How to politely deal with food sensitivities in social situations

[tigerlilly905]

I've found myself in a few difficult social situations when dealing with food sensitivities lately. It would seem an allergy is much more accepted/understood, but when declining certain foods due to a sensitivity, it would seem I get funny looks or people think we're just beeing "food snobs".

What's the simplest and politest way to try and avoid these uncomfortable situations?  It's hard especially when dealing with snacks ect. when Ds1 is doing play dates. I'm sure to bring foods he can eat, and extras for others so he can share - but when others try and share their food - people just don't seem to understand when I decline due to a sensitivity .

[LisaK1]

I just tell folks the foods in question cause digestive probs and most folk understand and and say how tricky that must be for us. 

[LisaK1]

Guess it depends on how you decline too....if offered I just say "you know, we'd love to have some but unfortunately harry can't eat that right now because he is 'xyz'  9 out of 10 folks empathise but the odd 1 doesn't and I think 'so what, can't help some folks ignorance eh'

[firsttimemummy]

try to warn people ahead of time - I used to just say he can't have xyz without explaining, unless people asked.  If they did, I just said it didn't agree with him.  Although, tbh, now and then I did let him have things as a one-off when we were out and about.  With me, I just say that certain foods don't agree with me and leave it at that

[Buntybear]

I say it causes him pain, that seems to work!

[tigerlilly905]

All great thoughts, thank you for the suggestions.

Ok, so what about if Ds1 has to go to a bday party and I know he will have to pass on the cake (b/c it has grains and dairy which he's sensitive to) - what's the best way to deal with that? Would it be rude for me to bring some cupcakes that are dairy/grain free? I don't want him to feel left out or ostracized by the other kids, kwim? He's still very young now, but I'm thinking of possible situations in the future...

[firsttimemummy]

I used to work with a boy who had so many food allergies etc - he was only 4 but he would tell me what he wasn't allowed to eat.  If you teach your LO what they can't eat and explain briefly (and appropriately) why they will get used to it. 

Would he be okay with just a little slice of cake, once in a while?  If not, could you offer to take another cake along and let everyone choose (ensuring your LO has his cake?).

Also, try not to worry too far ahead - Murray outgrew most (if not all) of his food issues aged 2, so your LO might - it's quite common at that age.

[Erin M]

Just bring your own and explain.  Honestly, kids are quite accepting of things like that, some of them might want to try, but if you say, "C can't have your cake because it hurts his tummy, so he's having xyz instead, would you like to try?" most kids just leave it at that.  I think you'll have more trouble with the adults. 

[my3girlsjde]

ITA with Erin. Kids are very accepting. I tell my girls and other kids all the time not to feed E because it will make her belly sore and make her sick.

For a lot of adults, the word 'intolerance' isn't understood and 'sensitive' even less. Unless of course they've been through it. I've leaned on using a flat out allergy even though it's not been confirmed through the few tests E's had. The term allergy tends to carry far more respect.

[deb]

What Vicki said. I've decided to stop pussyfooting around it and just say we have issues with X or are outright allergic to it. I've taken a few organic lollipops to school so Josie can have one when everyone else is having horrifically sugared nasties for someone's birthday.

FWIW, we have a friend whose DD is highly allergic to a number of foods and she always asks as a matter of course (even after 9 years LOL) if she can bring her own cake or ice cream for her DD to a party, and of course we always say sure, and thanks, or we are sure to make a cake that doesn't have the offending stuff in it (in their case it's dairy and nuts and sesame - we do some cooking w/sesame oil) that everyone can eat.

[EloysH]

Honestly I stopped trying to explain food intolerance or sensitivity and just say "he has food allergies".  Everyone understands and respects that and then the conversation is quickly over and I am not left in the awkward position of trying  to explain food intolerance or food sensitivity to them, and justify his diet etc etc    Or else jsut say something really simple liek it makes his tummy sore.  That has worked a few times for me too.  Everyone seems to understand that.  Or else " he doesn't digest grains properly".

At parties I take a little treat for him and with other kids they are usually really accomodating when we say not to fofer him food as it makes his tummy sore.  We have taught his 3 & 4 year old cousins that they are not allowed to offer him food or feed him anything as it makes his tummy sore and they take it very seriously and report all sorts of things to me... " Kai was looking at my sandwich but i quickly walked into another room!"

After a little while he will be able to announce what he can and can't eat, and announce that he eats cake from home as it doesn't make his tummy sore. 

[Rileysmum]

We have told family that DS is intolerant. If they ask, we tell them how it bothers him - sore stomach, gas, night wakings, everything. I always try to look at it as them trying to learn, because they have never had to deal with that sort of thing. So I try to explain to the best of my ability what it is like for him. For situations where it won't be a factor very much, or you may never see the person again (like SIL's wedding a few weeks ago), we just say he is allergic. Really we shouldn't use that word, but it is just easier and less stressful.

For situations like birthday parties, or groups where someone else will be providing the food , I always bring my own. If it is a birthday party, I call the parent ahead of time, explain that DS can't have X, so is it okay if I bring the food for him, so they don't have to put the extra effort in. So far we have only ever had one child ask why he was having different food, and we just explained that what he was eating would hurt DSs tummy. That was enough for him. For playgroups, I bring my own food, plus extra in case any kids want to share. I don't bring it out until I see what was brought. If it is something that DS can't have, I pull the mom aside, explain, and ask if it is okay to offer the food I brought to DS.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

For situations where it won't be a factor very much, or you may never see the person again (like SIL's wedding a few weeks ago), we just say he is allergic. Really we shouldn't use that word, but it is just easier and less stressful.

Yeah, this is what I tend to do as well.  I find in restaurants if I just ask what they have that is gluten, egg & dairy free they just assume she is allergic and I don't bother explaining.  I know too many kids who could die from eating things they are allergic too that I don't want to misrepresent our intolerances, but it is just way easier in most situations!