20 month old - toddler bed adjustment any advice please!

[betsysmum]

Our daughter had to be moved to a toddler bed last month (we've just hit week 4 of the transition) after she broke her arm while climbing out of her cot.

She'd always been a fantastic sleeper, down at 7 (could put her down while awake and she'd just put herself to sleep from about 4 months) and go through until morning.

Since we've had to make the move for safety reasons we've not had a sleepless night since.  Not only is she waking in the night, but she's increasingly difficult to settle and we've had some nights when she's gotten up at 2AM and never gone back down.  Not ideal when we're both working parents and I'm 7 weeks from giving birth to baby number 2.

We've tried to be consistent (walking her back to her room, telling her the first time that it's night night time, then successively returning her without speaking) but sometimes this goes on for up to 3 hours.  Eventually we give up and, shame to say, take her into our bed so we can all get at least a couple hours of sleep before morning.

Due to the broken arm we tried not going too harsh on her, but we know we've probably fallen into accidental parenting habits.  We've had nights where one of us has slept on the floor in her room, but even this isn't working.  And now she's become very difficult to get down at the start of the night.

We're at a complete loss.  We want to do what is best for her and for us.  We don't mind investing the time needed but the methods we've tried have just not worked. 

Any suggestions are much appreciated!

[babybarr]

Does she still have a broken arm? You could wait until her arm is healed and then get tough?  Or you need to have a consistent approach which means *not* giving in.  Perhaps you sitting with her till she falls asleep may be better at this stage.

[betsysmum]

Her cast came off yesterday and it's about 60-70% structurally sound.  The arm which was broken will need about 2-4 weeks until it's back to full functionality.  I think we've been a bit soft with her because we knew she's been in pain, but we're keen to get her back into the swing of things and back to being a good sleeper... in her toddler bed.

Last night we put her down at 7.15, she came out almost immediately and my husband went in with her to soothe her.  Once he thought she was asleep he left the room, but she woke almost immediately.  Eventually, after several repeats, she was down for good at 8.00.  But at 11.45 we heard her wake and she walked right into our room.  I quietly told her it was night night time as I took her back to her bed and stayed with her for about 10 minutes until she dropped off. She did hear me as I left and gave a weak cry but settled herself.  Around 2am she came in again and this time my husband went in (repeating what I had done at midnight) and he had to do it twice before she stopped coming in.  Finally at 3.40 she woke again, but this time crying and upset.  I tried 3 times over 45 minutes to settle her before we eventually let her come in with us and she fell asleep almost instantly.

In addition to the arm, i do think she may have a bit of SA.  Her broken arm happened on 5 Dec, right after we returned from a holiday in the states.  Then it ran right into the christmas holidays so she's had a lot more exposure to my husband and I (she's normally in nursery school 3 days a week and with the in laws a 4th day).  I'm wondering if now that we're back into our weekly routine if things will improve?

Sometimes staying with her works and we're able to settle her in 10 minutes and head back to bed, but there are other times when she is wide awake and has been as bad as the one night when she woke at 1am and never went back down despite us being in her room with her (attempting to sleep on the floor so she knew we were there).

We're just desperate to do the right thing and just don't know what to do.

[babybarr]

I think you could sit with her till she's nearly asleep and then leave and repeat as necessary.  The key though is *not* to give in, it will be hard for a good few nights but then will be worth it.  So tell her you will sit with her for 5mins and then you'll be going back to bed.

What is her routine like at the mo?

[betsysmum]

Her current routine (barring NW) is:

6-6.30 Wake
7 Milk
8 Breakfast
8-11.30 Activity
11.30-12.00 Lunch
12.30-2.30 Nap (usually 1 1/2-2 hours)
2.30-5 Activity
5 Dinner
6.30 start bath, book and milk process
7 down for the night

[mokey_cat]

Have you tried putting a safety gate up at her door?  We put one up when DD moved to a BGB so that wheh she woke she did not go out her room and we would instead go to her.  I made her room as safe as possible and basically tried to ignore her chatting and go to her if she begins to cry so she got used to these NWs not being very exciting    It really worked though and now she does not even leave her bed until morning when she calls for us.

[betsysmum]

just an update.  We've had a really successful weekend without having to get out of bed once and we think it's because we allowed ourselves to become a prop to her adjustment to the new bed (softened by her broken arm - now out of it's cast) but we now stopped.

On Friday night, after her bath, book, milk routine, hubby put her down in her BGB and left her room.  but instead of standing right outside the room so he could take her back in and stay with her for the 20-40 mintues it was taking until she dropped off, he hid around the corner.  As per usual she walked out of her room within 5 minutes.  She looked a bit confused because daddy wasn't on the landing and she did quietly call "daddy" before walking back into her room and closing the door behind her.  We then heard her on the monitor saying to herself "sleep now".  Totally perplexed we let her stay in there but went back up in 10 minutes to find her sound asleep in her bed, completely without props! Amazing!

That night when we went to bed we decided to close our bedroom door (opposite hers on the landing) so that you have to turn the handle, which she can't do.  We did hear her scuttle to the door around midnight, but quickly went quiet.  No tears or anything.  We fell asleep after hearing her outside our door and an hour later woke up confused - where was the drama, what happened to her???  No tears, no having to sit by her bed for hours, what was going on?  So we dashed into her room to find her again asleep in her bed.

What we think has happened (for the last three nights) is that by altering the "rules" of being right outside her room, or through our open door, she's stopped the crying and just put herself back down to bed without any drama.  She was always a good sleeper and I think we may have made ourselves into props when she broke her arm and had to go into a BGB.

three days on and we are all so much more rested and happy.  We have agreed that if she ever were to cry out in a panic cry that we wouldn't hesitate to go to her, but it seems like she was just used to being able to come see us (unhindered by the toddler bed) and when we wouldn't let her into our bed she would get upset and would be impossible to settle (resulting in our AP after 2 1/2 hours and letting her in bed with us just to get some sleep).

I don't know if this is the end of all the drama, but I just wanted to report back on our 3 successful nights.  She's been really cheerful in the morning and we've congratulated her with high fives in the morning which she loves.

[mokey_cat]

Excellent news!!!  Well done you for doing so well 

[babybarr]

Great stuff!!  Always good when a plan comes together!