New to EASY with an 11 week old - HELP!

[sunspot]

Hello.  Thank you so much for this online community.  It has gotten me through this first week on EASY with my 11 week dd.

Prior to EASY, I was feeding her every four hours from 8-8 and she would wake up twice at night.   She would take naps in between most feeds, sometimes in her stroller, sometimes in her crib, sometimes in her bouncy seat.  And if I had to I would put her on the breast to calm her down and get her to sleep.  Last week, though things changed and she was very cranky and overtired for several days.  She was constantly crying and miserable.  I think she was overstimulated.  I knew I had to teach her to self sooth.  A friend told me about Tracy, so here I am. 

The problem I'm having is short naps.  My dd is very alert so when she wakes up in the middle of a nap it is impossible to get her back down.  In between the smiles she gives me are the yawns.  I do shh-pat, with limited success.  When she's crying, how much shh-patting do I do before I leave the room?  Any other tips on how to handle this?

I've become so devoted to helping her sleep, I've hardly left the apartment this week and have stopped putting her in her stroller for walks.  This has not been easy on me, and I'm not sure what to do.  I really want her to fall asleep on her own.

Here's today's schedule so far:
I have her on a 3 hour EASY, but should she be on a 3.5 or four hour?  She was getting enough to eat when I fed her every four hours.

6am wake and feed (I want this to be 7am)
7am sleep (we had a rough night and I had no trouble getting her down.)
9am wake and feed (Her only activity was a diaper change.  It took me half an hour of shhing and rocking to get her to sleep.)
11:10am sleep
11:40 wake (when she woe up she let out a quick cry then quietly played in her crib)
12:15pm I picked her up out of her crib to feed
1:40pm sleep
2pm awake
From here it's been a battle to get her to sleep.  At 3pm I fed her and after a few minutes she fell asleep on my breast, so I put her into her crib, but that woke her.  I've been in and out of her room shh-patting.  She's slept for a few minutes at a time. I started feeding her at 4pm and again she's falling asleep. I took her off the breast at 5 and put her in her bouncy chair. She's been content for the past 20 minutes, but shouldn't she be exhausted???  I guess I'll start another feed a 6 and put her to bed.

One more thing, I do swaddle her, but I started letting her arms out this week because she started sucking on her fingers.   I tried the Aussie Swaddle, but I can't get it tight enough to make it work.

I'd really appreciate any advice.  I'm so confused.

Regards,
Rita

[becky1969]

I think she's OT and that's why it's taking sooooooo long for her to fall asleep and her naps are sooooooo short.

7 am she went to sleep easily and slept for 2 hours.  That's because she only had about 1 hr A time.  At this age, we expect a MAX of 1h20-30 minutes.  From what you've shown me you've got 2 hours A time.  I'm guessing your'e starting wind down at around 1.5 hours but it takes her 30 minutes to fall asleep? What we really do is start wind down a good 10 minutes before the end of A time; so, if A time is supposed to be a max of 1h20, we start wind down NO LATER THAN 1h10 minutes after waking from previous sleep.  Just to be clear, A time begins the moment they wake up.  Sometimes moms get confused and think A time begins after they eat.  Nope.  It's as soon as their little eyes open *then* A time begins!


She probably will be closer to a 3.5 hour EASY once naps get sorted.  She'll then have 2 hour naps and about 1h30 waking time, which will put you at 3.5 hours between feeds.  Since she can often handle 4 hours you may just have some feeds that are smaller than others.  That's OK! It's how the routine works best and by 4 months she'll be able to stretch that awake time enough so that you'll easily have 4 hours between feeds.


If we can get those naps sorted it will be easier to have a 7 am waking. So, here's how your day will look; remember, don't go by the clock! You're going to pay attention to her sleepy signs, with a mind on the fact that she should only be able to handle a MAX of 1h20-1h30 of awake time.  Use her sleep cues to help.  First yawn is your cue to start wind down.

6 am wake
7:20 nap (2 hours)

9:20 wake
10:40 nap (2 hours)

12:40 wake
2:00 nap (2 hours)

4:00 wake
5:20 nap (cat nap, so 45 minutes)

6:05 wake
7:25 in bed for the night!  (hopefully get a 11-12 hour night)



Does this make sense?

[sunspot]

This is soooooooo helpful.  A few things... 

What do I do when she wakes up early from a nap and is wide-eyed and all smiles, even though she is yawning?  Do I pick her up and do the wind down and try to get her back to sleep?  If I leave her in the crib and to shh-pat she ends up crying and it's impossible to get her to back to sleep.  And then it will be time for the next feed anyway.

Also, at this age, can she really go 11-12 hours at night?  What do I do when she wakes up and shh-pat doesn't work?  Right now she usually wakes up at 10:30p, but shh-pat works.  But I feed her at 1ish and 5ish because I can't calm her down.  How do I wean her off those feeds?   

Finally, today she was up at 6:30 and I fed her at 6:45.  Should I wake her at 6? 

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

[becky1969]

Oh no, don't wake her at 6! Let her sleep as long as she wants in the AM.  I just used 6 am as an example.  The clock times don't matter -- just the length of time between sleeps, if you get what I mean.  If she wakes at 6:30, just use that as your start time and calculate A times accordingly.

