Maybe I am just a little confused by Gradual extinction. Maybe that is the same as NCSS, in which case I am not opposed. I just don't agree with letting baby cry for any period without contact from me.
That explains the confusion - *extinction* is an extreme form of CIO, and gradual extinction is probably a form of controlled crying. Gradual *withdrawl* is a gradual method of removing props and teaching independent sleep with a minimum of crying. It can take some time (the gradual part) but it's great for bubs who don't respond well to pu/pd and for parents who have difficulty with the crying of pu/pd (even though bub is never left to cry alone).
I think you're having bad nights for a combination of reasons:
- feed to sleep and rocking props: because your lo never falls asleep independently, when he stirs and wakes through the night (which we all do, babies to adults) he is unable to put himself back to sleep without a prop so he cries for you.
- routine troubles (short naps leading to OT, frequent feeds)
- possibly teething pain? He's definitely the right age for teeth to be causing troubles. Have you tried pain meds to see if that has an impact?
I used gw to wean patting about a year or so ago... D was going through some wicked teething, and we found that whoever was putting him down had to pat his bum in the crib until he was asleep, then start patting softer and softer and slower and slower and sneak out of the room. Then the teeth broke through so we tried to go back to our old routine (just laying him in his crib, patting for a minute or so, then saying goodnight and leaving) but when we stopped patting he would roll over and look at us and start to cry when we tried to leave! Oops...
I patted until he relaxed, then started patting more softly, then just rested my hand on his bum until he was asleep. I kept that up for about a few days, gradually shortening the time that I was patting, but he was still falling asleep with my hand on his bum. Then I started taking my hand away before he was asleep, but still standing right by his crib as if my hand was there, even though I wasn't touching him, kwim? Again, I kept that up for a few days, taking my hand away earlier each time but always still standing by his crib until he fell asleep. Then I did everything the same, but stepped away from the crib when I took my hand away. This was probably the hardest step, as he rolled over and looked at me when I moved away. He didn't cry though, so I just stayed 'goodnight sweat pea' (our key phrase) and stayed in the room until he fell asleep. Couple days of that and he no longer rolled over to look at me, so I would say our phrase and then leave the room. The whole process took less than 2 weeks, probably because he had been sleeping pretty much independently before so it was just getting back to it. To this day we still do a bit of a back rub after we tuck him in (maybe 2min if I had to guess?) but it's just a nice part of our bedtime routine and it helps him settle
So in your case, for the rocking, the steps might look like (I'm assuming you're rocking until asleep):
1. rock until the 5 mile stare, place in crib right away keeping your hand/arms on him (with or without motion) so that he feels your presence if he stirs.
2. rock until almost asleep, place in crib keeping your hands/arms on him (w/ or w/out motion) until he is asleep
3. rock until almost asleep, place in crib keeping your hands lightly on him
4. rock for less time, place in crib keeping hands lightly on him
... keep rocking for less time, placing him in his crib awake but relaxed with your hands lightly on him
... get to the point where you're not rocking, just holding before placing him in the crib
... take your hands away earlier and earlier as he's falling asleep (staying by his crib so he feels your presence)
... get further away from the crib, until you're out the door
Those are just some examples, but keep in mind that the nice thing about gw is that you can make it work to fit you and your lo. And if you enjoy a little rocking (the way I don't mind rubbing D's back before sleep) you can incorporate it into your routine, the important thing is to make sure that it's not necessary for him to fall asleep. And I would keep everything else in your bedtime routine the same and only change the prop that you're gwing.
I will see if I can get some EASY eyes to have a look at your routine
