it just keeps getting worse!

[leosmommy]

My 2.5 year old son has been a bad eater right from the start, not eating any meats, vegetables, well... you name it , he doesn't eat it!  Lately its' just been getting worse and worse and now we are at the point where he will only eat bread, cheese, kraft dinner, and apples.  Thats it.  I need some new tactics.  He refuses to TRY anything new, won't let it touch his lips, and just looks at the food i give him and pushes it away saying "all done with this lunch".  I  think it's mostly a power thing as he is very persistent.  SO in a way i giess it's my fault for giving in, i just hate to see him not eating anything.  BUT I cna't do it anymore.  I am the parent, i know what is good for him, and he needs to accept it, eat it and get over it.  SO I need some help.... how do I start?  I want to be fair to him and try and keep it from been an awful experience...but at the same time, he needs to know 'm serious and this isn't a game.
- do i keep him at the table and MAKE him eat somehting on his plate.. a piece of ham, chicken, a pea, a carrot piece etc... until he gives in a eats it
- do i just let him go when he says "all done with this lunch" and he can go hungry with no snacks or other food until the next meal?
- if i give him lunch and he doesn't eat it... do i give him that SAME plate for dinner too?  Or do I just get rid of it, and when dinner time comes along, he gets a fresh start with his dinner plate and we go from there?

PLease please please help me!  I can't take this pickyness anymore.  I've taken him to the doctor about it and they aren't very helpful.  She just told me to feed him what he wants and he'll get what he needs.  But i dissagree... he doesn't KNOW what he needs, and it's hard being out, or having him babysat when people don't have the kind of cheese he wants or cut up the way he
wants etc... i'm just so sure it's a power thing and enough is enough. 

[leosmommy]

I forgot to mention too that I do try hiding foods, but he finds them or seems to just KNOW somehow.  I offer dips and sauces but he just uses the food i want him to eat as a means of consuming the sauce (in other words, he dips the carrot in the dip, licks off the dip until the dip is gone), I offer him vegetables cooked, raw, cut into shapes, I have him help me prepare foods (which he will) but he still won't try any of them, I put his food on colorful plates, with fun utensils, straws etc, i've tried adult plates and utensils, i've let him stand to eat, sit to eat, eat ouside, at the table in his room etc, still doesn't consume anything, i've tried the peer pressure ( he has cousins the same age who eat wonderfully) and he watches them but still won't try.  Other people can't coax him, distracting in front of tv doesn't work etiehr... so i really don't know what else i can do but be VERY VERY firm and not give in anymore...

[Mashi]

I have always been of the opinion that you offer one thing that he likes and the rest is a case of what you are making.  Offer it, when he's done, he's done, and that's it.  He can wait until the next regularly scheduled snack time or meal time and again, have what is on offer.  Or choose from two options. I don't withhold snacks that are a regular part of the day (so if there is always a snack at 3pm and he didn't eat his lunch, he can still have his snack...but he can't have a snack outside of snack time because he's hungry from not eating lunch, iykwim).

I believe that leaving him at the table and forcing him to eat one thing can cause more food issues than what he is already having, it then becomes not just pickiness but a control thing and you trying to control your toddler. I don't think it's right to force anyone to eat, even when it's mother and child (my DH and I are currently disagreeing on this however....).  And, as for offering his lunch plate for dinner, well, put yourself in that position - would YOU want your lunch plate for dinner?  Prob not, and it's likely going to taste worse at dinner time and he will either be less likely to eat it (so you've not gotten anywhere) or if he does try it and it tastes awful he knows next time that that particular food is pretty gross and won't try it again! 

With offering one thing that he likes, obviously it is hard if he's only on KD, apples, bread and cheese. Not very much to work with. But could you start by including bread and cheese with his dinner (whatever you are having as a family) and include something that he USED to like as well. Limit his portions of bread and cheese and encourage him to eat something else with no pressure at all. Tell him how good he is when he tries it, etc etc.   But don't let him eat a FULL meal of just bread and cheese.