If she wakes up early from a nap you need to try to soothe her to sleep again.  Shush/pat is one way, but if that tends to stimulate your little one, you can just lay your hand on their bum or back and shhhhhh loudly in their ear.  That's actually what my son preferred.  The patting just got him revved up! Since we're dealing with a pretty OT little one, I'd even OK rocking a bit to try to get back to sleep and get naps back on track.  Then once you've got a couple good long naps under her belt, then we stop any kind of props. That's a bit counter-BW advice, but when a LO is just beat and needs some good rest in them I think a little AP (accidental parenting) can't hurt.  We just don't want to do it more than a nap or two.  After that you're going to have to find a soothing technqiue that suits her personality, whether it be shushing, pressure, both together, etc.



When I say a 12 hour night, I just mean going to bed around 7 pm and waking 7 am, but probably having a feed or two in there as well.  You may want to start a dream feed in another week or two.  Lots of help on DFs in the FAQ sections of the General Sleep board, I believe.  When LOs drop their night feeds isn't a guarantee.  Lots can do it by 12 weeks with the help of a DF to get them thru until morning.  Others need a night feed until solids are firmly established.  Just depends! You're also headed towards a growth spurt here pretty soon, and so you want to feed your LO when they're hungry! If they don't soothe, that's a pretty good indication that they are indeed hungry! 

If LO is already waking at 10:30, then a DF might be a good thing to try since that's the time we typically try to feed them.  DF depends on them being asleep, though, so you'd probably want to try to feed her while she's asleep at 10:15 or so.  That 10:30 waking is probably from being OT, so hopefully once we get naps fixed that waking will disappear on it's own, and you can just add a DF in there to help tide her over until morning.

And remember: Awake time begins the moment their eyes open, not after eating is done. 

[sunspot]

More questions...  you've been such a help...

I've been soothing her by shhhing and patting, listening to soft music, and walking around the room.  When her eyes have finally closed, and seem to be staying closed, I wait about 30 seconds and then put her in her crib.  I keep shhh/pat for a few minutes after that.  Is that the right way to do it? Should I be putting her into the crib sooner?  This whole process can takes a good 30 minutes.  Is that normal?

Also, her first two naps were quick today, so I decided to try something different for her third nap.  I sat next to her crib and every time she started to move and open her eyes, I put my hand on her and did some shhhing.  She went right back to sleep every time.  I managed to extend her nap to 1:30.  Is it a good idea to keep doing that?  I don't mind sitting with her, if it means longer naps.

[becky1969]

We're working towards putting her in her crib with her eyes open.

Here's a good description of what to do:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26672.0

and this has several scenarios you might find useful:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=85500.0

and this is Tracy's sleep interview -- mandatory reading!    This helped me IMMENSELY
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=62051.0


In short, we want to teach our children to sleep independently.  So we relax them as much as possible, and then put them in their crib to finish the sleep process.  We want them sleepy but not eyes closed.  You will probably have to shush/pat at first to help get her off to sleep, but you gradually will need to do that less and less.  As for staying and shush/patting to extend nap, that's absolutely fine!  And again, you will gradually need to do that less and less as she gets the idea.  Make sure you are putting her down during her sleep window, as being overtired/overstimulated will cause them to be easily roused like you are describing.

You're doing great!

[sunspot]

Wow.  That was a lot of information.  I learned a lot and will use what she said during my daughter's next nap.

I hope you don't mind all these questions...  You've been a tremendous resource.

I've been wondering about the dream feed.  Should I introduce it and what should I expect as a result?  In the average evening, I feed her at 6:30ish, then around 1am and 4:30am. 

[becky1969]

I don't have my BW book at hand, but I *think* she says wait until 12 weeks to start DF? Not sure about that tho, so I'll try to check later tonight.

At any rate, you're no more than a week a way from trying, so I'll try to give you the basics! The DF is given while baby is still sleeping. You do your very best not to wake them.  This takes practice, so don't be too upset if the first few times she wakes up.  You'll keep all lights out and noise to a minimum.  I actually would put on cordless headphones an dlisten to a book on tape for both DF *and* night feeds to keep me from interacting from LO. That helped him go right back to sleep, I think!

Anyway, what you can expect from DF is a few more hours of sleep out of her.  DF must be done before 11 pm; Tracy says it disrupts sleep patterns if done after that time.  And I believe her.    So, whatever is convenient for you or DH going to bed -- say 10, 10:30.  Quietly feed baby and put back to bed.  NO DIAPER CHANGE! In fact, avoid changing unless soaked no matter what.  Then, hopefully, LO will sleep until 4 or 5 the next morning.  As she gets older she'll sleep longer and longer until you have a LO sleeping thru the night, from DF until 7 or 8 am! Yahoo!  That 4 or 5 feed will be treated as a night feed, so again minimal lights and interactions and no diaper change.  Just feed and right back to bed.

Having a spouse do the DF is a wonderful option as then you can go to bed early, they stay up a little longer to feed baby and then mommy gets to sleep until 4 or 5 am.  You'll feel like a new person! 



And glad to answer your questions, love. There were countless mommies who answered mine while Owen was small.  And frankly STILL answer my questions when needed!    It's the BW way.  Isn't it great???!!!???