3 month old - spending 8pm-12 each night to make her go to sleep

[lokloktang]

My 3 month old always wake up after sleeping (nap or bedtime) for 40 min. Over the last week, I tried hard to make her fall back to sleep (nap) after 40 min and succeeded, but she still wakes up after 40 min of bedtime.

For naps, I always lay her down before she falls asleep. For bedtime, I used to always nurse her to sleep (and she used to sleep from 7:30 and dream feed at 11, then she slept until 9am) not knowing that wasn't appropriate. Started 3 nights ago I try to lay her down before she falls asleep, but she still wakes up after 40 min wanting me to carry her.  I tried shush-pat, playing the vent, rocking her (she starts crying again as soon as I lay her down), let her cry... She stays awake until just before midnight before I feed her again and let her sleep while nursing.

She now wakes up at 8, and wants to nap again shortly after 9 for 2 hours or more (by then I would wake her up). So it's like she's sleeping from midnight to 11am... should I not let her nap for 2 hours in the morning so she'll go to sleep earlier?

Also, I read that 3 months should sleep about 15 hours, 10 hours at night. If bedtime starts at 7:30, doesn't that mean we have to wake up at 5:30? I can't get the math right....

desperately need some help!!!!  Thanks!!!

 

[Nicolo12]

I'll be following responses to this post. I'm also having a hard time getting my LO to sleep before 1 or 2 am! And that's after I feed him. And he also wants lots of sleep in the morning to make up for going to sleep so late. Curious what to do as well. Good Luck!

[berna inalpolat]

I have the same problem. My twins are 12 weeks old and I never put them sleep for naps and at night. At nap times they wake up after 10 15 minutes,and I shh/pat them or rock in their bouncy seats to lengthen nap time. Also, it takes at least two hour to put them sleep at night. I breast feed them, and they wake up at least two times during the night. Night waking are OK but I dont know how to teach them to sleep on their own.

[abaker89]

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!  My 9 week old does the same thing, any sleep before midnight is a nap and she wakes usually after 20 min.  Once its midnight, then she will sleep till 7 am, eats and wants to go right back down till 11 or even noon!  Its like she is a teenager or something.  After that, the sleep is clearly naps as she will often wake after 20-40 min so those other two stretches are clearly night sleep for us.  DD1 was going to bed by 9 pm around this age and I haven't a clue how to get dd2 to do that!  The only thing we are doing is to keep trying and maybe someday it will work.  I hope someone comes along with the solution.

[lokloktang]

Hello, it's been several days and I've made good progress:

First, I broke the suck-to-sleep association by changing bedtime routime from bath-feed-sleep to feed-bath-sleep.  I still let her suck after bath but only for a few minutes. Then I added some winddown activities (rub her back, read nusery ryhme, then kiss her good night). I made sure I lay her down awake.

Second, I kept a detailed log on her waking/sleeping time and found that even though she refuses to sleep from 8-12, in total she gets 13-14 hours a sleep a day. Hence I realized I might have unrealistic expectations of forcing her to sleep at 7... so now I feed at hat 8:45, bath at 9, other bedtime routine until 9:45 then hide beside her crib and provide assistance (shush pat or play the sound of a vent) if she cannot settle herself.

I also did shush pat and httj (hold thru the jolts) for her naps and she can now nap for more than 1 hour!

Overall, her sleep situation has improved and she's much happier now. My next challenge is moving her to 4 hour EASY.

also, there is a good thread NAP/FAQ/teaching 3-5 month old to sleep (45 min nap)

good luck!

[abaker89]

That is great news, I wish we were doing as well!  So all you did was move bedtime back to 9:45 pm??  How long is she up after her last nap before bedtime?? 

We still can't seem to get our 10 wk old to bed before midnight and it is killing me!  I am just so exhausted.  Is 13-14 hours all they need at this age?  My lo is sleeping a total of 10-11 just overnight so I am wondering if that is why she can't nap very well.  She usually sleeps 7-8 hrs, eats and then back down for another 3-4 hrs.  And I know its not a nap cause for naps she won't make it past 40 min normally.

[malenka]

I had a similar problem with my LO when he was that age. At the beginning, he never went down before 2 am and then gradually it shifted to 12 and then to 9. Now, if we're lucky, he's in bed around 8. I think part of it is developmental - it takes them a while to sort out day and night.

The more sleep they get during the day, the better they get to sleep at night. With my LO, we really had to work on getting him napping better during the day. Once we got him napping, his bedtime started getting earlier and earlier.

I know this isn't much help, but I just wanted to drop off some (((hugs))) and to tell you that if you stick with the sleep training, it really does pay off. Just remember to be consistent. Good luck!