I wonder if at 2.5 he's old enough to be into rewards and stickers? Could you make a chart on the wall in the kitchen with some different foods on it, say 9 or 10 - tomatoes, ham, chicken, potatoes, crackers, corn, rice, etc - include one or two things (like crackers) that you are pretty sure he's likely to eat so that it's not impossible for him.  Give him stickers whenever he tries even just one bite of this food. Make sure these are offered several times through the week. You could even ask him what food he wants to try that day, let him go and pick one from his chart.  Under the picture of the food leave a happy face and a sad face and after he's eaten it he can circle if he liked it or not. Anything with a happy face you can stick a picture of that food on a larger chart that is pictures of all of the foods that he likes.  Keep them on the fridge or kitchen wall or someplace as a reminder for him.  Once he has tried everything on the chart and gotten all of his stickers he gets a reward of some kind - and you make a new chart!  You could even make the chart together, cutting pictures of foods out of supermarket flyers or drawing them.  Not sure if that's all above and beyond a 2.5 year old or not though? 

[squeakersmum]

Hi there - not reached that stage yet (only 10.5 months) but have heard a couple of things.

Some LO's really do have a very restricted diet for a time - I have heard that the veggie thing can be because of developing taste buds making them taste bitter - some sort of throw back to when we were cavemen or something - but don't quote me on it!

Have also heard/seen food training where the parent will sit with the child and a yoghurt or other thing that they know the child eats and likes and says 'you only get a bite/spoon of this if you eat this bit of ... '  I have seen this approach work really well, but it's very time consuming and I would imagine quite harrowing for the first few days where lots of tears of frustration/anger at not getting own way happen.

Alternatively I also know of people that have just gone with whatever their toddler would eat until they grow out of it. (I was one of these toddlers and used to go to my friends houses for tea and only eat cheese sandwiches...until I was probably 10 or 11 at least).

Sorry I can't be more help - I know other people will have great advice for you!

[Peek-a-boo]

- do i just let him go when he says "all done with this lunch" and he can go hungry with no snacks or other food until the next meal?

I'd go with this one.  If it's food that saves well, when he says he's done, I'd save it.  If he asks for food again before the next meal/snack time, then I'd offer him the left overs.  (I'd only do this with food that is saves well; I don't think it helps matters to offer food that has become icky--i.e. I had a neighbor who saved cereal with milk on it and tried to force her kids to eat it hours later .)

For me, I've decided what food I consider wholesome and am willing to accept him eating and try to limit his food options to those things all the time.  If they know that by holding out long enough they'll be offered something unwholesome, then they will generally hold out.  Now, my DS still doesn't eat nearly enough vegetables, but does okay with fruit and eats lots of whole grains, so I'm willing to accept that and just keep offering the vegetables or sneaking them in.  

Some kids who are spirited/touchy sometimes have some sensory issues that I think it's useful to be respectful of.  This can cause them to reject food of certain textures, colors, flavors, etc.  There are a few books--Deceptively Delicious and the Sneaky Chef--with tips for how to sneak pureed vegetables and fruits into kid favorites.  

It also helps to offer a "winner" with every meal--a small serving of something that your little one does like so that there's at least one item on the plate he'll eat to get the ball rolling.  

I also saw an interesting idea in a magazine.  It suggested that you start with whatever food they are willing to eat and make one tiny nutritional improvement to it.  I'm not sure what kraft dinner is, but think of something you can add to it--perhaps really finally diced steamed cauliflower or a little bit of ground beef--keep offering it with that little modification until he accepts it and then make one more modification.  The example they used was with a child who will only eat pizza.  Start by first adding one veggie in addition to the regular toppings, then add another, then drop an unwholesome topping, then make the crust whole grain, etc.  

I'd also really try not to turn it into a power struggle because he will win.  It's his mouth and his tummy and you cannot make him eat.  You can offer wholesome foods.  Kids at this age often have a much lower appetite than they used to because they aren't growing so rapidly, so they  can hold out for a while hoping you'll offer their favorites--that's why it's important that everything you offer is wholesome.  

Okay--lots of posts while I was typing.  Totally agree with Mashimaro.    Good luck! 

[leosmommy]

I love the idea of this pictures of foods, i might try it even if he is on the young side cause it's new... and might be fun, he could even help put the pictures of the food on the chart when i make it or something!!!  I tend to agree with a new dinner if he doesn't eat the lunch, it's a valid point for sure, and i do usually try and feed him at least SOMETHING he will eat, like today s lunch for example I gave him 7 grapes(he likes), a mini sandwhich of ham (won't eat) but I put on a slice of processed cheese (likes) , but he wouldn't eat it... jsut pulled the ham off, threw it on the table (couldn't touch his plate) and ate the bread, and i gave him 4 vegetable chips and v8 fusion juice.  I just feel guitly when i know all he's had for lunch is 5 grapes ( he didn't eat them all), and a measly small piece of bread form the bottom of his sandwhich!!! ahhhh...

