Desperately Overtired, Me AND Baby please help!

[bensmuma]

My Lo is 15 wks old (but was born 6 weeks early, so her corrected age is 8wks). She's exclusively BF except when I'm at work where she gets 3 bottles. I'm so OT right now I feel like I haven't slept well since before I got pregnant! I also have a 2.5 yr old boy. I went with the flow of things for the first 3 months pretty well, watch for patterns to emerge ect. Now I've tried somewhat to establish a routine, especially at bedtime. She's just not having it or more likely I'm misreading her cues?? She's not napping well if at all and the bigger problem (for me) is that she's still up every 2-3 hours in the middle of hte night! Some feeds are short, others are sloppy and I just can't do it anymore. I'm in tears several times a day because I feel like it's all out of control. I think maybe during the day she's not eating enough?? MY MIL is giving her 3.5 oz bottles. I've asked her to give her 4oz bottles today to see if that helps. Is it hunger affecting the napping?? Also she has a bit of reflux which is pretty well controlled but evenings are a bit of a bugger. I only feed on one side per feed. Should I be offering both sides now?? I'm so confused and can't pull it together. I BW my first and it was awesome, still is! I just need some super guideance because I can't think straight right now. And being back to work isn't helping at all!! Any help woul dbe GREATLY appreciated!

[newmummy82]

You must be so exhausted, big hugs and well done for still breast feeding. I'm not much further down the line than you but perhaps if you post what your day looks like with feed times etc someone here can offer wise words! Plus I find it really helps to look at it all on paper IYKWIM?

We were just going to both sides at your stage (but DD was full term). What birth weight and current weight is your LO?
Is she on meds for reflux? Does she have a paci?

You are doing amazingly to be working and have a 2.5yr old as well!! Am so impressed!

remember to take care of yourself and at least eat well if you don't get much time to do anything else.

[bensmuma]

Here' s something like what her day looks like....remember I haven't been strict about the EASY yet so I've posted what has been typically happening. Naps are short or non existant some days too.

wakes 7-8ish BF
Try to get her to eat q3hrs throughout the day sometimes it's a little less
Cluster feed @ 5 and 7pm if it works out
1130pm she wakes/eats
230
530
630 During these night times, it varies from 1.5-3hrs feeding. If it's 1.5 I try not to feed but then she wakes up within an hour crying anyway
The day starts again....

Her tolerance for awake time is only about an hour to an hour and 15min.
Her birth weight at 33wks was 4.4lbs and is now almost 12lbs.
She is on Axid for reflux
And does have a paci...at times. It's the bain of my existance! I've been trying to only give it to her to get her into the first stage of asleep but as soon as I put her in her crib she wakes and won't settle without it. I've refused to give it to her to stay asleep because it continuously falls out and she cries. She NEVER has the paci at night, only until she's asleep and never again unless I'm refusing to feed her at 1.5hrs after her last feed and she won't settle.

I'm so confused about wether or not to treat her like a 3.5 month old or a 7wk old. With her weight now i'm thinking a 3.5month old but just don't know. I have a feeling she's not eating anough during the day?? I work at my office and pump 3 days a week and work from home 2 days. My DH is pretty much clueless at this and he can't help if I don't even know what I'm doing right now which makes things even worse. And of course he works evening shift 3 nights a week 

Thanks for the kind words...I'm trying really hard to keep BFing I gave up at 3 months with my son but am committed with my daughter. I just have to figure this all out, I'm falling apart at the seams. Thanks for the support, i knew I could come here for it 

[anna*]

(((((hugs)))))
They do say for BW to work from the corrected age - and given that as 7 weeks, it would still be TOTALLY normal for her to be taking several feeds overnight

So what is happening with these naps? As you know, if she's not sleeping well in the daytime it's going to have a negative impact on the night sleep too. Does she have a consistent wind-down routine? Swaddled? I would start the wind-down when she's been awake for about an hour, and start shush-pat with a view to having her asleep at around the 1hr15 mark.

Personally, I would give the paci any time it helps her to sleep. At this point, you all just need to sleep, and she needs to sleep in the daytime, and if the paci hepls with that then that is great! You can deal with weaning it later.

[bensmuma]

I am perfectly fine with a few night wakings still but not every 2-3 hours 24/7. I fully expected to have an extended 'infancy' because of the prematurity but I think something else is at play...probably my lack of routine with her at this point.

You know I'd be all about the paci if I didn't have to go back in 50 times to keep her asleep. It just makes me aggravated as well as overtired. I think it's more than comforting her a this point, I think it's a prop during naps.

