Brand new (1st post) - 5 1/2 M.O. - EBF - BFing messes up our EASY

[drea_raye]

So... I wish that Tracy had been able to put out another book since new BFing info came out  , however she has already helped me so much, and I am hoping you guys can help or reassure me that all is well! My LO is J, he is my Valentine's baby, born 4 weeks early. I found EASY via a search for curing the 40 min naps (which were a new thing to us, J was unpredictable but could nap well) and it seems to fit. I stretched his A time to 2 hours, and he goes down very easily (we have almost no AP, which is awesome, and he has never nursed to sleep except at night and mid-nap.)

My issue is that he is eating every three hours during the day. At night he goes up to 4 in a stretch, but his NF are at 4,3,4 hours in. He has spent quite a bit of time in my bed (after the second NW and for the first morning nap.) We have constant EW, which are caused in part by me getting up to get DH his breakfast before he goes to work (5:45 or so). And... if J is in bed before 8ish he barely sees DH during the week (if at all). Add in the fact that if we go to town with DH we are away from home 11-13 hours and we have a recipe for chronically bad routines.

More info (as if that wasn't enough) - J was born 7lb3oz (4wk early) and was 18lb4oz at 5 months (now 5 1/2 months). I have a great milk supply. He has always nursed just one side, but recently I started trying to get him to take both sides less often (after making the mistake of trying to feed him more often...) We have some nursing strike issues, he only likes to nurse lying down in bed. (Gave up the car recently). He used to take a bottle, but DH started working more OT, J and I got sick, and I got lazy. Now he is happy to play with it, but doesn't have any idea how to get milk out, or care that milk does come out of it.

Here was our day today (we were away from the house.)
A - 6am-7:30 (change, playing in the car)
S - 7:30 - 8:00
A/E - BF @ 8:40
S - 10:10 - 12:10 (woke at 10:50, had to be taken up, then back down by 11:10, had to wake him at 12:10)
E - Attempted bottle, after 2 oz (and 20 mins) nursed. Didn't nurse well. A
S - 2:10 - 2:50 (fought, screamed, etc. until)
E - 3:10 (nursed in car protesting. Only took one side. Nursed 4-5 mins, this is normal for him.)
S - 3:15 - 4:10 (again had to be woken.)
A -
S - 6:20 - 7:10
E - 7:30 (nursed one side well, played a bit, nursed other side well - this means maybe 8-10 mins total)
A -
S - 8:30 (NW at 9:20, soothed back down. Woke at about 10:10, went back on his own.)

We don't DF (and attempting it brought back NW at 11, when he started going to 1am with the new napping.) I expect him to wake before 1.

I have put in so much info, I don't even know what I am missing or what my question is. LOL. Let me try to sum it up...

1. Is it a problem that I am feeding in the middle of a nap? It is the only way to get 2h awake and 2 hr sleep (since 1.5hr for a nap seems harsh with that 20min nap break)

2. How do I pick when to feed at night? I understand i am not supposed to comfort, then give in and feed, but his waking cries are the same as hunger cries, even after 2 1/2 w/out eating (I just put him back down easy at 11:15, when I would have swore he wanted to eat.)

3. How strict is 7/7. 8/8 would be way better for us... or does it depend on the LO?

4. Do I really have to stop co-sleeping? I love it for the morning nap, although he NOD and I sleep... I am guessing even if I do it I have to limit the time? Sometimes it can be 2 1/2 hours... it is bliss after several night wakings. 

----

Wow, a novel... please feel free to direct me with bit of my questions... or ask me for more info. I feel like we are in the train station, but not on track... 

[Erin M]

Hi sweetie!  Welcome to the boards!  For specific schedule questions, you might want to post on the EASY forum as some of your issues certainly seem to be schedule related.  Just looking quickly at your EASY that first A time is pretty short for a 5.5 month old so it would definitely create a short nap - that's going to throw you off for the rest of the day and make it hard for you to keep to a schedule. 

1. Is it a problem that I am feeding in the middle of a nap? It is the only way to get 2h awake and 2 hr sleep (since 1.5hr for a nap seems harsh with that 20min nap break)

It's not really the best idea.  If he wakes up around when he should eat, and is hungry, you might want to feed him and then keep your next A time super short and then try to get him to take a longer nap the next time.  Where is he napping during this?  I see on the EASY you have in your post, you were out of the house all day, so I would think it would be hard to extend the nap if you're in the car.  What happens when you're at home?  You can use PU/PD to extend the nap at home if you think your EASY is working well.  This gives you some basics if you're interested: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=208990.0

2. How do I pick when to feed at night? I understand i am not supposed to comfort, then give in and feed, but his waking cries are the same as hunger cries, even after 2 1/2 w/out eating (I just put him back down easy at 11:15, when I would have swore he wanted to eat.)

I kind of look at a couple of things - I try not to feed more often at night than during the day, so if he's eating every 4 hours during the day, don't feed more often than every 4 hours at night.  I also look at how well they're nursing at the night feeding.  If he's just taking a few swallows and drifting off, he doesn't need it.  If he seems quite hungry, then he does need the feed.  You can work on getting more calories in him during the day so he doesn't need those night feeds.

3. How strict is 7/7. 8/8 would be way better for us... or does it depend on the LO?

Hmm....not sure what you mean.  Are you talking about number of feeds?  If so, there's a lot of variation -- see this for some more information: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=98183.0 (mainly about night feeds, but good stuff there for you)

4. Do I really have to stop co-sleeping? I love it for the morning nap, although he NOD and I sleep... I am guessing even if I do it I have to limit the time? Sometimes it can be 2 1/2 hours... it is bliss after several night wakings.

Well, there's a lot of answers to that question.    If it's working for both of you, no.  If it's making it hard for him to fall asleep at other times and if he expects it, then probably. 

HTH!

[drea_raye]

Thanks for the reply!

The day I posted did have a very short first nap, and was out of wack with what we would usually do at home, he woke when the car stopped while dropping my hubby off at work. Normally for naps and the first part of the night he sleeps in his crib.

In reference to 7/7 what I meant was 7am to 7 pm for the 12 hour day... this would be better posted in sleeping I think. Our day almost never looks like that, and if it did hubby wouldn't get to see the baby at all most days.

Part of our trouble may also come from the fact that he won't nurse anywhere but side-lying in bed. It isn't that he nurses to fall asleep (never has) but that means he easily tricks me at night into keeping him in bed (as I drift off while nursing...) If we had a slightly bigger bed this wouldn't be an issue, but until DH gets up for work it can be crowded.

[Erin M]

Oh, of course!  Yes, definitely 8 to 8 is fine too!