Okay.
Let's make a deal? You don't want her to sleep in your bed forever, right? But she's in your room, so she's still got you close by?
Tell me when you're ready, and we draw the line. No more sleeping in your bed - she sleeps in her cot. End of.
So, you are there and you reassure but don't intervene - let her make the decision to lie down or stand up, to sleep or to cry. You stay with her, say only your key sleep phrases and try to say them a few mintues between each at most. So you set the example, it's quiet, it's calm, and this is how we sleep. Sleep on the floor close to her first or pull the bed & cot right next to eachother.
But there is one very simple key thing. You don't give in. She sleeps in her cot.
I know she's spirited. And she knows her own mind. That's not a bad thing
With DS, things really turned around for us when I realised that he was going to make his own decisions. I can influence the decision - put him in his bed, in his pjs, nighttime music, calm & quiet, I lie down and go to sleep next to him. But whether he laid down or not, slept or not - I couldn't make that decision for him. I could influence it. I could help set the scene and lead him to make the choice (stand in cot or lie down to sleep - after 40mins of standing, lying down seems more logical to them!).
If I had taken him out of the cot after 20mins or 40 (the first night) - it would have only made it harder.
I think with Aniela (and I could be wrong), but she knows her own mind and she is clear on what she wants. She slept merrily in her cot at times you were sure she wouldn't - she's independent. Give her the opportunity and give yourself the chance to start healing you.
Here to work with you on it when you are ready. But it has to be a line drawn - from that day, she sleeps in the place you put her. Same room as you or not - her bed, your bed. And trust me; those cuddly sleeps together will still happen by chance and they are all the more lovely when you're both rested!
Big hugs honey
Stop beating yourself up and see your good