4 week old won't sleep unless being held, please help

[scrandall1173]

Hi everyone,

I just started reading the Baby Whisperer.  We haven't started a whole EASY routine yet, but have tried to at least put baby down to sleep in crib or swing or bouncy.  She won't keep eyes closed for more than 3 MINUTES.  I'm reading on here about folks who are disheartened by their babies sleeping for only 2 hours at a time--  I would be thrilled if my baby slept for 2 hours--  my husband and I would be dancing in the streets celebrating!

She might have reflux...positioning has helped with her discomfort.  We have a wedge in her crib, too, to help with it.  The second we pick her up from crib or swing, etc, she is content and happy.  Right now the only sleep I get is when she is in her sling on my chest, and I'm in a recliner chair.

I can't imagine that EASY will work for us when I can't even put her down at all.

Any advice or suggestions or comments would be most appreciated!

Thanks...

Stephanie

[LeeLeeMelis]

How old is your baby? Does she cry when you put her down or is she just awake? Have you tried pat/shhh?  Is she swaddled? Are you staying with her well past the time her eyes close? We often had to continue patting and shhhing in our sons ear until he was in a good deep sleep.

Dont get overwhelmed with EASY, take it one step at a time. EASY is never easy! Let us know those questions and everyone here will help you get some sleep:-)

[sanaya]

hi sweety!

first off i would say dont get overwhelmed. easy is supposed to be easy.
second...we need to know how old your lo is.
third.....swaddling is super (even if YOU think your baby hates it, believe me its great)

read thru the book. seems like your baby is used to PROPs i.e. needs someone or something to put her to sleep or keep her asleep...rocking/swing/YOU. thats not such a good sign, no wonder you are exhausted and probably she is too.
remember good sleep begets sleep. so the better she sleeps during the day, the better she will sleep at night.
to sleep  train you need to be consistant and strong, its hard sometimes but sooooo worth it..

get ready with your EASY log and we are here for you. hang in there. it will all be ok.

hope to hear from you soon.
sanaya

[anna*]

Hi and welcome!!
4 weeks is soooo young! Congratulations on your new arrival!

I would definitely consider a good, firm swaddle (don't worry if she cries as it's going on, it may help her to calm down once it's secure), if you're not using one already? Also, take a closer look at reflux symptoms. I don't know much about it, myself, but I do know that she wont settle if she's in pain. Does she bring up her gas well? My LO was really difficult to burp, and we had a lot of trouble with pain from trapped air, but he did grow out of it (and they sell drops to help with it too, which lots of people find help a LOT).

Have you tried shh-pat? If you need more details I can post them here. Most little ones find it soothing, even if they cry for a bit at first.

Don't despair, sleeping is a skill they learn, you will all get there.

anna
x

[sanaya]

duh read the title again...says 4 week old.....oops sorry.

4 weeks is really too young to start any kind of sleep training.
shhhh pat worked wonders for my lo at 4 weeks, just remember swaddle tight, set the stage have a good wind down. darken the room, block out all visual stimuation. try white noise.
can u describe how u put your litle one to sleep currently?

anna put it so well..dont despair, sleeping is a skill.

so breathe, we will help you get thru this.

give baby a little cuddle from me.
cheers
sanaya

[summersusu]

4 weeks is really too young to start any kind of sleep training.

I agree...I nearly drove myself crazy with the first DS and did with this one   Naps were very difficult to train for my DS1 until he was 4 months old.  And with DS2, well same thing, reflux, hard to settle so young so he is in his room, white noise, swinging away in his swing and that is what works right now.  Right now just focus on seperating sleep and eating.  Eat, change diaper, cuddle, and then sleep.  Eventually u will see patterns with your LO and begin to read her signs.  At 4 weeks I think you are still learning your LO.  Don't stress if she is not sleeping every nap in her crib.  It will come.  Does she sleep well at night in her crib?  For now, do what you need to do to get her rested, swing, bouncy, chest. 

[scrandall1173]

thanks for the tips everyone.  I've tried the swaddle.  I've reluctantly tried a pacci (didn't want to do it so early b/c I'm breastfeeding).  We do a bath...then get her dressed...put her in the crib with music playing.  Pat her tummy/chest lightly and sing to her.  I've done a bit of shh'ing.

Of course, we've done this really sporadically. 

It's just really disheartening b/c she seems to disklike any place except mom or dad's chest or arms. 

Someone said 4 weeks is too young for sleep training.  When would be a good time to start.  I wonder if anyone has any ideas what to do in the meantime? 

My problem is that DH goes back to work next week.  I will be up holding baby all night long and all day.  This isn't a very safe plan...I'm concerned I'll fall asleep involuntarily.  The only time I could sleep would be in the evening..during the hours when my DH is home, and before he goes to bed.  So he and I will not see each other hardly at all.

I'm so afraid that I will have to resort to just putting her down and letting her cry...it's a better alternative to endangering her by risking falling asleep with her in my arms.

Help!!!

