Author Topic: Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??  (Read 942 times)

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Offline beckles

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Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??
« on: September 17, 2010, 22:37:04 pm »
Ds is 19mths and screams blue murder every time he goes to bed.

I guess if I look back at it, it probably started when DS was about 10mths old.  He had a really rough time with teething and illness so for sanity sakes gave him a dummy.  He had this for about a month but then it started causing more problems than it was worth so removed it cold turkey, and to be honest he wasn’t that phased by it.  He would cry when I put him to bed then, and I just settled him with sh/pat and it seemed to work for the most part.

Then he had another stint of screaming when he started at daycare (at 12mths), and I figured out it was because they stayed in with them until they were asleep.  Daycare have now stopped doing this but the screaming continues and it seems to be getting worse.

I started doing WI/WO but that seemed to make it worse, so I now stand at the door where he can’t see me but talk to him until he is quiet. I have been very committed to this for over a month now and it doesn’t seem to be making much difference. If I stay anywhere he can see me he is hysterical and it takes 5 times longer to settle him.

He only cries for a minute or 2 then calms down and I can leave. He will then either go straight to sleep or chat to himself. Either way it is heart breaking and I am over it.  I have also just found out I am preggie with #2 so we will have to move into a big bed soon and want this to be resolved before we do that.

They say at daycare he doesn’t cry, and that he is one of their better sleepers (I never thought I would ever hear that).  And he also doesn’t do as badly with DH, it is one pathetic yelp and then slience. And he definitely doesn’t do it with my mum when she looks after him.

I don’t think he is scare of his room, as he loves going in there and will play happily in his cot for ages when he wakes up and generally wakes up happy. I have put a nightlight in there to see if that helped and can’t say it has made much of a difference either,

I am  pretty sure it isn’t a  routine thing as it has been going on way too long for that and if he is UT he will just chat for a while once he has clamed down.

I always make sure he has a long wind-down for both bed and naps and haven’t really changed what we do. We have a rather strict bedtime routine for both naps and nighttime.

He has a teddy which goes to bed with him, and he is very attached to his teddy and will always take it to bed with him, even if we forget to remind him, he will go find teddy

It isn’t a mantra cry as it is very much a protest/mummy’s leaving me cry/scream. SO it is a protest/separation thing-I think.

But how do I handle it??  It has gone on so long that I am stuck on what to do.  There are no props to wean him off, and I can’t see that any APOP’ing will help me, cause there is nothing that really assists him in going to sleep (ie: rocking, feeding etc)

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can try next??  I just feel like we are so on the edge of it being CIO and I don’t want to go there.  It is literally only 30 seocnds-1 min (a bit longer if he is OT) but it isn’t a nice space for him to be in right before bed time.

Any advice would be great

Offline *Becky*

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Re: Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2010, 05:53:12 am »
Hugs,
We have been through phases of this and it is horrid.
I would like to see the routine if that is ok although I agree it does not sound like a routine issue.
So, he only really does it with you?
What is your bedtime routine? it might be worth changing it a little. Sometimes this helps.
Does he do it when you put him down for naps as well?
Becky x




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Offline beckles

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Re: Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2010, 08:45:56 am »
It has been a LONG phase, and I should have addressed it earlier than now.

Yes it is both for naps and bedtime.  When it started becuase of daycare it originally only happened at nap times, but then after about a month it started at bedtime too.

Our day goes

7ish wake
12.30ish nap (will nap for anywhere for 1.5-2 hrs)
7-7.30 bed.

In saying that the last few weeks we have been having EW'ings, but i think it is because he has been unwell with chicken pox and i suspect there is some form of teething issues too as he still hasn't got his canines yet. But this screaming started long before that.

So at the mo it is looking more like

6ish wake
1145-12ish nap generally for 2 hrs
7bed

It is mainly with me. He does it with my sister too who is often is here putting him to bed. He occasionally does it with DH but if he does it is no where near as bad and it is pretty pathetic. Doesn't do it at daycare or with my mum.

nap time routine, is lunch, followed by nappy change, story bed.
Bedtime routine is bath (bout 6pm), quiet play, stories, milk, teeth, then bed.

I read his stories in his room which is away from the main living room so it is nice and quiet. And this is also where he has his night milk too.

Hopefully this had shed some more light cause I am stumped???

Offline *Becky*

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Re: Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2010, 09:49:31 am »
the routine looks pretty good to me tbh. My lo needed 5.5 A time after a 2 hour nap at that age so maybe something to bear in mind but apart from that it looks good.
If he is really only doing it with you then it is more than likely SA for you and teething can make this much worse. Just to bear in mind, our canines took 4 months from start to finish so it is possible that this is teeth related. If you suspect there may be some pain there then I would give meds so you know for sure that this is not an issue.
Consistency is the best plan especially with a toddler! What I do with ds when he is upset is leave the room and ssh from outside. I also find WIWO can make him very wound up but I do leave the room. Is this something you could try?
bx




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Offline beckles

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Re: Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2010, 20:08:43 pm »
4 months for canines??? That seems like an eternity!! You poor thing!!!

I am currently susshing from outside his room, cause like your LO DS just looses the plot if I stay in the room.

I am going to talk todaycare again on wednesday just to check that they are still not staying in the room with him, but i am pretty sure that they aren't.  It could just be as simple as it being because he has other kiddies in the room with him.

I have tried giving him meds before bed and it doens't really help but then I think that the screaming has also become habbit now aswell.

I just feel bad cause after spending his whole life working so hard to prevent CIO it feels like that is what I am doing, and i am only standing at his door for my benefit cause i don't really know if he is even hearing me cause he is so loud and there is only so loud you can be with a shh and a clam sleep phrase.

Offline beckles

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Re: Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2010, 20:09:50 pm »
Oh the upside I strectched him out to a 5.5hr A time before bed last night and he didn't wake till 7!!! And a 11.5hr night!!!

Offline *Becky*

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Re: Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2010, 06:13:01 am »
Oh the upside I strectched him out to a 5.5hr A time before bed last night and he didn't wake till 7!!! And a 11.5hr night!!!
Great! Did you still have the crying before bedtime?




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Offline beckles

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Re: Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2010, 08:29:05 am »
Yeah we did have the crying/scremaing, but he settled a bit quicker than normal so that is something!!!1

We will see how the tomorrow morning goes, cause he had a short nap today but still did 5.15hrs A time before bed cause we were out. Still screamed though!!

Offline *Becky*

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Re: Screaming at bedtime?? What else can I try??
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2010, 11:33:04 am »
My lo always screamed/cried when he was UT for sleep, particularly with naps.




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