22 mo sudden bedtime resistance and 2-3 hr nw's...we're exhausted & desperate!!

[debandbrian]

So we were doing great and kicked ew's (twice actually, had to do it again after the time change ) and were going on a good routine for a few weeks, then all of a sudden started having serious bedtime resistance - anywhere from 15m to an hour of whimpering/crying/needing to be shushed, and horrible nw's, for the past week.  Dh deals with most of those as he is much more patient with it than I am, we try to let him work  it out on our own but no luck yet.  Our gut instinct is separation anxiety - he'll lie quietly in the crib if you sit on the chair beside or in the doorway and shush or say something to him. The first few nights the nw started between 2 & 3 am and usually goes 1-3 hrs, but thurs night it was midnight and fri night it was 10:30 then last night it was 3am again.  We have tried adjusting temperature in his room to warmer, teething meds, earlier bedtime, later bedtime...nothing is working. Poor dh is so tired and then last night I was unable to go back to sleep too so we are both working on a 3:30 wakeup for ourselves.

His daily routine when things were going well was
6-ish wake
12:30 - 2:30 nap (we don't have any control over this as it's the daycare's times...on weekends we tend to do more like noon and he'll often sleep 2.5 hrs...yesterday he slept over 3 hrs and we let him do it as several days this week he's had a 8-10 hr night so we figured he needed it)
7pm bedtime

This morning he's exhausted and I think we'll be lucky to make it to 11am before the nap.
Any advice would be much, much appreciated!!!!!!!!

Thanks!
Deb

[~inbalance~]

So if you have tried meds I'm assuming he is teething then?  Teething always caused major problems for DS1, even with meds.  So that could be part of it.

Also, I wouldn't let him nap that long, even if he does have short nights, because he's just making up for it during the day.  I think 2hrs max should be good for a nap, definitely not more.  Hopefully you can talk to daycare about making this happen.

We've had similar problems around that age and I could never really put my finger on what was going on.  Things did improve initally after DS1 finished getting all his teeth, then they got back again right around 2 years old.  We spent awhile adjusting his bedtime routine, giving him more time to wind down after his bath, and spending more time with him in his room.  At first it was hard, he wouldn't let us leave at bedtime and would wake in the middle of the night and just wouldn't go back to sleep.  DH ended up sleeping in his room every night after he woke, which obviously we didn't want either but we were just so tired and had DS2 to deal with as well. 

What does your evening bedtime routine look like?  I think the bedtime routine is very important especially at this age.  Also, since your LO is in daycare I wonder if he is feeling like he is missing out on mommy and daddy time, so is trying to make up for it at night.  I know for us, evenings became so hectic.  Even though I am home with the kids during the day, I think DS was missing daddy, and when we were rushing through dinner and bath to get them into bed he started to feel overwhelmed.  So we changed things to make sure he gets more daddy time in the evenings and it seemed to make a difference.

Anyways, at bedtime I would stay in his room and comfort and talk to him until he felt comfortable again, and the phase seemed to pass on it's own.

We also decided to move to a BBB at this age too.  I know it's really early for some people, but in our case it actually helped as I think DS felt more comfortable in a bed rather than his crib.  We actually started by just putting his crib mattress on the floor for a few weeks, then when he seemed to do ok with that we got him a bed.

Well, that was a really long post that offered very little advice!  lol  Guess just wanted to say we have been there too and lived to tell the tale.  (((hugs)))

[Mum-of-Two]

Hi there, and hugs!  We're experiencing the same here and here are my theories, all of which I think are true but I unfortunately can rarely predict them before the fact:

1.  Over stimulated
2.  Under stimulated
3.  Over tired -- he'll miss naps here and there and almost always this results in long NW

4.  too warm/too cold
5.  has to poo (either having trouble poo'ing or the opposite tummy ache type thing)

6.  SA - I have found the more calm I am, the more calm Oliver is.  So, should I purposefully AP to get him to sleep I notice if I fall asleep, he falls asleep.  I rarely hold him anymore but some days I'm just so tired I'll lay down on his floor next to him.  If he senses I'm upset, he tosses and turns more.  I think security is everything to him because to this day my DH can put him to nap, lay him down, kiss him goodnight and 9 of 10 times he goes to bed.  Me, however, I try that and he screams.  I have to stay with him yet.

