Okay, for all of you struggling, this may help! I was trying to shush/pat and soothe my little guy for several weeks now, he was doing the 40-45 minute naps from 3 weeks on and it was loony tunes around here trying to keep up (I have twin three year olds at home). I think I have realized one secret-they will change when they are ready. He is exactly four months old today, and about four days ago took a two hour afternoon nap with a lot of help from me with shush/pat. Since then he will sleep about 1.5 h in the morning and about 2.0 to 2.5 for the second nap, with help. Today was the best day so far, requiring me to visit him twice for each nap but I can tell he is much more receptive to the shush/pat and willing and wanting to sleep more. Before this week, he would just cry and cry and I thought I was doing it all wrong. I think it is a developmental milestone for some babies, and we all just need to stress less. The other thing that changed was that I put him a 4 hour EASY full force as of last week, and I'm pretty certain that encouraged him to nap longer as well, as now he knows that he doesn't need to feed soon and he can just sleep.
However, when I go in for shush/pat, he still seems to need his soother to really settle into a deep sleep again. I'm hoping this changes, or wondering if the soother is now a prop which I have to reinsert every nap from now on? He uses the soother only at bedtime, then sleeps great at night until about 5 a.m. where he is fussy off and on until 6:30, and in that time I offer him his soother to just settle a bit. He's not hungry at that time, he still feeds once around midnight or 1 a.m. So hmmmmm....should I work on lengthening the naps consistently now, get him in a routine, and then try to wean the soother?