Naptime nightmare

[JJshappymum]

I don't even know where to start. My LO is 12 weeks and our naptimes have progressively gotten worse and worse. At night if he wakes up to eat, he settles again very easily, I can lay him in his bed and he falls asleep on his own with no help from me at all. I see he is tired, I lay him down and that is it. During the day it is the complete opposite. It used to be just evening fussiness, but now it happens at every nap. I try to read his cues and avoid OS or him getting OT. He yawns throughout his A time regardless of having had a long nap or not, he doesn't rub his eyes and by the time he starts getting fussy it is too late. He doesn't really give cues. Even when I get him at the first yawn, as soon as I get near his bed he starts whimpering and even when I have drawn the drapes, swaddle (makes him furious), sing him a song, sh-pat (and every variation), he starts crying even louder. He knows he is going down for a nap and that alone makes him scream. I never leave him to cry it out but even if I am holding him he keeps crying. If we leave the room he stops crying and looks very awake (but I know he is tired), he is happy only if we are walking around the house looking at things. He will stop crying for a few seconds and then starts again. This goes on for 45 min to an hour until he finally drops on my shoulder (out of exhaustion?). I feel terrible that he cries for so long and I don't know how to help him. I hold him but it doesn't soothe him...HELP!

[~Alexa~]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time!! I know how frustrated you must feel!! ((HUGS))

Can you post your routine? Include A times, length of naps, awake time, etc.

Does your lo have reflux?

Alexa

[JJshappymum]

I have a general idea but I will keep a log tomorrow and then post it to be more accurate. Thanks!

[JJshappymum]

Hi, this is how our day went:

E 1.50 am
A none
S 2.00

E 5.00
A 5.15
S 5.50

E 8.00 not really hungry. Wake up
A 8.05
S 9.25

E 11.35
A 11.55
S 13.00 We started wind down at 12.30

E 14.00
A 14.15
S 15.20

E 17.15
A 17.35 Bath at 18.00
S 18.35

E 20.00 Was waking on his own but then slept through feed
A none
S 20.10

I will attempt the DF at 11.00 but will need to change his nappy and that usually wakes him up. Today went better than yesterday in that the crying at naptime was shorter. He goes from all out crying to fast asleep on my shoulder in seconds!! What works at one nap to calm him down won't work at the next. We have him nap in the living room because we can't afford to keep the whole house warm throughout the day. It is just my husband and I so it is really quiet and I can even make the room very dark almost pitch black. When I do that though it makes him more upset, anything that has to do with naptime. As soon as I sit with him and he gets the drift of what is going on he starts whimpering and that escalates to screaming.
He had reflux but it seems to have worked itself out because for the past 2 weeks we have been able to lay him down without him being in pain. He rarely spits up after a feed and only if he is handled wrong. He doesn't take his paci anymore and doesn't want to be swaddled. He has his legs kicking the entire A time and is VERY curious. He loves to look at pictures and people in detail and even when he is exhausted he will be smiling and cooing at anyone and anything that will distract him from naptime. He also yawns throughout the A time so really I don't know when he starts getting tired.

[~Alexa~]

Hi there!!
At 3 months, los can handle from 1 hr 20 - 1hr 30 min A time.  http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64158.0 
I think your lo may be OT.  He is having 2 hr A times (which is tooo long) and this is making him OT.  By the time you start your wind down routine, he is OT and that's why he fights naptime.   
A time includes all the time bubs are awake, from the moment they open their eyes till the moment they close them again.  So try to start your wind down routine after 1 hr - 1hr 10 min. of A time.  By doing this, you will have a happy lo with no napfight! (Hopefully!)
The shpat may not be working because he is OT when you start doing it, so try it again, but this time try it after just 1 hr of A time.  And experiment with different things.  My lo doesn't like me patting on his back (he has reflux), but instead he loves the patting on his bun.  So try different things and see what works for you and your lo.

If he takes a short nap (30 - 45 min) then, you will have to reduce his next A time by 20 - 30 min.  So if he had a short nap, his next A time will be around 1 hr, so he will have very short activity to avoid OT. 

I would keep an eye on the reflux.  When I first read your post, it made me think your lo was in pain, because you said that no matter what you did, your lo would still cry, so just try to keep an eye on that.  My lo is a silent refluxer, which means that he doesn't spit up milk, but he still has heartburn which can be very very painful.  He takes an anti-acid and that has helped a lot during naptimes and nightsleep.  So if you think your lo may be in pain, talk to your ped, he may prescribe your lo some anti-acid or some med for the reflux and the heartburn!

You are feeding him at 5 a.m., but then he gets some A time, which I think shouldn't be happening.  5 am should be treated as a night feeding, so there should be no talking, no playing, no activity time, just feed him and put him right back to sleep!!

