FTM going crazy!!! :(

[oc_1980]

Hi Everyone! My name is Kristy and I'm a FTM. Although I had baby experience taking care of my nieces and nephews, it still did not fully prepare me for the 24-7 job of motherhood. MY DS is 3 1/2 months old and I wish I had learned about BW while I was pregnant. From the beginning he had difficulty sleeping and I did a lot of AP! During the day he would be on an EASY schedule (even before I knew what it was!) but before BT, I would nurse him until he passed out. We have been implementing the BW EASY for the past three wks. He has been falling asleep in his crib but after a lot of ssh/patting depending on how tired he is. He sometimes can take 2 hr naps but typically can take between a 45min to 90min nap. During the day he is up for close to 2 hrs (or until the yawning starts) and then goes down. I extended the awake time to see if that would lengthen his naps, which it has. At night, we try to get him down no later than 8, then DF between 10:30 & 11, but then he wakes at 2, 4, and 6! I do BF throughout the day, but I've been trying to give him a little formula & finish with breastmilk at the DF in hopes that it would let him sleep longer. There are some nights that I can get him to go back to sleep after a diaper change and ssh/pat, but sometimes he starts crying uncontrollably and doesn't settle until he has the boob!

I have read several posts on NWs and there are several recommendations that OT may cause it. So tonight I got him to sleep at 7:20 (after 20mins of crying because I used pu/pd instead of the usual sshh/pat because I noticed that he was NEEDING the sshh/pat to get to sleep- i did do a little sshh/pat but stopped as soon as he calmed down and just rested my hands on him).

I guess my questions are on the process of getting him to learn how to fall asleep on his own and then how to rid of the NWs (which are making going to work a real battle!). I'm open to any and all suggestions! I know we have made a lot of progress, but I feel that maybe I'm not doings things right which is not allowing him to get all the sleep he needs. PLS HELP

[oc_1980]

Here is additional info...

1. How old is your child? 3 1/2 months

2. What’s his/her daily routine?
So usually...
Up at 6am
E 6:30am
S 8-9:45ish (sometimes until 10 & sometimes he wakes up at the 45 min mark and we help him back to sleep)
E 10:30
S 12-2
E 2:30
S 4-5:30
E 6:15
A: is bath, massage, jammies, swaddle, then placed in crib
S: between 8 & 8:30
DF: between 10:30 & 11 (although he wakes up for it now)
NW: at 2 & 4

3. What’s nap routine? Yes, we do a pre-wind dwn of a quiet stroll around the house then into the nursery turn on white noise (sound of rain), close blinds, change dipaer, swaddle, hold for less then 5 min, then placed in crib

4. How long are naps? With the longer awake time he now can go pass the 45 mark, so typically between an hr or 2. But he wakes up sometimes and we ssh/pat til he falls back asleep.

5. What's bedtime routine? Time? Yes, bath, massage, jammies, swaddle, then placed in crib. We were starting it at 7, but will be starting it right after the 6pm feed.

6. Do you bottle or breastfed?? How much? or how long? Bottle during the day with breastmilk, breast when I get home. He usually eats between 4-5oz and downs in it 5min with dad. On the breast he usually takes 10-15min

7 If breastfed.. one side or both?? (at each feed) one side per feeding

8. How many wakes per night? usually two at 2am & 4am (but last night it was very hour after DF

9. What’s your LO like when waking at night? How long is he/she up?  He is usually up for 20-40min. The 2am is usually a diaper change (in the crib), re-swaddle if needed, and then ssh-pat. 4am takes longer takes him longer to settle, sometimes I have to put him at breast for him to settle.

10. When you go to him/her is she fussing or crying? Or is it a mantra cry? I wait it out as long as possible until the pitch changes and he starts to cry.

11. What have you tried to settle?? um, not sure what this means...

12. What do you do for A time and how long is it? We usually have him play under the gymie for 10 max 15 min (and this is usually during the morning A time), he sits in his bouncy chair and watches us in the kitchen, or he have him laying down and hold a toy over him. A time was 90min now closer to 2 hrs with the last 10-15min being a pre-wind down for nap.

13. Are there developmental issues such as teething or milestones? No, not that I'm aware of.

14. Have you introduced cereal? Why, how much, and how many times a day? (for LO’s under 6 months) no

15. Do they have a prop? If so what is it? I think it is the sshh/pat. We have constant sounds of rain as white noise beucase our condo is small and you can hear everything in his room.

16. Do they have a lovie? No but he likes to bury his face usually in a small blanket, I think to block out the light. I make sure to check he has enough room to breath. He sleeps on his side and wakes up on his back.


Please let me know if you need more info!!

[LisaU]

I'm afraid I don't have any advice as I've only been on BW a short while and would hate to give out wrong advice and make the situation worse but I'll offer biig hugs as you must be exhausted by it all.  Have you had a look at the FAQs at the top of this forum and go onto the gentle removal thread if you scroll down there is a bit where it says helping babies to fall asleep ontheir own it might give you some pointers inthe right direction

[oc_1980]

Hi Jane,

Thank you so much for your suggestions! We actually have been putting him to bed earlier these past two nights, at 7 he is in the crib and by 7:20ish he is out. We swaddle him and then lay him down awake. If he isn't fussing then we say good night and leave the room- which ends in him crying about 10-15min later. So no he still needs help (ssh/pat) to go to sleep as well as settling himself when he wakes up. I guess this is the area that I feel I need the most help with- learning how to help him fall asleep on his own. Also after night feedings sometimes he wakes up after I lay him down. He sometimes is not fussing, just babbling and sucking on his hand. How long to I wait before going in and helping him fall asleep? Do I wait until the cry?