[abaker89]

Malenka, how did you go about moving it earlier?  Did you just keep trying to get your lo to bed earlier?  We keep trying and she just wakes after 20-30 min and then won't go back to sleep, sometimes for 2 hrs or more.  That is way more than her A time during the day.  I just really need her in bed earlier.  This late bedtime combined with dd1 wakeup time is killing me!  We keep trying for 10:30 and she sleeps 20-30 min and then won't go to bed till after midnight.  No idea how to fix this at all!!  Even when we make her last nap end earlier, she still won't go to bed any earlier.

[malenka]

When we first moved it forward, it happened after we were on holiday. While we were away, he spent a lot of time in the stroller as I walked around the city we were visiting - so he slept a lot. I think we managed to break the OT cycle and he was able to fall asleep a little easier in the evening because he wasn't so tired. Also, I didn't let him sleep in.

I think the sleeping in is the key. I just read in your pp that your LO likes to go back down until 11 or noon. My LO was doing the same thing. You'll have to wake her up earlier... I know, not a nice thought, but it will be worth it. So, what I suggest, is get her up when she wakes after the 7-8 hour stretch, which would be 7 or 8 am if she's going to bed at midnight. Treat that as morning, get her up, dressed, play a bit and then per her down for a nap after about 1h20 minutes of A time. Don't let her nap for

You'll have an OT baby on your hands for a day or two, but hopefully you'll manage to get a couple of good naps out of her and then she'll start to go down earlier. What we're aiming for is a 12 hour day, so if she's up at 9 am she should be down for the night at 9 pm. It might take a few days to establish this, but it will be well worth it! When she wakes up at 9, let her go back down for a nap sometime after 10, but don't let her sleep too long!

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions. Let me know how it goes.

[lokloktang]

I wake my lo up at around 9.. but still she would sleep until pass 9 am..  it's been a week since we tried this new routine or feed-bath-bed so maybe she is still adapting?  I too agree that if lo naps better she sleeps better at night. my question is, if we aim for 12 hour day. then theoretically lo sleeps for 12 hours over night.. and if we nap 1h30m x 3 naps plus cat nap, wouldn't that add up to 17 hours??

[mommyco]

My lo is almost 10 weeks and has the same problem.  No matter what we do I can't get him to sleep solidly between 7-12:00, he will go down between 7 and 8 and sleep for 40 minutes then is back up like it is a nap.  He has never slept through the 9:00 feed, I have tried to not feed him and get him back to sleep but it has only led him into hysterics.  I have only been able to df 3x in his life because he always wakes up to eat again between 10 and 11.  Usually after this feed I get him down for the night and he is ready for awake time after his 8ish feed.  I EBF and have been on EASY since he was 3 weeks old.  He is still on a 2 hour feeding schedule during the day, have been trying for weeks to extend it, sometimes successful sometimes not.  So far today we are on 2.5 hour, he is nowhere close to going 3 hours.  He would simply cry the entire hour if I didn't feed him.  So I figure he will grow out of it when he is ready.  He is happy and healthy....

Separate issue is also can't stop the 45-60 minute nap, almost wakes up to the minute after one hour.  Never sleeps in his crib longer than an hour during the day.

How many hours a day should a 10 week old be sleeping?  At night do you count when he is eating as sleep time?

[abaker89]

I have no idea where they get the 12 hr day.  My lo is 11 weeks now and we are getting two stretches overnight that total 8-9 hrs.  Naps are even worse, sometimes we get one 3 hr nap but then all the others are 30 min.  Some days we get four or five 30 min naps.  She won't go to bed at all before midnight and sometimes its 2 am.  We are exhausted and I don't see any solution.  I would say we are getting a total of maybe 12-13 hrs per 24 hr period.  That is pathetic since my 2.5 yr old sleeps 12 at night and takes an 1.5 hr nap, thus getting more sleep than my 11 week old, insanity!!!

She actually does stay up in between the 2 night stretches but she clearly thinks they are night cause otherwise the second would be 30 min.  By the time I feed her and get her back down, its usually been 75-80 min.  She is impossible to get to sleep, I guess just cause she is OT.

Nothing works to extend naps, every now and then she will let dh rock her back to sleep but never me, I guess cause she wants milk and I nurse her.

DD1 was so different, she was sleeping an 8-9 hr solid stretch and then taking a total of 4-6 hrs of nap time at this age.  DD2 is even bigger, she is over 15 lbs now so I don't see why she can't do longer stretches at night.  She was doing 5 hrs at 3 weeks so when I get 5 hrs now, it just seems ridiculous.  We even did have a few weeks where nights were 7-8 hrs, even one that was almost 9 hrs but they are gone.