Can someone please give me some ideas on how to make bedtimes not so traumatic.
DS is just over 2.5yrs and is a determined stubborn and independent wee boy. For the past month we have been have trouble getting him to go to sleep for both his naps and bedtime, he is the king of delay tatics, but we have managed and he been just staying in his bed reading his books quietly and eventually drops off to sleep.
However the last week/10days have been completely insane and now we are having absolute meltdown tantrums when it is time to go to sleep.
He will happily go to bed, and occasionally will ask to go to bed. We do teeth, toilet, bedtime story (in bed) kiss, cuddle and say good night. Then the delays start. Originally it started with I need mummy, I need Daddy, to which we could say, well you lie nice and quietly and I will get mummy/daddy. That still works, but there is also I need wees, I need a drink, I need teddy, I need socks, I need my sleeves pulled down, I need pamol, I need to talk to Nana, I need a kiss, I need a cuddle and the list goes on.
This can go on for hours, and eventually ends him having a meltdown because he is so OT. He gets completely beside himself and starts banging his head on the floors/walls and thrashing around. It is horrible, and nothing you do can calm him down, he just won’t let you touch him.
I think it could be one (or a mixture) of a few things.
1) UT/OT loop. WE started capping his nap at about 6mths ago, and have progressively capped it now to 1hr. He is at daycare 3 days a week and on those days he happily goes down at 1pm with the other kids for his nap. Generally he will sleep from 1-2, he normally wakes himself at daycare and is happy. But on those days it can be anywhere up to 10pm before he goes to sleep despite being put to bed at 7/7.30. On the days that he is home, if I get him to sleep it normally isn’t till 1-1.30 and I find myself waking him at 2.30pm at the latest so we can preserve BT.
Also on home days he occasionally will not have a nap, and although it is generally easier to get him down to sleep, it is still taking almost an hour before he drops off and then we have NWíngs and EWings.
2) Another possible cause is SA. I say this is because he is fine while we are in the room, it is when we try to leave that the problems occur. We have tried staying in with him but he just doesn’t see this as time to sleep and just chats away to us. We also have a 5mth old, so I can imagine he is feeling a little invaded. But in saying that he adores his little brother and we have had no problems with him adjusting what so ever. The only thing that I have noticed in the last week is that he wants to be more like a baby: ie: wanting to wear nappies occasionally, wanting his drinks out of sippy cups and bottles instead of big boy cup etc.
I make a real point of spending 1 on 1 time with him whenever DS2 is in bed and also when DS2 is up we all play together. DH also makes sure that on the weekends that DS1 and I have half a day where we go out and do something just together.
3) Developmental-He is fully day trained and when this all started was when he decided he no longer needed a nappy at night (Which he does really but we play the game) He is dry maybe 60% of the time, and will wake dry during the night and go to the toilet. We find it hard because he uses this against us and will go to the toilet every few minutes, as he knows we won’t say no, and he always manages to get out a few dribbles to make it real.
His wake up time varies depending on what his night is like and can be anywhere between 5.30-7, but is generally between 6.30 and 7. I always aim for a nap around 12.30-1pm. I have tired earlier but he just wouldn’t have a bar of it.
We have a gro clock, which is working well and although he doesn’t necessarily sleep longer he does stay in his room till the sun comes up.
He has a gate across his room and we leave it open. We tell him that if he mis-behaves and doesn’t stay in his room we will close it but this just makes him hysterical, and he will stand at the gate and shake it and bang his head against it.
I tried a reward chart, and I think he understands it, as he tells me what he needs to do to get a star and what he gets when the page is full but he hasn’t been good enough to get a star yet or see that there is a point to it.
So what can I do?? We can’t continue like this as it is upsetting for all of us, especially me who has to put him down for naps during the week by myself, we both ended up in tears today, with no nap. It is a fine line between making bedtime a comforting experience but still keeping the discipline. Is it because he is dropping the nap and I should just get rid of it completely? Or is it just an age thing and what goes along with the terrible two’s??
Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do? We are desparate
