2.5 yo doesn't want to go to bed at night

[lc]

I don't know what to do anymore. My 2.5 yo used to be OK with going to bed. We've been struggling for the past 5 days. I finally got him off the pacifier, but the problem started before that. He has a bath at about 6pm, eats dinner at 7pm, then read a book and bed by 8pm (in my dreams). He always insists on a 2nd or 3rd book, if I refuse he throws a tantrum. I explain to him clearly before that I'm only going to read one book and then he has to go to bed, of course he gives me his sweetest smile. Sometimes I red a 2nd book (I don't want him to go to bed everynight upset). He tries to get us to stay with him or to avoid going to bed, eg. he used to ask for water, then when I realized what he was doing, I told him to take his bottle of water himself from next to his bed. So, he stopped asking for water. Instead he now says that he's hungry. It's difficult to tell sometimes if he's "faking" or not, especially if he didn't eat well at dinner. He sleeps through the night (unless he has a night terror from being OT, doesn't happen often) and wakes up at about 7h15. On weekends he can nap for 2-3 hours.

I've tried everything to get him to go to sleep on time. No TV before bedtime, bedtime music, pick-up and put him back in bed without talking, ignoring him until he goes back to bed, getting upset, talking to him, singing, rubbing his back. It took 2.5 hours tonight and he finally fell asleep at 21h30. Last night he fell asleep at 10h30. I thought if I put him to bed earlier before he got OT then maybe that would make a difference, but it didn't. Any advise anyone? 

[~*Nicole*~]

How long are his naps during the week? Perhaps you need to cap them? We are in the process of dropping our nap. Long naps lead to bedtime resistance for us.

Also, even if he eats NO dinner he will survive without eating at night. You need to decide what you are going to do to tackle his antics and stick with them. Consistency is key. If you say one book...then only read one book. If you know for sure that he is not sick or in pain and has no actual "need" for you then I would make sure you stick with whatever plan you come up with. I did the WI/WO plan when switching DD to her big girl bed. I did have to put a gate at the door at first. Then she screamed/cried/yelled and got out of the bed, I went in, put her back in and walked out of the room. We repeated this MANY MANY MANY times. We also always did the same routine before bed. Bath, jammies, teeth brushed, one story, sing Hush Little Baby, hug/kiss, mommy leaves. If I had to go back in I only went in to put her back into bed....then left. So I never left her alone crying/screaming as I kept going back to her, but she learned that I wasn't reading extra stories, rubbing her back, singing more songs, laying with her until she went to sleep, etc. She now knows it's HER job to go to sleep and that when I put her to bed....it's bedtime.

I do allow her to read books in her bed until she feels sleepy and allow her to use a nightlight.

HTH.

[lc]

he goes to day care and has a two hour nap there. I don't know if maybe it's daylight savings time that messed everything up. I didn't read a 2nd book tonight. He got a 2nd book himself and was pointing and talking to himself while I was busy doing something in his room. He didn't actually insist on a 2nd book tonight. He's a totally different kid in the morning, I have no problems with him, he's helpful and funny and sweet. Bedtime is a different story though. Wanted to say, he's been sleeping in a normal bed for more than 6 months and we never had a problem with him adjusting to that. After I've read a story and turned on the nightlight, he will usually run out the room, everytime I put him back in bed he will stay there for a few seconds, then he comes out again. Sometimes when I think he's still in his room, but then hear a noise and find him standing in the living room.

[~*Nicole*~]

I'd use the gate at his door then going in and putting him back in bed if he's crying/screaming etc. but otherwise leaving him alone to work it out. If you think his long nap is causing him to not be tired enough, you can cut it to 1.5 hours to see if it makes a difference. If daycare won't cut the nap, you may have to move bedtime later and see if that helps as well. We had a drop in sleep needs in the past couple of months and if we have a long nap, bedtime ends up SUPER late as DD is just not tired enough and will be up for hours in her room before she falls asleep.

[KathrynK]

I think the nap is causing it. 2hrs is very long for a 2.5 yo. I would start waking him each day after 1.5hrs, give it a few days to make a difference, and if he is still refusing bedtime then cut it a little more.

[lc]

the problem is all the kids at day care go to sleep at about the same time. he loves his nap and is a deep sleeper. sometimes he is the last kid to wake up. he was better last night. didn't wake up until 8h30 this morning. ate breakfast, played a bit and then went to daycare. his nap at daycare usually ends at about 3pm, I pick him up at 3h30 and then he goes to play in the playground or visit his grandparents. will make his weekend naps shorter and see what happens. Thanks for advice! 

[KathrynK]

I know what you mean, Alex loves loves loves his nap, he goes into such a deep sleep and would happily sleep 3 hours if I let him. But.... I know that it will give me a cr*ppy bedtime and a cr*ppy night so I have to wake him up. I have been waking him daily from his nap for the past year, and I hate doing it but it is the only way to keep my sanity during the evenings and nights.

Daycare should work with you on this- at our daycare all the kids go to sleep after lunch, but the carers are really good at waking them after, say, an hour, if that's what the parents have asked them to do. There are also many kids in that room (age 2-3yrs) that have dropped their nap, so those kids are taken out and play in the hall whilst the younger ones are napping. After all, you pay daycare to take care of him, so they should abide by your wishes for things like this.
good luck!

[~*Nicole*~]

Kathryn-Over here a lot of daycares are not legally allowed to wake sleeping children. That is why I put that bedtime might have to just be late with a short night if that is the case there.

[KathrynK]

OMG really?? That would be an utter disaster for us, lol
Xx

[~*Nicole*~]

Tell me about it. If you use someone who does it out of their house or whatever, it's not usually a big deal. And some of the licensed centers WILL do it regardless, but others are sticklers for the "rules" and will not wake them!!! (Thank goodness I had my mom and another woman in town who does it out of her house LOL)

[scucci1979]

Here in Canada, daycares have to wake according to the parents suggested nap length.

I too am on the verge of cutting DD1s nap. She still naps for 2hours, and can easily do more.  BT is slowly becoming later and I know that is a sign that I have to cut her nap down to 1.5hours. Mind you, she is so cranky when she wakes up-VERY CRANKY.