2 week old doesn't sleep at night

[Sweetpeasmama]

Hi!  New here.  My sister got me to join and I know this will be a great forum for help. 

My little sweetpea is not yet 2 weeks old so we're trying to figure this out and get all three of us adjusted to this new world.  She naps well during the day generally, but nights are hard.  We change her diaper, I breastfeed her and then the fun begins.  She's hard to burp, often gets the hiccups and if I try to put her down she will fuss after a few minutes.  The only way to fix that is to pick her up again.  My poor hubby and I are getting no sleep at night from about 1am to 4 or 5am.   I generally sacrifice my sleep because he has to go to work and I know I might be able to make it up during the day.  Any ideas?  The only thing that seems to work right now is if one of us sleeps on the couch holding her, but I am not comfortable doing that long term.

[*Liz*]

Firstly congratulations on becoming a mummy 

And, secondly hugs, the first few weeks are just so hard. It will get better - it just takes a little time. It is very very normal for a 2 week old baby to not sleep at night. As you say they are still adjusting and do not know night from day.

You can help them differentiate night from day by keeping everything low key, quiet and dark. I avoid interaction - just meet the need and resettle - won't work immediately but will avoid waking them up more.

How is the breasfeeding going? Are you happy with how much she is getting and the latch? Any pain for you? Plenty wet/ dirty nappies? Hunger and wind are the most common problems at this age. A poor latch can make you lo more windy - especially if they are not turned inwards and have their head to the side instead of straight.

How sickly is she? Lots of spits ups? I'm wondering about reflux? Especially as you say she sleeps better upright. There is a checklist on the health pages on this site. I would suggest elevating the head of the crib/ basket (I put some books under the legs at one end) to see if this helps. Reflux is caused by immaturity of the spincter at the bottom of the oesophagus and causes baby heartburn which is most painful when they lie flat. Its very common!

Winding - how are you doing it? When my ds was tiny I used to wind him sat up on my knee with his chin in one hand whilst I rubbed upwards on him back with the other. Sometimes it is better over your shoulder, or with them lying flat across your knee. Experiment to see what works best. We used to use infacol before feeds to help the little bubbles form bigger bubbles which are easier to get out. You will need to experiment to find how best to wind your lo - me and my dh used to do it different ways.

And finally, please please don't sleep with your lo in your arms on the sofa. When you are exhausted accidents can happen as you are just not as aware as you would be normally. There has been quite a strong link to SIDS with this. I don't want to frighten you, just make sure you know. I know you said you are uncomfortable with it too. When my ds was 7 weeks old there was one night I was so tired as I had been up all night for days, and from 11pm to 6am I couldn't lie him down. Every time I tried he cried. I had no sleep at all. I was sat up in bed with him held against my chest at the side. I woke up when he cried and I had fallen asleep leaning my head on top of his head. We were both sweaty and I guess we had been like that for 45mins or so. I was so frightened - I never risked sleeping like that again - I always put him in the crib. If I got too exhausted to carry on my dh would get up for an hour or so even though he was working so I can recharge.

My ds has reflux and it was diagnosed the next day so I think you should get this checked out.

It will get better though - and sleep deprivation is sooo tough in the early days.

 

[Sweetpeasmama]

We're very quiet at night - I don't generally even talk to her and try not to wake her as much as possible.  I'm not sure if the nights and days are switched or not.  We aren't quiet during the day, but carry on normally, so I wouldn't think this is a problem, but who knows...

The breastfeeding seems to be going okay.  She eats for about 20 minutes average.  If I pump for that long I can get 2-3 ozs.  She doesn't have a great latch because I have issues and need to use a nipple shield.  Because of that, she doesn't always open her mouth wide enough and sometimes ends up mostly on the nipple.  We're still working on that, but I don't really have pain and she seems satisfied when she eats.  We definitely have plenty of wet and dirty diapers!  I use the football hold to feed her. 

