Bedtime Blues 18 month old.

[kitty30]

Hi Ladies we are back.

After few very hectic weeks (4 molars popped up) things got back on track if not a little better.  Lo was sleeping 10.5-11hrs at night with a 1.5-2hrs nap in day.  This seemed to work fine and bedtimes were fairly calm affairs.  Lo would talk, sing and eventually fall asleep but in the most part happy falling asleep with little or no intervention.

Well this has changed the last two nights.  Yesterday she did not nap well so i put behaviour down to that.  Tonight was same and lo had a decent nap.

Basically evening goes well until i attempt to bring her into her bedroom.  She starts resisiting and struggling to get out of my arms.  We go straight from bath to bedroom.  The same battle happens on the changing table.  I manage to distract her by letting her rub in some cream to her belly this see me through to getting her  PJs  and bag on for bed.

She then has her bottle always calmy (never falls asleep on bottle other than very rare occassion).  When finished bottle we turn night light off say night night have a a kiss and hug and place in cot with her bunny.  Last two nights she has fought me placing her in cot.  Seems to be asking for something but what i dont know what if she is.  I leave room.  She cries.  I re-enter try and lay her down again with bunny say sleepy time but she fights the lying down and tries to grab me to pull her up.  This continues.  Tonight she eventually calmed down and started singing but was calling for Daddy all the time who works away in week.  I still had to re-enter a couple of times but she didn't fight.  Tonight it took 50mins to get her off.  So she was 30 mins beyond her planned bedtime so now probably OT.  She rarely has significant NW but will probably EW now due to OT.

I am not sure what to make of this all or what is the best approach.  Staying longer in room with her seems to work adversely.  I don't think she is scared of cot as she loves playing in there.  I know she has suddenly become very attached to Daddy in fact of late only daddy will do and i am feeling a little pushed out (people have said thats a baby girl thing !) i don't know.  Anyhow DH not here in week to help with bedtime so i need some major pearls of wisdom.

Lo does have a miserable cold and possibly is teething but her cold has been over 2 weeks now with no effect prior to this.  Her behaviour whilst teethting before at night time was completely different.  Still happy to enter cot just got upset when couldn't get comfy for sleep.

Thankyou for listening sorry its so long.
x

[babybarr]

Can you post your approx nap / bed / wake times. We may be able to see something there.

Laura x

[clazzat]

(((hugs))) I know how draining it is dealing with screaming bedtimes on your own.  Looking at your routine might help, but I also wondered about her playing in her cot - we had to stop having stories in dd1's room because she started messing around at bedtime and it occurred to me that she was getting mixed messages about her bed being somewhere to play/somewhere to sleep.  Could be totally irrelevant for you, but thought I would mention it.

[~*Nicole*~]

We've had some success with changing up our bedtime routine. Of course look at her wake/nap/bed schedule is a good idea first. But when we've had some struggles in the past I've changed her into PJs downstairs rather than in her room and let her have her milk on the couch and then gone up for a story and bed. Most people say consistency is the key but for my LO slight changes have actually helped us get through some rough times.

[kitty30]

Thanks everyone for such prompt responses.

I will post last 4 days to see if there is anything glaringly obvious:

A:7:25
S:1:00- 3:10 (woke for 10mins but re-settled)
S: 8:00       (took a while 40m to settle but minimal intervention required)

A: 7:30 (6:30 really due to clock change)
S:1:20-3:20
S: 7:50        (asleep almost immediately )

A: 7:45 (a record !!!!  Only slept 12hrs about x2 before in her entire life)
S 1:20-2:15  (sleep at creche only 55m !!  often the way
S:8:00    ***this was first night of refusal.  Had aimed for 7:00pm bed but took until 8:00 before asleep.

A: 6:40
S :1:00-2:40  (sleep at creche)
S: 8:05  ***second night of refusal.  Had aimed for bedtime of 7:30)

A:7:30
S: 1:00-2:30 (@home with grandmother.  An 1 hr 30m nap fairly common for Ava)
S: 8:00- ??    (***went in cot ok started crying as soon as i was at door.  Cried/wimpered for a couple of mins did wi/wo only x2 then decided to chat and sing for a bit asleep by 8:00.  Took 45m to settle.)

So this evening was a little less stressful as did not have complete out right refusal.  I do think we need to change routine a little and end with a story but Ava difficult to read to she just flicks through the pages doesn't let you read then wants onto next book so a little nervous about how it will go.