She's not swaddled at all, maybe I'll give that a try and see. I've been better lately about a more consistant wind down to naps but once she's alseep in my arms and I put her in the crib, she wakes Also doesn't shh/pat work only when they're on their belly? Should I be putting her down awake at this point? On her belly or back?

My ideal 3 hr EASY would start at 8am because my son gets up and goes down @7 and without my husband around i just can't do both routines at the same time. But what if she wakes to eat at 6 or 7 am? How do I begin EASY? I swear I've read the book a million times and did it with my son but we were bottle feeding then and I didn't have another child to look after!

And should I offer both breasts now?

And of course my MIL looks after her while I'm at work, so lord knows if she's doing what I ask!

So many questions, thanks for your input, I'm ope to anyone's at this point!

[anna*]

I agree with you that the lack of daytime sleep is probably feeding into the multiple night wakings. If you believe the paci is a prop, you need to either go with it and replug as much as is necessary, or get rid of it entirely. Using it some of the time but not at other times may just be confusing and frustrating for her.

With the wind-down, you need to try and put her down when she is calm/drowsy but awake. If she falls asleep in your arms, she will expect to still feel your arms around her when she enters light sleep, and if she doesn't, then she'll wake up. That's why the emphasis on falling asleep in the cot.

Shush-pat works whether she sleeps on her side, front or back. If she sleeps best on her back, you can pat her shoulder or hip, or just shush with a firm hand on her tummy. With my LO, I would put rolled up blankets in front and behind him to hold him on his side, and pat his back in this position (he was also tightly swaddled). Then when he was sound asleep I could remove the blanket at his back and gently roll him onto his back - although more often, for naps I would just leave him lying on his side as he slept better that way. The official advice is to put babies to sleep on their backs, but many mamas find their babies sleep much better on their bellies - it is your call to make. If you swaddle, obviously she should not be on her belly. If she sleeps on her belly, that will tend to do the same job as the swaddle by controlling the flailing arms and legs somewhat.

EASY as you know is a routine and not a schedule. If she wakes up at 6 or 7am, you can feed at that time and see if she will settle back to sleep (treat the feed as a night feed ie in the dark and quiet, no diaper change), and then offer a small top up feed at wake up time - but if she won't then you just have to start the day's EASY from her wake up time, and adjust nap times and bedtime accordingly. There are so many mums who wish their EASY would start at 8am, but in the end we have to work with what our babies give us!

By all means you can offer both breasts - she will soon let you know whether or not she wants the second!

[bensmuma]

So you won't believe it! Well, you probably will but i started swaddling yesterday after the first failed nap attempt and guess what?? Yep, she's a sleeper!!!! Wahoo!! I've actually had to wake her from several naps since then if you can believe it! Maybe it's a fluke but I'll take it as long as I can get it!

Now, last night I didn't swaddle for bed and our evening went like this:

530 Eat
730 Eat/sleep ...wasn't ideal but naps went over/late
1130 wake
0220 wake
0440 wake
0600 wake
0800 wake for the day

Lots of wakes I know, I think she doesn't eat well at some of her feeds so wakes hungry again. I have fed at each one because she woke sucking her fingers. Tonight I'm going to swaddle to see what happens, but here's my question....

"Do I keep her swaddled even through feeds??"

Thanks!

[newmummy82]

I did at night once we had the Miracle blanket swaddle. Before that she would wiggle out of swaddle when she woke so I jst redid it after feed. Once she was in a better swaddle, I kept her in it and just redid it before putting her back in if it had loosened. My DD is part-baby part-kitten and I was in the mornings by chest and neck looked like I had been through a thorn bush so swaddle REALLY helped us!!
It doesn't hamper feeding and keeps them more in the sleep-zone I think.

Good luck tonight!

Ruth

[anna*]

Yes, keep swaddled through night feeds. Remember the rule for night feeds is, as little disturbance as possible. That is excellent news!!!

[bensmuma]

Thanks Anna! I'll let you know how it goes!!

[bensmuma]

So here's the update...night before last we swaddled for the first time and.....no difference! She still woke @ 1130, 0230, 0445 and 0600! Ugh! Yesterday my dh was home alone with the 2 kids for the first time and her naps were a nightmare. He said he swaddled her but the 45 min nap monster took over. So essentially her eating times came right before naps too. Also he said she didn't eat as much from the bottle as she usually has. But last night I didn't swaddle and was prepared for a million wake ups but guess what? She only woke at 1230 and 0630 this morning! I had clustered her feeds last night at 6 and 8 so maybe? I'm sure it was flukey but woot woot! Unfortunately my toddler had a million wake ups and we ended up taking him into our bed with a tummy ache so I didn't exactly get superb sleep...but I'm feeling good! Of course my boobs were enormous this morning! But they will adjust won't they once she start sleeping longer periods?