling sad and having such a hard time!   

You should not feel sad, you are doing the best you can!!  Babies are so tricky!!  Just try to keep in mind that there is no such thing as a "norm".  Tracy's methods and books are to be used as guidelines and not as a bible.  With my first born, I made the mistake of trying to make him fit into this cookie cutter schedule and cause myself, himself and DH a ton of unnecessary stress.  A times (Activity) times, sleep times, they all vary so much from one baby to the next.  In the meanwhile, if you HAVE to resort to accidental parenting to get your lo out of his overtired state...by all means DO IT!  A sling, rocking, whatever you need to do.  You can slowly try to introduce Easy again in a few days when he is not so tired!!! 

Hang in there!!!  Parenting is not easy!!!!  But EASY will help!!! 

xxx
Judy

[charmie]

Hi again,

I have found an answer for you that was given by Jaime to another poster who also felt as confused as you about the sleep chart.  HTH;

'that confused me for a bit as well - particularly when my dd was small.  with my second, i started to think that maybe it meant how long the baby would sleep undisturbed - especially since mine seemed to have trouble at the end of a sleep cycle.  once we got better at teaching sleep, their naps would extend.  in the end, for a newborn you are aiming for 16-20 hours of sleep - regardless of how she gets them.'


xxx
charm

[Ikle]

Thank you all who replied above.  I loved the acronyms list!

I feel a lot better about things like him napping in the swing, and have managed to get him to stage 3 sleep without walking him around which is saving my back!  3 hour EASY is in place and seems to be working quite well although, he often wakes before he's due for his next feed, but thankfully I've got a content baby who is happy to wait for food.  My first son screamed from the moment he woke up until I put food in his mouth, which would have made it very difficult!

I think now that I know when to cut my losses with the shh/pat technique I will try it again around the 3 month mark, which is only in a couple of weeks. Fingers crossed.

[TDR'smom]

Sounds like things are going well!!!  Glad to hear it!!!

[* Paula *]

Keep us posted on how things are going.

[charmie]

Glad you have taken to the acronyms    Let us know how you are doing?


xxx
charm