She has been spitting up a bit lately.  Not a lot of spitting up, but I do think she has reflux especially since she seems more comfortable upright rather than flat or even at a small incline.   My sister's youngest was given Maalox for his reflux and I'll be asking the doctor about that when we go back for the next checkup.   I'd rather not give her anything like this unless it's really necessary and the doctor says to do so. 

To burp, we generally put her high over our shoulder and pat.  That works for my husband most of the time, but rarely for me.  I then try sitting her on my lap and rubbing and patting her left side.  She's very difficult to burp and I often don't have much success with it, but I try several different ways before giving up. 

I'm very conscious of SIDS and it does worry me a lot.  This is why her sleeping with us is not a good option, but has been the only way for us to sleep at all the past couple of nights.  We're very careful about how she is positioned so that there are no blankets near her and everything is supported so that we hopefully don't have an accident.  Hubby and I are both light sleepers as well.  It's still not a good idea, I know.  We have a new swing upstairs in the attic and we're going to get that down today and set it up and see if maybe that helps her sleep tonight.  It works great for my sister's baby with reflux because it keeps him somewhat elevated.  Someone suggested I try the car seat, but I don't like the idea of having the baby so strapped in for so long - I think that would be just as bad in terms of SIDS, especially since she's bent over almost too much. 

I know, this too shall pass, but meanwhile, we're soldiering on as best we can and loving all the precious moments in between.  As much as this is a pain and we're tired, she's the sweetest little angel and we love her dearly.

Thanks for your advice!!!!

[*Liz*]

Oh, you sound as though you are doing so well. I remember the third week after ds was born - my dh was almost despirate to get back to work so he could sleep in the spare room  and I soldiered on alone and ended up exhausted.

Do try elevating the head of the cot - it really helps so many los. Try the swing - just leave it static so it isn't a motion prop.

I think many men are better at winding los over their shoulder - I'm not sure why - perhaps the flatter chest and broader shoulders? Some people swear by walking around or up and down stairs to help 'jog' it out. It is worth trying infacol or your equivalant.  It isn't absorbed into the babies system so its quite safe to use.

Things will improve - I promise.

If you think it is reflux - do get it treated early. It will make such a difference to both of you.

I do understand about co-sleeping. I've done it myself, but don't anymore.

 

[A pair of Charlies]

Hi

Congratulations!!! And welcome to Baby Whisperer! 

The first few weeks / couple of months are especially hard. You're getting to know her and to be a Mother (never as easy as the movies!) and she is just getting used to being on the outside, having to cry for what she wants / needs... and it must all be really scary for her. And it seems like it's never going to get better. But it does. Promise.

Okay. So you're having wakeful nights....Can you tell us a little more about your days? How long is she sleeping during the day, how long are her naps, how long is she awake between naps, where does she nap, sleep at night, is she swaddled, anything in / over her crib, what's her sleep environment ...

It's really early days but I'm just trying to get a feel for your EASY and a clear picture of what's happening.  How it's going and where we can help you on the road to feeling a lot happier, enjoying your baby more and feeling more in control.

Here's a couple of links that give you some information on EASY in those early weeks. Might be worth a read:
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64627.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63243.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=141660.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=65742.0

Sleep environment: there are things that you can do to make sleeping in the crib more inviting. Warming it first can help (got to be careful with the temp though and none of the microwave heatpacks - hotspots), rolled up towels along the sides to make it snug (as if she's held), swaddled (I had doubts but slept next to my DS when swaddled and loosened his swaddle at night so wouldn't get hot), the scent of you (I wore his blanket before he went to bed, stuffed my top in there down the side sometimes for the smell etc). Lots we can try.

Sleep training: sounds hard core but at this early age it isn't. Really what it's about is making that transition from your chest and arms to a crib seamless, unnoticeable and feel safe. Ssh patt is great for this - see the above link. Making it really dark, white noise etc can really help. Let us know what you have now and we can see where we can help.