[sanaya]

hugs hun! seems like you are having a really hard time.

dont worry about the pacifier, babies need to suck. i breast fed and used the pacifier to help my baby sleep. give it to her maybe when you put her down it will help her to continue sleeping.

i would do as summersusu says and hold her cuddle her (if shes not crying i would advice you not to carry her so much)...when u see her getting sleepy/restless, swaddle, quiten the room, darken, give her the pacifier and then put her down to sleep, make her bed cosy and warm just like your body would feel to her....

hang in there, IT WILL GET BETTER.
read the book when you have a minute to breathe (i know what you are going thru...i had a similar experience with ds1)

xxx sanaya

[~Alexa~]

Hugs to you hun!! I know how hard those days are!! Remember that your lo was 9 months inside you, so she needs to be near you and to feel your warmth and your heart!! It is natural for the first weeks to be tough because they need you soo much!! I was in the same place as you are!! My DS only slept on my chest from birth till around 9 weeks.  I started shpat when he was 7 weeks, but it worked half of the times.  I continued letting my lo sleep on my chest.  What worked for me was that I let him sleep the first 20 min on my chest (by then, he would have gotten into deep sleep) and after those 20-25 min I placed him in his cot.  By waiting those 20 min, I ensured he wouldn't wake up when I put him down!! I did some AP, but it helped us get through those tough weeks.  I know how exhausting it can be, so I had to do this in order to have some time to sleep and rest for myself!! During the day, I would do the same thing, I sat on a chair and let him sleep on my chest the first 20 min, while he did this, I read BW!! And if it didn't work, I carried him in my sling so I could do some house work. 

I can tell you that you will have lots of time for sleep training, so right now, don't worry so much.  Try to do what works best for you and your lo.  Try the shpat and see if it works, but if it doesn't, let her sleep on your chest, or rock her, or feed her to sleep.   It is just a matter of time.  When I started shpat, I thought it didn't work, but now that he is almost 4 months, I see the results of all my effort.  Now, my lo sleeps independently most of the times!! So you will get there, even though you think it is not working!

I would definitely try the 4S ritual.  (Set the stage -close curtains, sing lullaby..., Swaddle, Sitting, and Shush-pat).  This really works for having a pretty good wind down routine.  So every time you close the curtains and swaddle her, your lo will know it is time to take a nap or go to sleep. 

One more thing, my lo has reflux, so he really hated me patting on his back.  Instead of patting, I rubbed his back, and now, he hates the rubbing, now he likes me to pat his bun, so it is a matter of trial and error.  See what works for your DD!!

Here are some topics that will really help you with the shpat and with sleep training. 

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=85500.0
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=1993.0
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26671.0

Keep us posted on how things go with you guys.

xxx,
Alexa

[scrandall1173]

thx for the support everyone!  you all are so sweet to take the time to reply as you have.  I appreciate your kind words.

we tried the shhpat for a couple hours last night.  this baby really doesn't like her crib!  She cried after two minutes of sleep, over and over.  I stopped to feed her, but after two mins in crib again, she was wailing like I've never heard!  The instant that I picked her up she was content as can be.  That makes me think that it's not reflux keeping her up, but she just doesn't like being put down.

she eventually got so drowsy later that she fell asleep in her bouncy seat, which is much more cozy than the crib.  She appeared to be out.  My husband and I went to another room with the baby monitor so that we could hear her.  We started to celebrate that our baby was finally asleep somewhere besides on us!  Well, within 15 minutes she had woken up and was crying for us.

I don't feel like all was wasted though.  We'll try again tomorrow.

My question is this....

Should I be trying this at every nap??  She gets so worked up I feel like I should ease her into it.  Maybe try it for a few hours twice a day.

What do you think?

[anna*]

The most important thing is that she does sleep - however you get there. I would definitely try a really firm swaddle again - it will give her the feeling of being held. Most of the cry as they are going into it and for a little while afterwards, but if nothing else it might help her to stay asleep once she goes to sleep. I would try shh-pat for a little while (maybe 20 mins) several times a day. If she doesn't find it at all soothing, you could try patting her butt instead of her back, or stroking her back, or humming instead of shushing.

Reflux pain is often worse lying down, so I would definitely check up on the other symptoms before you rule it out.

(((hugs)))

anna
x

[LeeLeeMelis]

My son would wriggle and fight the swaddle for about two  minutes and then melt during our windown. I'm with annafofana, keep trying the swaddle.  Like everyone said, it will get better!

[besjoux]

((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) I know how hard this is, my LO is the same way. We could not do ANYTHING without holding but we kept trying to provide him the opportunity to become independant. After a nap I would put him down while I was close by, etc. But my LO has been very dependant for night sleep and naps. The good news is that if I don't push my LO he sleeps 12 hours at night easily.....and he is not quite 3 1/2 months old yet. The bad news, we aren't having luck yet with independant naps, yet. I'm not catering to him but I also think I might be pushing him to quickly. We do swaddle (still) and he has a pacifier and I STRONGLY urge whitenoise.

I personally found great success in implementing a sling for an hour a day. Not for him to sleep, but so that I could feel good about accomplishing SOMETHING around the house. I get pretty depressed if I don't do anything around the house. Maybe a sling or front carrier would help you to hold the baby but not feel so constricted.

[~Alexa~]

I would definitely try the swaddle again!! It really helps them!
Keep trying the shpat for every nap, and if it doesn't work, don't worry! Use whatever you need to make her go to sleep! Eventually, the shpat will work.  Experiment with patting her in different parts to see what she likes. 

IT WILL GET BETTER!!

Hugs,
Alexa

[sanaya]

I would definitely try the swaddle again!! It really helps them!
Keep trying the shpat for every nap, and if it doesn't work, don't worry! Use whatever you need to make her go to sleep! Eventually, the shpat will work.  Experiment with patting her in different parts to see what she likes. 

IT WILL GET BETTER!!

my lo prefers the patting on the bottom. usually helps calming him down faster. hates stroking on the head and really did not like the shhhhh, prefered my humming mmmmmmmmm in his ears (pretty loud). the idea is to distract him from the crying since at this age they cannot concentrate on 3 things at a time. u will really have to figure out what your baby like. start with the traditional shhh pat. shhh really loud like a faucet and pat firmly in the center of the back and continue till your baby has calmed down.

read tracys : a special slee interview with tracy hogg.

u are doing good.