I really don't know if its an A time thing maybe someone else can see something. It does seem to take her a long time to settle unlike nap time.   I will definitely try and let her play less in her cot, though her refusal a night doesn't seem to involve too much playing.

Hope this helps.  My head exhausted trying to work it out !!!!

Cheers all. x

[clazzat]

How has she been with OT historically?  If it was my dd1, I would say that she got OT on the day when she slept less than 1h at creche and then it got worse, leading to bedtime refusal - we had exactly this problem.  With hindsight, I think she should have been in bed a lot earlier on that short a sleep.  However, given that we don't have a time machine , I would be aiming to get her caught up by putting her down earlier in the evening for a couple of days.  If you think that you will have trouble getting her to settle after a shorter A in the afternoon, it might be worth trying to shift her lunchtime nap up 30 mins or so, so that you can preserve the afternoon A but also get an earlier bedtime.

[~*Nicole*~]

I agree with Clare. Shorten that last A if she naps less than 1.5 hours. You said 1.5 is common for her and she didn't have problems prior to this. And the 2 hour and 2 hour+ naps both got better bedtimes so I imagine she is more rested for the last A of the day and better able to settle.

About books. My DD is Ava as well and she also did this. Flipping pages, on to the next book, etc. etc. Drug out bedtime and it argued when I said no more books and put her in bed. She'd ask to "read again" or try to get a different book. What I did was I got a bit more strict with the "rules" of storytime. We only do 1 book. When it's done it's done. I say, the end, all done book, time for bed. She goes in. The first few times I was more strict she cried and I had to go back in and resettle etc. but then she caught on that mommy wasn't playing and we got our one story and that was it. Also when she played around and tried to "read" herself or flip pages, or try to grab other books I'd tell her to let mommy read or no story and straight to bed. Then I followed through. If she played around too much I'd tell her something like "No story then. Bedtime." and put her right into bed without finishing a story. Every night now she picks one book, we get through the whole thing and she goes to bed without a fight. I realized I was being too laid back and letting her get away with manipulating me in order to stall going to bed, ykwim?

[katie80]

The routine advice looks good and hopefully that will do the trick.  I just wanted to reaffirm Nicole's post and add a little bit.  We've also had some drama with bedtime books with DD (18 mo).  We have always had the same bedtime routine, but I found as she got older and realized she had a bit more 'say' in what we do, she started asking for more and more books or more and more of the same story.  I did basically the same as Nicole and it took several days, but now she now knows the routine and doesn't fight it.

Also, my DH travels for work and is often gone a few nights a week.  A couple weeks ago, she started fighting bedtime as well (partly due to the time change I think, but it continued).  Along with being very consistent with bedtime stories/songs, we've found that if we talk about the day a little bit with her as we're getting ready for bed, it has helped.  She just understands more and more each day, and I think she needs some assistance processing what has happened today and sometimes what will happen tomorrow.

This may not apply to your situation, but it did really help DD settle quicker again, so I thought I'd add it if you continue to get some resistance. 

[clazzat]

Along with being very consistent with bedtime stories/songs, we've found that if we talk about the day a little bit with her as we're getting ready for bed, it has helped.

That made a big difference for us as well - I found that she wasn't really settling because there was too much going on in her head and she wanted to tell me all about it.  So making time during the routine for her to get everything out meant that she was more calm for bedtime.

[kitty30]

Cheers girls definitely great advice.  OT i think did creep in but with work i physically cannot get an earlier bedtime than 7.  So i guess i will just have to live with the consequences.

Now that we are at long weekend am going to try and change things around a bit and brave the books !  Will certainly have to get the boundaries right.  I love the idea about incorporating a chat about the day maybe when getting changed into PJs.  AVa had great nap today and fell asleep at end of bottle-  not ideal i know but she was asleep by 7:20 so hopefully will be refreshed tomorow.  I am going to enjoy the peace and a long evening !!

I will probably be back for more help and updates.  Once again thanks.

[Kay Dee]

Hiya, is 8pm her usual bedtime? One thing that jumps out at me from the days you posted is that shes fallen asleep at 8pm every evening, the refusal happened on the days you tried to put her down earlier. Maybe her bodyclock is used to the 8pm bedtime and that's what she needs, even with the shorter naps?

Just a thought!

[~*Nicole*~]

OOOH I hadn't realized that either. That 8pm might be her "magic number" LOL

[Kay Dee]

she was asleep by 7:20 so hopefully will be refreshed tomorow

There goes my theory!!