So, now the really hard bit: Sleeping together in the sofa.
There is a link I am about to give you. It is upsetting, disturbing, but it is true. And one thing I'm pretty sure of is that the Mother didn't ever expect it to happen to her and doubt she'd ever had risked it. It is upsetting. Up to you if you read. But when I read it, well it scared me so much that I didn't do it again. And it is hard. You're not tired, you're exhausted. When you feed, you both get sleepy. She's most comfortable sleeping against your chest because it's upright (some babes just prefer this, mine did), she can hear your heart / your body and that was home to her for the longest time she's ever known, you're warm, she's swaddled in your arms (constant warmth, closeness, love). But there are alternatives and this is the point when your brain has to give you a big shove out of the sofa and to somewhere safe. It isn't worth the risk. It just isn't. I'm sorry to share, but... http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=110480.0     It isn't worth the risk.

My story: screaming baby that would not be put down until 7-8 weeks of age when we found BW and shh patt. Was in his crib the first time we tried it (it did take a long time the first time) and within the week, he was being laid down drowsy but awake. I hated co-sleeping and never did it on purpose. Luckily, if I dosed off when feeding I slept so lightly I never slept for long and would wake up and move DS. But then he'd wake and I'd end up sitting with him in my arms or him lying on top of the covers with my arms around him...and me barely sleeping. When I read what could have happened, well, it strengthened my resolve to make sure we slept safely.

Come back to us and let us know about your days, how they look in terms of E, A, S and Y (!), and how / where she's sleeping. We're all here to help.

HTH

Charlotte

[A pair of Charlies]

I mentioned this first link in my post above, and being a numpty brain forgot to include it!

 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26672.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=85500.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=141531.0 (I've given a really long winded description of how we did ours here somewhere in this thread...it's long though  )

HTH

Charlotte

[Sweetpeasmama]

Thank you all for the advice and I am reading through all the links.  I will post more and reply with our routine asap! 

[~*Nicole*~]

Hello!! and Congratulations!!!

I just wanted to say hang in there! I was a new mom this past summer, my DD was born in August and me and my husband went through the same things. She slept great in our arms, woke often when we tried to put her down, she didn't seem to have reflux, but she did spit up a bit because she was also difficult to burp (I would always try, but I would often give up and she eventually started burping on her own).

We also didn't know what to do, then I took out one of Tracy's books from the library and found this site. The book really helped us figure out what to do to teach our lo to sleep well. It took a couple of weeks (she was older as well and HAD gotten her days and nights worked out fairly well) but she became a MUCH improved night sleeper! Now she's usually pretty fantastic! The swaddle was a huge help for us.

The last thing I wanted to tell you was, there was a time, rather exhausted, that my husband fell asleep with our lo on his lap. He awoke when she cried because she had slipped and fallen slightly to the side, thankfully not off of him, but into the arm of the couch. When he realized that he almost dropped her (if the arm had not been there, yikes) he never fell asleep with her on the couch again. Neither did I. He was terrified. So, lack of sleep or not, please please please be careful.

If you are at your whits end and nothing is working, there is a gliding baby seat that vibrates and plays music. It glides back and forth OR side to side, whichever way your lo prefers. Our family calls it the "magic seat" because almost all of our babies, when they were young would fall asleep in it very easily and stay asleep in it for a good amount of time. It also keeps babies on somewhat of an incline.

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2265136


Best of luck!

[A pair of Charlies]

  Josephine is one of my favourite names. I'm am SOOOO delighted to see it out there! 

[~*Nicole*~]

Thank you. It is after my grandfather, Joseph. He is an amazing man.

