Crying in the morning?

[anna*]

Hi there! So I had a couple of epic threads about Stan's EWs which basically lasted from 12 to 24 months. Things are better (I know 6.15 is still early, but for now I am still just grateful that it's not 5.30). We have a gate up at his door and bedtimes are easy now too. Very rarely do we get a NW.

We've got a system where a light comes on when it's time to wake up. If he wakes up and sees the light, he can call mummy. If he wakes up and sees the moon (nightlight), it's time to stay quiet in bed. For the first week we had the gate up, he did great. He would run and open his bedroom door, call me, I would say 'it's still sleep time', and he would be quiet until 6.30 when the light came on. Then at 6.30 I would hear footsteps thundering to his door and he would call me and tell me it's time to wake up. I would go in to find he had been looking at books, or playing with his teddies or cars.

But now, the routine seems to be, wake up between 6 and 6.15, and cry really hard until 6.30. Once, he slept til 6.30, but if he wakes up before the light he just comes and bawls at his door. If it was one or two mornings I would say it was just a little regression, but it's been a solid week if not more and I don't want this to be how our mornings begin!

Every night at bedtime we talk about how he can call mummy if the light is on, if it's not he can turn on his (other) light, look at books, play with his toys, but that it's a time to play quietly. He nods solemnly and says 'yes' and can complete my sentence, ie 'when the light is off it is time to...' 'quietly' 'when the light is on it is time to...' 'call mummy'. It just isn't happening like that though.

Maybe I should set the light to come on later and then he'll get fed up crying and start playing which would get him back in the habit?

[deckchariot]

{{{{{hugs}}}} Anna!!  Is he having any teething issues or nightmares?  It almost sounds a bit SA-like to me.  Is the crying the inconsolable crying or the "get in here now mummy" crying?  What are you doing when he cries and does that seems to escalate or calm him?

[anna*]

No nightmares as far as I can tell, he isn't waking up in the night and when he's crying in the morning he doesn't sound frightened. Teething, possibly - I had been medicating for weeks and no teeth showing for it so I took a break, but will try giving him something when I go to bed, although I don't know if it will last til morning?

The first thing he does is run do his door and say 'Mummy? Mummy?' If I don't answer, or if I do (to say it's not time to get up), he starts crying 'I want mummy... I want mummy...' just sad sounding - gets more and more as time goes on. Sobbing. I hear him stamping his feet, honestly it sounds like he's just cross that he's stuck in his room and he wants me to get up and be with him. I'm just really worried that he's going to get stuck in this habit, and that our mornings will start at 6am followed by 30 mins of crying, which is a sucky way for all 3 of us to start our day.

I used to do WIWO but that was SO much worse - if he sees me, I can feel his adrenaline (for some reason I feel his adrenaline like it is my own) because he knows I'm going to leave, so he's instantly trying to grab me, hold on to me, think of anything he can say/do to get me to stay (even saying he's done a poop and needs changed when he hasn't). And then when I do go he is sooooo unhappy, crying 'Please come back mummy... I want you!'

So instead, I stay in bed, both bedroom doors open (and right next to each other) and I call out to him to say very calmly mummy's here, it's OK, it's not time to get up yet. When I speak it sets him off crying again, but I don't want him to think he's alone, so I keep quiet a lot of the time, just call out to him when his crying eases off enough that he could hear me and when I feel like he needs to hear it.

[deckchariot]

I just had another thought - did this start around the time you weaned from bfing?  It sounds like some SA to me, especially since nothing else seems to fit, and based on how his crying sounds.  I think you're handling it in the right way - both by preparing him the night before and by comforting with your voice when he does cry and call out for you.  To borrow some of Mashi's language from a previous post - I'm of 3 minds...
1) you idea of setting the clock a bit later and seeing if he just needs more time in the am to wake up nicely and go back to playing is worth a try (though that could backfire and lead to 30 min of screaming instead of just 15)
2) going back to sitting outside the gate and doing GW from that point with the 6:15 -6:30 bit (though that feels like you've lost all the ground you've gained)
3)continue doing what you're doing and just give him some more time to see if he'll adjust (though that I'm guessing feels a bit hopeless to you, but if it's a reaction to weaning/teething/SA, it just may take more time)

I"m clearly not very helpful at the moment....I just want to make it better for you   {{{{{hugs}}}}

[anna*]

(((hugs))) Michelle - I know you do, and I love you for it!

OK, well I'll give him some Nurofen when I go to bed tonight. Yes, it started the same time as weaning BF to tbh it's not a 'new' thing as such as he has always woken up crying in the morning, apart from when he was able to leave him room and come in to us, but that came with it's own challenges 

It's between 1) and 3) for me. You know my worry, right, that continuing as we are will just ingrain this as a habit, and will become our new morning routine - and that if I give it another week, it will feel even more 'entrenched' and less likely to change.

[deckchariot]

I'm with you on that....Why not try option 1 for a week and see what happens - but use your current strategy (voice comfort only) if he still wakes crying?  It's sort of a compromise between 1 and 3

Abby always wakes from her naps crying - she just has a hard time waking up.  We've alternated between cuddling with her and just telling her she needs to stay in her room until she has a better attitude.  And really, they both are only moderately successful.  Maybe some bubs are just not good waker-uppers (my new made up word).  Of course it's radically different when Abby does it at 3 in the afternoon vs. Stan at 6 in the morning.

