15months - refuses to feed himself, spits out lumps & now spitting out most food

[A pair of Charlies]

What happened? I thought he was doing okay at the eating malarkey; not great, but okay.

We've had a few issues - refuses to feed himself so he'll either throw his plate off his tray if someone doesn't feed him and wasn't a fan of anything too lumpy but now he's getting really really fussy. The latest is to refuse to eat clementines (anything orangey) or grapes; things he couldn't get enough of. And things he would feed himself. 

I'm stuck. He can get the food on a spoon and into his mouth - a shop bought yoghurt proves this time and time again. He's on it within seconds and only wants help because he can't eat it quick enough.

At the moment, all he will eat is bite size lumps of sandwiches (refused today's though), toast, lumps of banana (hit and miss). Refuses his fruit (used to be a definate winner), veggies (petit pois used to be picked out as a fav, now thrown out of plate). If fed his porridge or weetabix, mashed sweet potato, veggies n lentils, he'll eat that. In an effort to get him to get through the day I feel like I'm constantly cooking baby food or giving him rice cakes and raisins as snacks. This isn't how I meant it to be. 

So. Enough of my whining. Anyone been here before with a particularly strong willed spirited LO? I don't know whether to not offer him anything else to eat unless he feeds himself - to take a hard line. But then what if he doesn't eat? He's on one nap now and has lunch before nap - if he doesn't eat well he doesn't take a good nap, then gets OT and we have days of hell trying to get back on track.

Please. Anyone got any ideas? Please.

TIA

Charlotte

[MLK]

Hugs Charlotte, it's so hard when toddlers suddenly stop eating all their faves - and they do because they aren't growing as fast so aren't as hungry! So they don't actually need as much food as before!

Now is also the time to drop some milk feeds too as it fills them up too much. 3 milk feeds a day is plenty. and if you can make the lunch and dinner ones after meals that's even better. I'd stick to 3 meals and a couple of small snacks and that's it. If he doesn't eat, he can wait till the next mealtime! if you give him a BF after lunch then hopefull that will last him through his nap even if he doesn't eat much.

At each meal I'd give him something that he likes plus something that you'd like him to try and not make too big a deal about what he eats. He'll let you know if he's hungry. And if he needs you to spoon feed him, then do, otherwise he can do it himself. He'll let you know what he needs - he's spirited! Main thing is to avoid getting stressed and mealtimes becoming a battle.

[~*Nicole*~]

I just started reading the Tracy's BW toddler oriented book. She was talking about this in one area. A couple things I remember her saying were that they might not be as hungry. Moving around and exploring may interest them more than food. They are learning your responses so they try different things to see different reactions. If you offer snacks or foods during other times that are not mealtimes and not in a highchair (in an attempt to get them to eat more b/c you're so worried) they might get into bad habits and not do well sitting at the table and expect snacks or foods at their whims and become grazers. She basically said to keep a regular meal routine. Highchair, offer foods known to eat, offer some new ones, when your lo throws food or turns away and refuses, meal time is over, take him out of the chair and move a long with your day, then at the next meal time, repeat.

Here I found a quote from the book for you:

"Toddlers are notoriously fussy eaters--a fact that concerns many parents who consult me. "Back off" I tell such anxious parents. Concentrate more on making the mealtime routine consistent than on making your toddler eat. I assure you, your child won't die of malnutrition--numerous studies show that despite occasion lapses in appetite, otherwise healthy toddlers manage to eat a sufficient amount and balanced selection of food if their parents don't push them."
 
and this quote:

"Consider the meal over when your child stops eating. Many parents, undoubtedly anxious about proper nutrition and adequate food intake, try to sneak an extra bite into a toddler's mouth, or they coax and cajole him, even though he turns his head away. Even worse, some follow him into the den and try to shovel a few more spoonfuls while he's playing. Remember the intention of this ritual: to teach your child mealtime mores. One doesn't play while eating.


I just took this out of the library b/c I was curious about some of the things upcoming for DD. Not sure if it is helpful to you at all, but since I was reading through it currently I thought I'd send the info your way.

Best of luck.

-Nicole

[A pair of Charlies]

Huge thanks to both of you!!!  Info really helpful and kind of confirms what I know I should be doing but somehow lose sight of when I get into a 'hungry and won't nap' fluster.

Consistency of a routine has always been the best route with DS so far. So will stick with being consistent, not fussing and will keep that mid afternoon snack to a small limit instead of giving him a bit more than I used to simply because I worry he's hungry because he didn't eat much yadda yadda yadda.

He's on 3 BFs a day: 7am when wakes, 2.30 / 3pm when wakes from nap, 7pm bedtime. Solids at 8am, 11.30 am & 5.30pm. Snacks at 3.30pm ish (after BF).

So, I'll stick to the above, keeping the snacks to a dried fruit limit (should be enough as had milk before!) and I think on days where I'm worried and flustery, I'll bring supper forward by 30mins instead. Will stick to the consistent mealtime approach. He signs when he's finished pretty consistently so I have a clear rule on that if he signs that he's finished, he's offered 1 more mouthful (offered, not given IYKWIM), if refused we do the sign together and I clear his tray. Often he signs that he's finished and instantly tidies his tray up himself, putting his fork and spoon in the bowl, cup in the bowl and tries to shove the bowl off the tray (onto the floor  ). When he does that, it's a clear finished to me so nothing extra offered.