[Sweetpeasmama]

After reading all the replies about not sleeping with the baby on the couch (which I knew was not a good plan from the start, but sometimes when you've not slept at all....), last night I put her in the car seat.  I wasn't sure the car seat was a good plan either, but after talking to some friends, it seems maybe it isn't as bad as I was thinking.  It would keep her elevated somewhat and also feel snuggled in.  She has been napping well in the car seat and even slept for about 2 hours last night in it.  I think perhaps we may have another issue now.  I am not sure she's eating enough at each feeding - I'm breastfeeding and the past couple of days she's wanted to eat every hour to two hours.  I know it's a growth spurt and I'm trying to keep up, but it's muddling the issue of her sleeping.  Not sure now if she'll sleep well in the car seat once she's eating enough or if we'll be back to square one.  I am trying the car seat because I think we have reflux issues.  We have a doctor appointment on Monday. 
So to answer some questions as best I can...  She has a mini-crib that we use the Boppy Sleep Positioner in - it slightly elevates the head (only about 2 inches) and has moveable padded sides to make her feel more secure and so we can lay her more on her side rather than flat on her back.  She will sleep in this usually during the day for a couple of hours.  At night, she tends to start fidgeting and fussing after about 5-10 minutes of being laid down.  For the most part, night and day, she is in our living room.  During the day the television may or may not be on and when it is on, it's turned down very low.  At night, there is a nightlight and a very low wattage lamp on just so we can see to change diapers, etc.  The baby's room is not ready, so she's practically living in our living room.  I was changing her diaper when she started waking, then breastfeeding her (usually only feeds on one side), burping if possible, then swaddling her back up (she now seems to prefer to not have her arms swaddled) and laying her down in the crib.  Generally at night, she starts fussing within minutes.  If we hold her, she is quiet and falls asleep.  When we try laying her down again, she often wakes up no matter how long we've been holding her (waiting for REM sleep). 
Thank you all for the well wishes and great advice!!  I read most of the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer before she was born, but trying to make it work with a newborn is hard. 

[~*Nicole*~]

Our nursery wasn't done until our DD was 3 months old!!!!! She was in her bassinet next to our bed for the whole time so I understand!!!

The carseat is a good idea, the snuggled feel may appeal to her. Also, I know when you lay her down you are swaddling her, but I had a friend tell me that her son didn't like to lay in a bigger space so when she did put him in the crib she used the crib bumpers to create a smaller triangle (somehow she positioned them through the slats of the crib at one end only to make a smaller triangular section) that was much closer to him and made him feel cozy.

To be very honest, my husband and I did not find the Baby Whisperer for awhile. At first, we had a lot of the same trouble as you. Since you and your husband are both light sleepers, if you feel comfortable you can try doing what we did. (Be forewarned as it is uncomfortable!!) I chose to let my daughter sleep in bed with us fairly often when she was very young; a few days to a month or two. She would go to sleep in her bassinet for a couple of hours or so but then when she fussed and needed feedings and diaper changes she had a hard time resettling and for the sake of my own sanity and need for sleep, I brought her into our bed and let her sleep between us. (It actually happened accidentally, as I would drift off while nursing as I chose the lying down position for the middle of the night feeds--she would drift off when she was finished and I would drift off during and realized that we both slep better next to each other) I made very sure to keep the blankets down low on my waist so they would barely cover her legs (she was born in summer so she was quite comfortable temperature wise). I also either had her head in the crook of my elbow elevated or flat on the bed but I used my arm to make sure she was surrounded on all sides by my body and arm to be sure she was protected. I am a very light sleeper and would wake any time she moved or breathed heavily etc. I got sleep this way, as she slept much better, but I was often sore and stiff from the awkward positioning. I ended up stopping because my husband is a heavier sleeper and I was afraid he would roll onto her and I did not feel comfortable having her sleep towards the outside. I realize now a co-sleeper probably would have worked well for her, where she could feel me, because I could reach her and touch her, but it would have been safest for her. If I were you, I would look into them. I really think it's easiest to do what you need to do, in a safe way, for the first month or so, and then as your baby matures, figure out how to best teach them to sleep on their own based on their personality.

I hope that made sense.