It is tough but I try to limit the nap as well.  Not the number of hours, but how close to bed time he wakes.  So, if he needs more sleep on the weekends I'd put him to sleep earlier to ensure he's up at his normal time so we get the proper amount of A time in the evening.

Otherwise, so much is a gamble either direction and so much more is out of my control because I'm at work.   HUGS!  I totally get it.  DH and I feel like we're back to new born days, its tough.

[debandbrian]

Thanks so much for responding!! Jill so nice to see you again...I'm a bad BW'er and almost never on here unless needing help - it's just so busy that I'm barely on my computer at all!!

I think longer A time in the afternoon might help - today he napped 11-1:15 (I was planning to wake him at 1, but was letting dh nap and ds1 and I were having such a lovely time doing a puzzle - we hardly get those moments anymore - so I let ds2 go and then he woke on his own so that was good). In a pretty good mood now so if we go back to the 7pm bedtime, it will be almost 6hrs A time and we'll see if that helps.  It's only 4hrs A time if he's woken at 2:30 at daycare (they are pretty rigid about the schedule - at first he was o/t with the transition to daycare, so I asked if he could be the first one put down and the last one woken up, but I think I'll tell them no special treatment anymore).
Our evenings are pretty good - bath with both boys together about 6-ish then we *try* (lol) to keep ds1 calm so the evenings can be quieter then we generally read stories with him for 10-15 mins before, and prior to this week he's gone to bed like a dream. Something unexplained just happened.  Really hoping it gets sorted out soon - do so much appreciate the help!!!!
Will keep you posted...
Deb

[debandbrian]

Ok we may be on to something, I'm just not sure what it is!!!  There's a bit of a pattern with these nw's...if we put him to bed at 7, which has been his bedtime for quite some time, his nw is around 3 am and takes 2 hrs to get him back down. Last night, and one time prior, we tried a bit later bedtime - 7:15/7:20-ish...and the nw was at midnight - it still required me sitting and shushing for an hour, then left at 1am and then he was up again 1:30 BUT he just squawked a little and put himself back to sleep.

So.....we are going to stick with the 7:15 and see if there's any more progress....any guidance or explanation as to why the 15 mins would have so drastically affected the time of the nw? Do you think we are on the right track?

Deb

[gavinsmum1]

Hi Deb,
I'm also experiencing the EXACT same thing with my 23 month old.  He has always slept like a dream through the night since he was an infant.  We've had the occasional disturbance when he's been teething, but nothing like what we've had the last three nights. 
The first night, he woke crying at 3:30.  I went in, checked him and he had soiled his diaper.  I changed him, gave him some Tylenol, since he's cutting eye teeth, a kiss and out the door.  That's all it's taken in the past.  (The poop was really weird, but I chocked it up to teeth).  He wouldn't go back to sleep for two hours!! He kept crying out when I'd try to leave the room and my husband and I took turns going in and reassuring him and he finally drifted off around 5.  The 2nd night, he woke at 1:30 and after a few times of going in and out, my husband picked him out of bed and held him until he went back to sleep, then put him down at 2:30.  The third night, it was my turn (apparently) and it was the same type of behaviour.  He's been waking crying from naps and in the morning, which he NEVER does.  I took him to have his ears checked the other day, but he was clear of infection.  I don't know if an infection is still brewing or if it's fear of something.  It's frustrating because at least if I knew what it was, I could help! I'll keep an eye in here and see if someone else has a suggestion.  Good luck in finding a solution!

Jenn