How do I get out the door?

[tripleblessed]

I am in need of some help.  I have been doing GW for almost 2 years and I am exhausted!  I have 2 yo twin boys that sleep in the same room. One of my boys can fall asleep on his own.  The other one has cried each time his head has hit the crib since the day he was born!  I have been trying to do GW with him, but it never gets better.  Plus each time we hit teething or an illness we take steps backwards and have to start all over again.  He will cry and cry no matter what you do unless it is patting his back.  Weeks will go by with us trying to slowly move away from him and he still cries and cries.  I don't know what to do.  I need to get out the door.  I also have a 4 yo who sleeps in his own room and this situation makes it impossible for one person to put everyone down.  That means no babysitter for putting to sleep and torture when my husband goes out of town. I am at a total loss.  I feel sometimes like me being there is making it worse, but I hate leaving him alone to cry.  WI/WO does not work because it disturbs his brother to have me going in and out and then he starts crying (He can sleep through his brother crying, but not me walking in and out).  He sleeps thru the night once he is down which I am very grateful for.  He also goes down with no help for naps. At nap time I am able to walk out the door with him wide awake.  He and his brother chat a bit and then go to sleep.  Why can't he do this at bedtime? How do I get out the door?

His schedule is

7AM wake
1PM nap
3/3:30 wake up
7:30 lights out (won't usually fall asleep for another 30-60 minutes)

Any help you can give me would be so appreciated. 

[sianie]

Hi there!

{{Hugs}}...it sounds like you have your hands full!

Has he ever been able to sleep independently?

It is quite normal for teething & illness to regress sleep in LO's. At around 2 yrs old 2nd year molars can start to bother them & they can take ages to come through....could this be part of the issue?

It does sound like the back patting to get him to sleep has become a prop, hence the crying at BT.

Looking at your routine, that last A-time is quite short after a 2/2.5hr nap.....so part of the problem could be that he's UT at BT hence the resistance. You could push BT later or cap the nap & keep the same BT?

What do you think?

[babybarr]

I wonder if you wake the one who is creating at bedtime slightly earlier from his nap and see if that helps if he's more tired at bed.

I will also get Cherie to pop on and have a look - she's another twin mum

[momtonb&ab]

i think Laura has the right idea, that maybe he needs to wake a bit earlier.  what i used to do was go in and scoop up DD a bit earlier because DS needed a longer nap.   then they would be reaady for bed at the same time. 

i also want to ask what 'kind' of cry it is.  for a spell our DD needed to grizzle and fuss going to bed, but it was more of a 'i am angry about being put to bed and i need to get this out of my system before i can settle' cry then it was an 'i need you mommy' type of cry.  i used to stand at teh door and 'sssssshhhhhhhhhhh' and tap my ring against the door frame rythmically to give her a sense of hearing my voice so she would settle. for me, WIWO was the same, it would wake DS who could sleep through her cries but couldn't sleep through my in and out. 

huge hugs to you - it is hard work but the fact that he settles for naps suggests that he can go to sleep independently.   

what is different at bedtime than naptime?  is the room darker?  does he eat/drink before either sleep? is it cooler? perhaps he is overstimulated from bath time and can't get settled?  maybe more stories to wind down?  maybe too much wind down?

just things to consider as we try to sort this one out!

[tripleblessed]

Thank you!  I think you all may be right.  My twin that falls asleep on his own always gets up from nap earlier than my twin that cries and cries.  How short should I make the nap? Should I wake him at 3 or 2:30?  I don't want tom push the bedtime later because all the boys go down at the same time right now. 

He has had periods where he has periods where he has fallen asleep on his own, but something always happens to send us backwards - teething, illness, travel.

I think he has had some periods of working on his 2 year molars. Lots of drooling and hands in the mouth.  We always give Motrin if we see signs of teething.  Right now there are no signs.

The room is darker at bedtime.  The bedtime routine is also different.  Nighttime at our house with 3 boys ages 4,2 and 2 is a little crazy.  It can feeling like herding cats on coffee a lot of the time.  We do bath, brush teeth, pjs on, stories, then the 2 little ones get lights off.  Once lights are out they drink their bottles and we sing songs.  Once bottles are finished we start singing twinkle twinlke little star and into crib.  My husband and i switch every night who puts the little ones down and who puts our older one down.  For nap it is 2-3 stories, lights out, twinkle twinkle little star and then into crib. 

I will shorten nap starting tomorrow and see what happens.  I know it can take a few days to see a difference.  I m so praying this will help him fall asleep better.  My heart breaks for him that he has such a hard time at bedtime. 

[momtonb&ab]

I also wonder about the bottle - at this age they start to become aware and uncomfortable when they pee in the diaper so maybe he drink is an 'irritant' to the difficult time settling?  Could you switch it up and give them a drink from a cup before or after bath and see if that helps?

[tripleblessed]

Ok... So I have shortened the nap. I wake him at 3 everyday now.  We still have a lot of crying at bedtime.  I have even pushed up the bedtime a little.  Now lights out at 7:45.  Still crying.  It is not an angry cry. It is more of a "I am so sad to be in this crib by myself"cry.  I don't know what do do because I keep going back in when he cries and nothing ever gets better.  I need this to change.  I just want a peaceful bedtime where I can put all 3 of my boys down by myself. 

[momtonb&ab]

have you thought about changing up the bottle? 


also, wondering if you would consider going to 2:30 with the nap?  maybe 3 is too late?

[sianie]

I agree with Cherie that that 3pm may be a little late for a 7.45pm BT (less than 5hrs A-time for a 2 yr old is on the low side).

[tripleblessed]

We went camping this weekend, so just now getting back on track.  We, of course, are still having a lot of crying at bed time.  After all these months of me sitting in the chair with him if he was not tired wouldn't he at least stay awake in his crib with out crying?  Why all the crying all these years?  When I am sitting in the chair in his room praying for the day I can walk out the door should I use my voice to comfort him or just sit there quietly?  Sometimes think my voice is disturbing him but I worry that if I am just sitting there he is wondering " why is my mommy just sitting there when I am so sad?".

I have been waking him up at 3 because sometimes for nap he does not fall asleep until 1:30. I feellike he should get at least 1 1/2 hour nap.  It is hard because I cannot get them down any earlier due to big brothers schedule.  I will move bedtime to 8.  That will be 5 hours of A time.  The question is do I put him in his crib at 8 or put him in a little earlier to fall asleep by 8? Like 7:45?  His twin brother is not going to like this as he is ready to go to bed earlier.  Also I have to wake everyone by 7:30 tonged to school. Is that enough sleep?

[momtonb&ab]

exactly how old are they?  our little ones by the age of two could only do an hour and 15 mins max for a nap with a 12 hour night - i think if he is asleep at 1:30 waking him by 2:30 might just solve the problem.  i still wonder if he is undertired and he sees you there at night and wants your attention.  have you tried standing outside the door to see if he settles?

[tripleblessed]

They turned 2 in May.  If I stand outside the door he just cries and cries.  Do I try and talk thru the door?  Right now if I leave I don't say anything.  Could they hear me? 

[tripleblessed]

Forgot to add - we have a sound machine on in their room.   Also, I am a bit afraid to lose the bottle.  He is very attached to it.  I will start to gradually decrease the amount and see what happens. 

So, my husband put the twins down tonight at 8. My crying twin cried a little for a few minutes after he walked out the door and then put himself to sleep!  My husband described it as a fake cry to he did not go back in.  Please, please, please let this be the beginning of a new bedtime life for us!  Keeping my fingers crossed!   

[momtonb&ab]

How is it going now?  Are things settling down?