Try to feed your lo every 3 - 3.5 hr during the day.  Is he bottle-fed or breasfed?

When having short naps, your EASY will look more like EASASEASAS, so it is perfectly fine if your lo takes a couple of naps in just one EASY cycle. 

Hope this helps.  Keep me posted on how things go and feel free to ask any question if I have not been clear enough!!
Alexa

[JJshappymum]

Thanks Alexa, I really appreciate your advice! So far this morning I started the wind down routine 1 hour after he woke up and he went to sleep pretty easily! No crying!!  Now I understand how to go about giving him his bath without getting him overtired. I would wait 1/2 an hour after he ate to start his bath to avoid indigestion and that was making him too tired. I think it will take me a few days to get him used to eating and then going right to sleep at the 5.00 pm feed. I'll be persistant. Also, for the past 2 days I have been giving him a massage after his bath and that has helped calm him down considerably.
Again, thank you so much! 
Marina

[~Alexa~]

Hi Marina!! It's great to listen you are doing better!

I also don't like to bathe my lo right after he eats, so my lo has his bath and then he has his last bottle.  So you can do whatever suits you and your lo better!! 

I think it will take me a few days to get him used to eating and then going right to sleep at the 5.00 pm feed. I'll be persistant

I meant the 5 a.m. feed, not in the afternoon.  So when he wakes at 5 a.m. in the morning to eat, just feed him, and put him right to sleep!
In the afternoon, you can still do it as you are doing it, but having a catnap before bedtime so that he is not OT.  He can have a catnap at around 5 (just 30 min), wake him up, bathe him, feed him, and then do bedtime.  Or....Have the catnap at 5 (wake him up), feed him, bathe him, and then bedtime.  But I think you should keep bedtime between 6:30 p.m - 7 p.m. as you are doing it right now, because it is working fine with you and your lo!! 

Keep me posted on how things go
Alexa

[JJshappymum]

Hi there, things are going pretty well and now we have little or no resitance for going down at naptime! However, his naps are of 1 hour or less. When he wakes up he is wide awake and doesn't want to resettle, but this means that his A time is shorter and he is taking alot of short naps all day. It seems like all I do all day is put him to bed. To make matters worse, this makes for criticism from DH....any support I had is out the window now!

[~Alexa~]

Hi Marina!! It is very hard to keep up when DH don't support us, so I hear you when you say about the criticism!! But, just remember that you are doing a great job and you are trying to listen to your lo's needs!!

How long are his A times now?  Could you post your routine for the last couple of days (with the new A times)? It would be a good idea to keep a log for a couple of days until we get his A times right!!

In the meantime, you can read some info about w2s.  http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64168.0
At 3 months, it is very common that los start waking up early from their naps because they do not know how to transition from one sleep cycle to the next one, so when one sleep cycle is over (+/- 40 min) they wake up.  So we need to teach him how to get through the jolts. 
But first, I'd like to see your routine to make sure your lo is getting the right amount of A time.

Hang in there!! Believe me, you are doing an excellent job!!!
Alexa

[JJshappymum]

Well, basically, our schedule is not much different from the one I posted except that at 5 am we just eat and go back to sleep now and I cut the A time so that he is awake no more than 1 hour and 15 - 20 minutes (from the moment he opens his eyes to the moment he closes them). I start the wind down an hour after he wakes up and it takes about 15- 20 minutes for him to settle, sometimes just 10 minutes. I stay with him through the 3 jolts at the beginning of the sleep cycle. When he wakes up early, first I try to resettle him but that never works so I give him only 20 - 30 minutes and then try to put him back to sleep. That usually doesn't work either and we end up reaching a point where we are near his next meal time. I know that week 12 is one of the milestones as far as development goes and he also doesn't want to take his paci anymore so maybe we just have to weather the transition. I am just really tired. I will try w2s and see if it works. I've also noticed that for the past few days he keeps touching his left ear. He doesn't cry and he doesn't have a hard time eating (bf) but I have made an appointment with the ped to be sure there is nothing bothering him. Thanks for your encouragement, I will keep you posted!

Marina

[~Alexa~]

Big hugs hun!!  I know how exhausted you must feel, but hang in there!! There is light at the end of the tunnel!

Good luck with the dr!! Keep us posted!!

[JJshappymum]

Well, today was alot better! Getting to sleep was alot easier and it was shorter, only 10 minutes to get to sleep. The morning naps were great and the afternoon naps were shorter. I read the post about how to extend naps and holding through the jolts at the 38 minute mark. I will try it! Thank you sooo much!

[HeidisMum]

JJsHappyMum - I could have typed your post its that similar to what is going on for me, I hope you have some success soon and if there is anything particular that works for you I would be interested to hear what it was.

[~Alexa~]

I'm glad to know that you are doing better!!!

Keep us posted on how things go!!
Good luck
Alexa

What did the doc say?