I'm wondering if the bf weaning has heightened the difficult wake up for him - because he misses that cuddle time with you?  If that's the case, then it will get better as you remain consistent.  Keep emphasizing the night light bit and reward him with loads of extra cuddles when he does quiet down til 6:30.

[anna*]

I moved his light later by 15 mins so it will be time to call mummy at 6.45. Got a bad feeling about it, like we will just listen to him cry for ages. If he were to eventually stop crying and go and play, that would feel like progress. Hm.   Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it now!

[louis-mummy]

The first thing he does is run do his door and say 'Mummy? Mummy?' If I don't answer, or if I do (to say it's not time to get up), he starts crying 'I want mummy... I want mummy...' just sad sounding - gets more and more as time goes on. Sobbing. I hear him stamping his feet, honestly it sounds like he's just cross that he's stuck in his room and he wants me to get up and be with him. I'm just really worried that he's going to get stuck in this habit, and that our mornings will start at 6am followed by 30 mins of crying, which is a sucky way for all 3 of us to start our day.

I used to do WIWO but that was SO much worse - if he sees me, I can feel his adrenaline (for some reason I feel his adrenaline like it is my own) because he knows I'm going to leave, so he's instantly trying to grab me, hold on to me, think of anything he can say/do to get me to stay (even saying he's done a poop and needs changed when he hasn't). And then when I do go he is sooooo unhappy, crying 'Please come back mummy... I want you!'

Sounds just like Louis when he was crying for me.....so sad 

How is Stan's routine now?

I think consistency is the way to go, Louis did eventually learn although he still 'tries it on' every now and then.  Do you feel like any of this is him testing the rules?

I'm finding some success with speaking in a low and calm voice (not the one i feel like using!) 'i know that you want me and we will have lots of cuddles when its time to get up but its not time yet, Louis go and have some more lovely sleep and we will all wake up happy'  Doesn't always work but it does calm the atmosphere and helps me feel that i'm not feeding the anxiety.  Easier said than done every time though, i know!
fingers crossed for you

[anna*]

Grr, same deal this morning. Not hysterical crying, just crying for 40 mins

Laura, how long did it take Louis? The first few days Stan did great, now it's been over a week of just crying every morning, no attempt to play or do anything but hang over the gate crying   .

His routine tends to be:
6.15am awake
12.30pm nap (1hr at nursery, will sleep 2hrs plus at home I usually wake him after 1.5hrs)
7-7.30pm bed (usually 7 on a nursery day, 7.30 if he has had a longer nap)

[deckchariot]

{{{{{hugs}}}} Anna!!!  Your routine looks fairly good, so I don't think it's  a routine issue...unless maybe he's a bit OT and that's causing a bit on an EW.  It looks like he has 6 hr 15 before nap but only 5.5 after his nap.  Has that been a typical pattern for him?  I know EWs have been a constant battle, so I"m just grasping for anything here.  At his age, 11ish hrs at night is about average, and it looks like he's just under that, and his nap is about average too.  So on the other end of the spectrum, is it possible he's just ready to get up at 6:15?

Honestly though, my gut is that it's just a testing of the new boundaries (not "regression" so to speak, but just seeing - is Mommy really going to stick with this?  And combine that with weaning, he's probably missing some mommy closeness time and is looking for it here.).  Stan is nothing if he's not persistent, so I"m just wondering if it will take some more time?  I know that's not what you wanted to hear.  Wish I had more....

[anna*]

It's fine by me if he's awake for the day at 6.15, I would just like it if he could be in his room for 15 mins before I have to get up! I'll have to stick to this, but who knows what I'll do if it's still like this in another week. It drives me nuts that he is so immovable and ornery about wake up times. I am not a morning person, and there is a huge psychological difference to me between 6.15 and 6.45!

[clazzat]

What do you do when you get him up at 6.30?  Perhaps if at that time he had a cuddle with you - in your bed if you thought that was okay, or downstairs watching tv (when I get up with E we watch MTV Hits for half an hour - she loves it!  ) - then it might make up for no longer having a bf at that time.  If you give him some milk then while you are cuddling it might help too.

[anna*]

I try to always have cuddles, but it can take me a while to get him to calm down enough to come near me, and he has often does a poo. This morning he BF'ed (I'm doing 'don't offer, don't refuse' weaning method - and although I tried to distract/dissuade him he was quite certain) and apparently there's still milk there and he calmed right now (of course).

[clazzat]

Has he normally done a poo when you go to him?  Is there any way that that could be what's bothering him between 6.15 and 6.30?  Would a nappy change and then "you need to play in your room for a bit while mummy wakes up properly" help?

[anna*]

Sometimes he's done one, other times not. He also calls and tells me he's done one whether he has or not. I should probably go and check and change him if necessary, but he gets SO anxious when I've been to see him and he senses that I'm going to be leaving, and then when I do leave he is absolutely inconsolable, so much worse than if I just stay out of sight