Last night I did the DF at around 10. Gave him 5oz of formula plus breast. He woke up at around 11:30 and at 12:30 I still heard him babbling!! I went it and he had a huge wet diaper, changed him and ssh/pat til he fell asleep. Then he didn't wake again til 4:30 which is great! I fed him, got him down around 5:30 and then he woke at 6:30. Changed him and then he slept til 8.

I feel that I am enabling his dependency on the ssh/pat, but I feel that if I leave him in there babbling he will be up forever (which I know isn't true) and that will impact the rest of his night and next day. Pls help!

One last question, should I change his diaper at the DF if its full or let it be? He's been waking up anyways during the DF.

Thank you!
Kristy

[oc_1980]

Hi Jane, thank you. That encouragement helps a lot, esp when hearing that other LOs at his age are STTN. I know I shouldn't compare, but its hard not to and feel that I am not doing something right- which my logical and rational mind knows.

I agree in starting the winddown at 6:45pm. Yesterday my MIL took care of him and I came home at 7:30 to find her talking to him in his bouncy seat!! I was livid to say the least!! She said that she tried at 7 but that he didn't want to sleep!! I couldn't believe it! So the poor little guy had to scream himself to sleep for 20 minutes!! I was a wreck! It had been a long time since he had cried that hard and it was emotionally hard on me esp after a long day at work. Luckily it only took 20 min and alot of pu/pd and sshh/pat.

I feed him 6oz at 10, he woke at 2 with a full diappy and started crying so I instinctively put him at breast and within 10minutes he was out. I guess he missed me! He then awoke at again 4:45 hungry, down at 5:30am and then up at 8. My DH reports that he is doing good today.

Is there more or something else that I can be doing to support him falling asleep on his own?

Thank you!
Kristy

[bug_blues70]

Hi Kristy!!

Sounds to me like you are definitely on the right track!! I don't think you should worry about sh/pat becoming a prop. The whole point of sh/pat is to help your LO learn to sleep independently... it is a tool that you are using, not the same thing as a prop. He may still need some help right now, but that's ok, think how little he is!! The things you don't want to have to do are rock him, feed him, or carry him til he's asleep, because these things do not teach him to sleep on his own... you'll have to do these forever. Eventually, he won't need sh/pat anymore b/c it's something you do in his crib and he's doing the sleeping on his own.

I don't sh/pat Ellen (my LO) when she wakes at night and is babbling b/c it just makes her think it's playtime. If it had helped her though, I would have done it and IMO you should do it for your LO if it helps him fall back to sleep faster and not be awake for an hour or two.

And with the diapers, I haven't changed Ellen's diapers at night since she stopped pooing a tiny bit in every single one at about 6 weeks old. I just lather her up really good with really good cream (desitin is best IMO) and let her go all night. In the morning, sometimes her diaper is full to the brim, but it never seems to bother her nor does it give her rash. The only reason I'd ever start changing her at night is if she'd leak if I didn't. And even then, I'd try different diapers/different sizes before I started changing her at night.

Oh and BTW, I was feeding Ellen usually 2, sometimes 3, times at night at that age. I didn't do a dreamfeed though, I just fed her when she woke.

[oc_1980]

HI Bugs, Thanks for the encouragement! I try not to stress about the whole thing, but its hard not to when you just want to do the best for the LO. Thank you for sharing your experience. I have tried not changing his daippy and just getting him to fall asleep, but then he wakes an hour later. Case in point last night (or should I say early this morning) he awoke at 2 and would wake up almost exactly an hour after I had gotten him to sleep for the next 3 hours!Tough on mommy!

I've been giving him formula at the DF for the past wk and some nights he does sleep longer and others he doesn't. Gonna try breastmilk for the next wk and see how he does. If its the same gonna take him off the formula. I (and DH) feel a bit guilty for giving him the formula, but I know it makes it harder for me to be a good mommy (plus be attentive at work) if I don't get somet type of sleep.

Saw you have a LO and one on the way!! Congrats! We are thinking of possibly starting to try for the next one sometime soon. How is it being pregnant with a LO?

Best wishes,
Kristy

[oc_1980]

HI Jane, well last night we skipped the late afternoon catnap and my husband got him to fall asleep by 6:30pm! He had 2 wake ups before 12 but then at 2 his was up about every hour! I can't believe it! I know it's sometimes 2 steps forward and 1 or 2 back, but gosh its hard esp when I have to go to work.

I actually have been doing what you suggested and slowing down/stopping the patting earlier and that works sometimes or maybe I just stop too early and he comes back to consciousness.

Thank you for your suggestions and support, it really helps!

Best wishes,
 Kristy

[bug_blues70]

Saw you have a LO and one on the way!! Congrats! We are thinking of possibly starting to try for the next one sometime soon. How is it being pregnant with a LO?

Well, I don't have a lot of morning sickness, so it's not too bad. I do get tired during the day but the good thing about having such a young LO is she is still taking 3 naps a day rather than just one like she would be if she were a toddler. I am really looking forward to having two so close together... when they get older. I know it will be hard work at first (it would be even with bigger spacing) but it will be so worth it IMO. However, if you feel guilty giving your LO one bottle of formula per day, you may want to seriously consider waiting until he is a bit older and doesn't rely on breast milk as his main source of nutrition. My supply dropped drastically as soon as I got pregnant and has continued to decline since then. I still pump so I can give her as much as I can, but it takes me at least 2-3 days to get one six ounce bottle. It was a hard pill to swallow as I had no idea that would happen... everyone talks about bf and being pg at the same time like it's no problem, but usually they are talking about breastfeeding a toddler who doesn't get their main nutrition from breast milk and doesn't need formula supplement if supply drops.

But if you decide to TTC anyway, good luck!! IMO it will be so much fun to have two so close together! If you do get pregnant, join our thread: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=176081.0