I've just got to be clear and consistent. Just panic when he seems to be only eating porridge and won't feed himself. Got to put a no-panic head on!!

Thanks again for the great advice 

Charlotte

[MLK]

Hope things improve!

One thing I forgot to mention is that my DS1 used eat most of his food by mid -afternoon so that he wasn't hungry at dinner. So it might be worthwhile to make lunch the more substantial meal of the day if that is happening to you. Or have  "dinner" at 4:30 pm and cut out the mid afternoon snack.

DS2 is just starting to get fussy with food (12 months old) so I'll be joining you in the same boat soon!

[anna*]

Ah, welcome to the toddler years. It was such a shock to me when Stan started rejecting all his previous favourites. Couple of things that I found helped... 1) have evening meal earlier, if he is tired, he won't eat. 2) Don't drop snacks - Stan really needs them, if he gets too hungry, he'll be crabby at mealtime and will just throw stuff. 3) Give him a fork and show him how to stab little bits of food and get this to his mouth. Fun! 4) Don't hover watching. Sometimes he eats better if we eat together, but if he's not eating and I'm getting stressy, it's best if I just go and tidy up in the kitchen or something. Usually he'll start playing with his food and eventually shovel some in his mouth. 5) Give him a tiny, tiny, tiny microscopic taste first. He makes a disgusted face at the first taste of everything (except yoghurt), even things I know he really likes. I give him a teeny taste, let him really check out the flavour and texture, don't be in too much of a hurry, then say 'nice hey? want some more?' before giving him any more. 6) (wow this is getting long), give him something that I'm 'fairly' sure he likes at least once per day. That way if he eats a good lunch, I don't mind if he just has half a banana and some hula hoops for supper. 7) Remember that a toddler's appetite takes a big drop. Stan used to eat masses, now he eats much smaller portions than he did as a one year old, but he's still growing, happy, thriving, sleeping... etc.

(((hugs))) nothing makes me sad/angry/frustrated more quickly than food refusal. I think it strikes to the core of a mama's instincts to feed her young.

[~*Nicole*~]

Glad you're trying to de-stress!

[suevcameron]

Hiya
Have to say, Charlotte, your comment about your little one refusing to eat everything but then having no problem eating shop bought yogurt really made me laugh. I have a 13 month old who is doing exactly the same. Very very frustrating. You start thinking that maybe you've managed to reinforce some bad behaviour but reading other peoples posts I think it's just normal baby/toddler behaviour - just asserting their new found independence I guess! Thanks anna*, will apply your tips to my little one too. Good luck Charlotte - hope this phase passes quickly!!
Sue

[A pair of Charlies]

Hi Stacey 
 
Thanks for adding. I (accidentally) shifted DS' supper back a little and this does seem to have improved things. But does mean that it's then a rush for bath-time etc, but at least we're not clashing over his eating. I also cut down the snacks a lot too as I realised that he maybe he was getting too much.

He's got loads better at eating some foods, but still point blank refusal on any lumps of fruit. Canines cutting at the mo, so maybe that's not helping. And may-be he just wants some control.

I've done some experiments with feeding himself. He can do it; he will happily feed me with great accuracy and he will feed himself if my hand is on / under his. So I do the scopping and he just pulls his hand to his mouth when he's ready. I figured little tiny steps of me doing less and him doing more. And encouraging his sense of control, in a positive way... hopefully.

Will switch the feeds around if we continue with difficulty as I do wonder if there may be a milk preference lurking. He's signing for it a lot in recent days. 

Thanks all

Charlotte

[AshleyB]

Hi, Charlotte. I've been reading your thread because Chandler is having the exact same issues. Since they are the same age, I think this is more than coincidence! It really gets on my nerves when she refuses food I know she likes, especially when I've gone through the effort to buy/prepare a healthy meal that she will enjoy. However, it's not about me, right?  I read the BW toddler book and have been trying to not offer her multiple selections at every meal just to get her to eat. She'll eat when she's hungry or when she can (teething). I explained that to my DH, but he still keeps running back to the kitchen to find more food to entice her with. I really don't think it's the food choice that's the problem! However, like you, I've resorted to feeding her myself. It keeps her from playing with/throwing the food. She's so uninterested in eating lately that she will just smear the food around and nothing gets in her mouth. Sometimes I don't even put the tray on the high chair. I just keep the food on the table and spoon or hand feed it to her. Seems to work in getting more in the mouth!

Let me know how things are going with Charlie.

[Alex mom]

hi girls. my lo is 15 months old , he was eating wonderful two weeks ago, all the food and by himself, NOW he doesnt want to eat, he just take two spoon of food then he  starts playing with food and the spoon i try to feed him he just get mad  and starts crying, finally he just trouhght the plate away , i dont know what to do is happening every day dinner and lunch.

i m starting to hate meal time

[Colin Macs Mom]

Could he be teething?

[clh]

How are things now?  I remember those panic feelings very well, especially with J.  He went from literally eating more than me to seemingly nothing.  It was just his transition from earlier to later toddlerhood; he just didn't need as much.  I'll hold off on any advice to see how you're doing, and since a lot of mine has been given by others.    I'll watch this space, though.