[Mashi]

I try to look at the positive side of things: grapes=good.  Vegetable chips = could be worse.  V8 = good.  Bread = good.   Not bad is it! 

Will he eat grilled cheese?  If so, ham can be cut up into miniscule pieces (unspottable sized!) and as Bethany says, added into the sandwich.  If your LO is like mine though, that would be the end of grilled cheese if he didn't like it, as my LO loses trust in trying new things if I try to trick him.  At 2.5 years old, if that is the case, then I would try something like a grilled cheese for both of you, yours with itty bitty tiny pieces of ham in it, and his not. Cut both sandwiches up into 4 squares, change one of his for one of yours.  If he fusses and notices, then pull an "ooops, sorry, did you get one of my squares!  how did that happen!?" and then dutily check his other ones with him to make sure they are all okay.  At least that way you tried, but you don't get him started worrying that you're going to try to trick him all of the time, iykwim?

Other ideas I have seen are in leaving snacks for "grazing" around the house - a little tiny bowl full of cherry tomatoes, a bowl with some cut up apple, some cubes of cheddar cheese, some shreddies, etc.  you could do a mix of things he likes and things he doesn't at first, and let him just pick at them while he's playing. just put them out, tell him you're leaving some snacks around the living room and if he wants any then he can help himself.  every now and again make sure he sees you having a couple and let him get on with it. if he doesn't eat any, then that's fine. If he does, then super!!

[leosmommy]

yes, he loves grilled cheese and yes again, if i hide something in it, he will refuse it next time becuase of the trust thing... i will try your idea of hiding it and giving it to him by accident if he catches me!  I usualy try to put some snacks out and if he doesn't want them i just leave them there anyway, so i will continue to do this and maybe someday he'll TRY something!!!!!! thanks!

[leosmommy]

well I just want to give a quick update to all who have respondead!  We had a pretty good week!!!  I started by going out and getting a little matchbox schoolbus (he likes busses these days!) and at dinner, I put it in front of him and told him, he could open it and play with it IF he tried his dinner.  Dinner was homemade cabbage rolls.... HE ATE THEM, ASKING FOR MORE!!!!!!! so i gave him the truck and we all went to bed happy that night!  Since then, he will TRY new foods or foods he doesn't love if he "gets" something... not great i know.. but it's a start i figure.  So, for instance, if he wants a cookie, i tell him, if he eats this many bites, or all of something, after dinner he can have a cookie... or even if he asks for more juice, i tell him 1 more bite, then juice etc. SOmetimes i have to put the cookie in front of him so he knows he's getting it or let him hold his juice refill while he eats the bites..... He also really likes it if we make a big deal out of him eating, so if he eats a piece of chicken for example, he will eat more if we clap for him or give him a high five or go "woohoo" or something.. so mealtimes are loud now. I did not give in no matter the fuss, and if he chooses to forefit the meal, i let him, and he gets a new meal or snack at the next appropriate time. 
I still wish he would just eat things without all the hoopla, but at least this has got the ball rolling, and honestly i think he's eaten better this week than he has his whole life.  My hope is that eventually over the next few weeks, these foods won't seem so foreign to him or he'll remeber having had them before and liking them and it'll get a little easier..  I also SOMETIMES serve something I reallllllllly want him to try with a piece of bread with melted cheese on it (his fav) and then if he eats a few bites i'll give him another little square and so on....
Thanks again for all the reply's, things are looking up and I am so pleased!!!
just for fun, here is the list of things he tried this week... and not just a bite but a few!!!
- chili ( including beans)
- homemade veg soup (cabbage, carrots, celery, pasta, zucchini)
- homemade potato leek soup
- homemade cabbage rolls (filled with ground beef and rice)
- apple sauce
- homemade pasta soup with egg, spinach and few chicken shreds added
- scrambled eggs
- yogurt
- piece of chicken hot dog

[speechie]

wooohooo! great progress!

[Mashi]

WOW that is amazing progress in a week!  I think you have done a super job!!!!