Oh PS: My daughter fussed and fussed and tried to break out of her swaddles, but if I could get her swaddled and she fell asleep, she stayed asleep MUCH longer than if she was not swaddled because of the startle reflex. I would try a couple times, let her drift off and then sometimes swaddle her better once she was pretty much asleep. She got used to it and started to associate it with going to sleep as she got older and as soon as I started to wrap the blanket snugly around her she would turn her head to the side and get ready to drift off!!!!! We just started leaving her arms out recently around 5.5 to 6 months as she is using her lovey and can find her own pacifiers and doesn't startle herself.

[Sweetpeasmama]

The way you describe sleeping in the bed is exactly how I was sleeping with her on the couch, except I had her to the outside.  I figured the drop to the floor (we have a very low couch) would have been less than if she got somehow wedged between me and the couch.  I had her very propped up as I was also propped up with pillows so it was almost as though we were just reclining slightly from a sitting position rather than laying flat.  I am not sure if it's the proximity to me or if it's the almost sitting position which helps with reflux.  I don't know if I'm having breastfeeding issues, but I've pumped twice today and my supply seems lowered for some reason, so we're supplementing with some formula mixed with the pumped breast milk to make sure she eats a full meal, then we'll see how the car seat does again. 
I may try swaddling her arms in again as well and see if that keeps her asleep longer because she does start flailing her arms when she wakes and I'm sure that's not helping either.

Thank you!!!  (here's hoping for a more restful night tonight....)

[~*Nicole*~]

I will tell you one thing....not to scare you , but just because of my profession. I am a teacher. I teach children who have multiple disabilities. Two of the girls in my class have disabilities related to a fall when they were younger. This is one of the reasons I am sooo fearful of falls, especially at a young age, because you can't control where and how they land.


I do hope you get a better night's sleep.

About the breastfeeding: have you been nursing exclusively or pumping when you would be nursing if you were giving her pumped breakstmilk? (I tended to skip nursing sessions to go out or to work or to let my husband feed my lo and I ended up having breastfeeding issues, which is one of the reasons I ended up going to formula) My co-worker is diligent about nursing and pumping when she can' t to keep up her supply (2x a day at work and I think she wakes at night to pump so she has enough for her son during the day and also keeps up her supply)

Best of luck!!!

[A pair of Charlies]

Hi there

Okay, let's see what we have here.

Reflux: are there signs that you are seeing that makes you think reflux - sounds, noises etc or is it just the upright preference? Reason I ask is that my HV and my Doc both repeatedly told me that my LO didn't have reflux. Eventually, I took a recording on my mobile of the noise my babe was making when he was lying down to sleep (elevated) - when she heard it she wrote a prescription.... so if there are symptoms, it can be worth taking evidence if you can.

The car seat sounds great... but you are creating a sleep environment that I don't think you will want long-term. Say in 6 or 9 months time - do you want them napping in a car seat? I'd recommend thinking about what you want long-term and we can get you a plan on how to get there. In the meantime, you both need safe sleep and if the car seat is giving you that, it makes sense to grab it!!

Right then. Growth spurt. Here's a link to managing it: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=66001.0
As you think you're experiencing BFg issues, would you like me to see if we can split your post here and make another one in Breast Feeding? You'll get a lot more BF experienced eyes on it there and that can only help. For now, I'd say you are bang on due a growth spurt. The info in the above link is great on how to manage it. It is hard, but lasts a few days or so and is the normal run of things. Feeds will settle down. The main thing to understand is that what she is doing is normal - feeding more frequently. Doing this increases your supply so that it matches what she needs. A pump isn't an effective guide of how much you are producing. It can only tell you how much the pump is taking from you. Babes are far more effective and efficient than any pump. What's more, many many mothers do not get the same letdown with a pump. So, for now I'd suggest ditching the pump and focusing on feeding on her demands. Your supply will increase over a few days to the amount she now needs to take, and her hunger cues will normalise a little. By offering formula now, you are unwittingly interfering with your supply - which is completely focused on what she needs. Even pumping in place of a feed at this point, isn't the best option (but better than skipping it and giving formula) because the pump won't remove as much as she needs, so the balance is off. Formula and BM are different. BM is higher in calories but more easily digested. It's a myth that formula is more filling. You need less BM than formula.

