How not to handle a poor sleeper

[mummypig]

I've not posted in a while until today, but hearing from my little sister in the UK (I live in Oz) this weekend has prompted me to post!

My little sis is a single mum of 26 who lives at home with our parents.  She has 2 little boys of 31 and 22 months respectively.  Not knowing any better, she has made several errors that have resulted in a minor problem escalating into an utter disaster!

1) Her 31 month old started getting out of his bed early (4am ish) and climbing in beside her when he was approx 18 months old.  She never made him go back to bed.  Now he goes downstairs during the night and climbs in beside my mum and dad, and they don't put him back in bed either.

2) Next he dropped one nap, but they kept his bedtime the same.  He got OT, but they didn't recognise this and just put him to bed whenever.  Now he is so hyper that he is rarely asleep before 10pm at night and they have to physically restrain him on their laps to get him to sleep.  If he feels himself nodding off, he starts wriggling and fighting to get down.

3) Because he was overtired, he started to wake early too.  Now, because he climbs into my mums bed, she is up at around 5-5.30am every day.  They gave up trying to make him go back to bed.

4) In a misguided attempt at getting him to go to bed at a decent time and not wake so early, they decided to stop his naps completely, forcing him to stay awake and escalating the entire situation.

They have no bedtime routine either.

I have sent her a copy of Ferber's "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" so that she could get some understanding of how children sleep and explained to her that she needs to tackle one issue at a time.

I think in this case, getting him to actually go to bed at a decent time is the first thing that needs addressing.  I recommended that she start a proper bedtime routine, stick to it and that she immediately bring his bedtime forward to 7pm.  I told her that you would normally bring it forward a little at a time, but in this case she needed to be more strict straight away.  I've told her to stay nearby whilst he tries to settle and go in with some encouraging words if he is still screaming the place down after 10 mins, and to take him back if he gets out.

Making it clear that this will be very hard but that she needs to stick to it, I've told her it could take a few weeks before it gets better, but to stick with it.

Once he's going to bed at a decent time, I've suggested she work on getting him to stay in his own bed overnight (putting him back if he gets out even if it means getting up to do it; trying the alarm clock and lights on a timer tricks for early wakers and reward charts); then trying to reintroduce naps if he still seems to need them.  I don't think that the last will be possible, but if he needs more sleep than he can get at night, then it would be worth a try.

Having said that, my dd1 won't nap!!

Any other advice I could give her would be appreciated

[LizzieN]

Hey sweetie,
I don't think I would be doing any form of CIO with him...my son gets so SO upset being left to cry that it turns hysterical very very quickly.  I would more like do walk in walk out with lots of verbal encouragement and probably initially would stay in the room with him most of the time (unless I was losing my patience).  I just think that at this age they are so emotional when things get changed from their norm, you don't want to lose his trust at the beginning.

I would definitely insist on "quiet time" during the day if not a nap.  I would insist he stay in bed, but could look at a book or something if he did not feel like he wanted to sleep.  We all need some down time.

With the getting into bed, put him back EVERY SINGLE TIME, no exceptions.  If he gets sick, parents go to his room and stay in there, not the other way around....no one wants their 13 year old still sleeping in bed with them.  Having said this some kids just decide they dont' want to be there anymore, but it's a real personality thing and your sisters LO doesn't sound like he has that sort of personality

Mostly I would just be encouraging.  Get her to write out a plan, so first thing to tackle is quiet time during the day and early bed time, get that OT cycle broken.  Then once that is a lot better then I would start dealing with the night wandering and once all that is done if the EWs are still happening I would tackle that. (I think)

Best of luck to your sister (and to you with your DD not napping)
hugs
xxLizzie