If you want me to get this split and start you a BF post, let me know. Can get you heaps of help there. Including guidance on checking your latch, reflux feeding positions, assessing whether oversupply / overactive letdown is at play here.

At this young age the key is to really follow their hunger cues, rather than following the book. If they seem hungry, feed. It's hard to make sure that they get enough rest too - and during a spurt you might find that all their life is is just eat and sleep. Sleep is when they develop and grow which is why BW puts such emphasis on creating good sleep environments.

Which leads us to sleep environments! The nursery not being ready isn't a prob so don't go beating yourself up!!! And watch out for the effect of paint fumes when you get closer to moving your LO in there - I'd leave it a good week at least (well well aired) as their systems are so delicate.

Okay. So background noise during the day seems to help. Your LO might then find it hard at night because of the change in environment - quieter. Perhaps play white noise, or keep the tv on really low or just some background music. Could be the quiet that is uncomfortable for her. She's been on the inside a lot longer than the outside, and inside you is pretty noisy. There are CDs that you can get that reproduce the noise of the womb etc. Just ideas. 

Fidgetting as soon as she's parted from you and laid down at night. I'd suggest swaddle tightly, shh patt til she's either really drowsy or asleep then continue to shh patt in the crib. Keep it going until she's in deep sleep. Gradually overtime you do less of the shh patt to get her to sleep, and she does more of getting herself to sleep. In the night, it's dark, different, cooler. You are warm, smell of the comfort and home she knows. I really suggest trying shh patt at night. It's described in detail in the links I gave you before. Shh patt makes the transition from home, warm comfort to the crib less dramatic because they are totally focused on the sound and sensation of the patt. Can also give you suggestions on making that crib more inviting / comforting if you want.

BW doesn't really advocate co-sleeping. That's not to say that BWers all don't co-sleep; I'm sure there are some that may do, BUT it's not something promoted or ever suggested. Here's why:
 * SIDS: co-sleeping can make this a higher risk. An exhausted Mother asleep is not as effective as an awake Mother looking for dangers. In my experience, when my LO slept with me in the night I found I couldn't get into a deep sleep. And for a while this was reassuring until one day I woke up with a start to realise that the sheets etc usually kept down at my waist I had pulled up around me (cold) and over my LO too. Not not not not not not NOT EVER worth that risk. I was lucky. Very very lucky. Exhaustion doesn't come with a warning before it really hits: an warning alarm doesn't go off. There's a reason it's often sited as a danger.
 * Prop: by sleeping together you can become the prop that your LO cannot sleep without. And breaking that is really hard. My sister is a co-sleeping mama. Her eldest son left that family bed of his own accord at 2years old. His younger brother is 8 (I think) and will not sleep in his own bed. Her husband left their bed years ago as he needed to get decent sleep for work. Teaching independent sleep at a really young age is a great thing; trying to do it when they are older is really tough. 11months is harder than at 6 months. 5 months is harder than 2 months. I'm speaking from tired and often really painful and upsetting experience - I was the prop my LO couldn't sleep without for a very very long time. A hard habit to break.
 * Day naps: if they need you in bed with them sleeping, long-term your naps are going to be frustrating.
 * Troubleshooting: when things are up with your LO and you're trying to figure it out, co-sleeping doesn't help because it makes it harder for you to work out what is wrong? For instance, in the months to come you'll wonder whether naps disturbed because of teething, illness, needs a longer A or because you're not asleep with them.... not sure if that makes sense or not.

Sorry...really really long and rambly but just want to help you get through these early weeks as smoothly as possible. Let me know what you think?

HTH

Charlotte