4 month old - night wake. started tryin CIO but couldn't

[jubbs]

I feel horrible as a mother. Last night I had had enough and couldn't deal with it anymore. So I tried CIO. I went cold turkey - removed the swaddle, dummy and let him cry for 2 minutes, then 3, then 5 etc until he fell asleep. He woke after an hour and I did the same thing. And then after 2 hours - did it then. The next time he woke I couldn't - did i become a mother so I would let my child cry like this, while sitting so close that i'm sure he could smell me. I picked him up - swaddled him, fed him a bit and put him to bed how i normally due.

So some background info - my little guy is 4 months and a bit, BF, and takes cereal twice a day. He has never been nursed or held to sleep. I have always put him in the crib and he'll fall asleep with some patting needed. He needs to be swadddled otherwise his arms and legs go everywhere which wakes him up. He takes a dummy still but spits it out if hes had enough of it. I live with my inlaws - we have one bedroom in the basement so DS sleeps in a crib in our room. My room is my sanctuary away from all the caous of the house so during the day i need to be in my room. I have the blinds closed but its still not dark dark so DS wears a hat that slightly covers his eyes - it has never gone over his nose and he moves his head if it is bothering him at all.

so the problems - there are nights (a lot of them) that he'll wake 6 or 7 times in the night and I dont know why. there are days where i know its cause of gas or whatever but a lot of the times i dont know the reason. I dont feed him everytime - just a dream feed a feed at either 3 or 5. he is constantly fighting to break out of the swaddle and once he does he cant sleep again.

for his naps i have started doing one arm out which works ok - but he pulls out the dummy - and then cries. or he pulls his hat off and then he is looking around at everything. same thing happened when i tried it at night.

the other thing is that when he's sleeping he moves his head from side to side and won't sleep unless i gently put my hand on his body and head.

the big thing is that around once a week i have to be out with him after his bed time. it is beyond my control to be at home - and yesterday i tried putting him to sleep when we were out - i was trying from 7:45 till 9:45 with no luck. i think its what made me try CIO - because everytime i have to be out so late and there isn't a quiet room for him to sleep in - i spend the entire time trying to get him to sleep and its soo frustrating.

i feel like such a horrible mother. I should be thankful that i have a healthy child, whose safe and happy. I know i'm being ungrateful and when i look back at this i'll thing how crazy i am to have worried about all this, but right now - it's getting to be too much for me.

btw - i have an awesome husband who is always there for me. But there are times when i know he has to be at work really early and i dont want to have to wake him up. I need to know i can do this on my own. i'm a bit anal that way

im sorry for the super long post - but i just don't know what to do or where to start. I know some might say it's too early to start trying to sleep through the night etc - but he's angel txt book - he should be able to do this. he has done it twice - waking up only once at 3 for a feed and sleeping till 7:30 - why doesn't he do that every day??

thank you for any advice or help

sorry for the typos - writing through tears

[Bex09]

HUGS hun. I am so glad that you realised that there are more gentle ways to help your LO with his NW than letting him cry. Due to the fact that he has CIO a little you may need to work on regaining his trust, we will help you through. How does he seem about settling to sleep now? Does he seem OK to be patted still?

Can you post your typical day in EAS format please, then we can see if anything in his routine may be effecting things.

[jubbs]

He was fine after the CIO - he cried a bit so i held him till be calmed down then shh/pat. He does seem ok with the shh/pat - he does get frustrated at times with it, so i try to humm instead. Not sure if I should try pupd

So this is slightly typical if he gets up on time

E - 7:30 (he has cereal, waits about 30min and then BF)
A - 7:30 - 9 (start to put him down)
S - 9:10/9:15 (go by his cues of him getting fussy and rubbing his eyes), we are dealing with the 45min intruder, so have to go in at 40min mark and pat for awhile  - he sometimes will sleep for 1:40 or sometimes 2 hrs
E - 10:50
A - 10:50 - 12:20
S - 12:30 - 2 (or 2:30)
E - 2
A - 2-4
S - 4-6
E - 6
A - 6-7:10 (this is when we shower and get a massage)
E - 7:20 - he has his cereal for the night
S - 7:40ish
DF - 9:30

Then depending on the night he might sleep till 1 or get up every little bit, very unpredictable
E - 3 or 5 (which ever he wakes up at)

His A times vary from 1:40 to 2 hrs at times. I try and go by his cues more than the clock.

Hope thats ok

[Bex09]

Your EASY looks great and he is getting plenty of sleep in the day.  Also good that you are obviously watching and reading his cues so well to get his A time spot on.

Just a couple of questions to see if we can work this out for you. What sort of cereal does he have? Is it solids or in a bottle with milk to act as a thickener? Does he have any medical issues like reflux or MPI?

If he is breaking out of the swaddle have you tried the Miracle Blanket? It was the only swaddle my DD couldn't escape from. Do you notice that his NW only happen when he gets out of the swaddle or do they happen at other times too?

Also it might be worth trying to push his DF a little later than 9.30. Have you tried and what happens?

[jubbs]

He is currently just having rice cereal. He had been throwing up a lot - possibly slight reflux, so to help him keep the milk down, the doctor suggested cereal twice a day which is really helping. I thought he had a MPI when he was really young, cutting it out of my diet helped for awhile, then it made no difference.

He wakes up at night even if he hasnt broken out of the swaddle, i find once he has broken out of the swaddle he can;t go back to sleep easily. Will try the blanket - they say it can only be used up to 4 months - any point in trying it now?

I have done later DF - havent notice too much of a difference but it's worth a try. what time should i do it? 10? 11?

thanks for the help

[Bex09]

It might be worth trying to push the DF to nearer 10.30 or 11.00 if you can handle it that late. Maybe just push it half an hour later each few days to check he doesn't start waking for it. You never know it might help if he is waking hungry.

Using the miracle blanket for older than 4 month olds really depends on how big your LO is. If he is bursting out of it then obviously you should rethink. We used it later than that as my DD was only small.

Hmmm... the rice cereal. Good that it is helping with his sickness, but we were advised the same with my DD at about 5 months for her reflux. Our paed said it will either go one way or the other! For us it caused DD to have awful NW as she was in so much pain with wind, bringing her knees up, arching her back and generally just screaming in the night. So we stopped it and waited until she was 6 months to try again. When we did introduce solids DD was still never any good on rice cereal, it just gave her awful tummy trouble. Have you noticed that things have been worse since you started the cereal or not?

[Buntybear]

Hi and welcome!

I am so pleased you have posted and I hope we can help you and your son get better sleep in a way which is gentle on you both.

My first thought was also the introduction of food. It can upset a lot of LOs tummies and 4 months is a very young age, I understand that you have done this under advice. Did it start around the same time or before?

Re the unswaddling. Could you try and introduce a lovey so that he plays and finds comfort with that not his hat?

You are not a horrible mother but one who cares and loves her son greatly. x

[jubbs]

Tried doing the later dream feed last night - well actually I fell asleep early and ended up waking at midnight so I did the DF then. LO woke again at 5 and then slept through the night.

Even before the cereal we had a lot of difficulties - seemed like he has always in pain. Cereal has helped a bit on some days but still making him fussy.

He does have a lovely, I try giving it to him in his hand so he holds onto it but I guess he knows the difference and wants the hat instead.

Thank you for all the continued advice. I really appreciiate it.

For some reason his last nap that supposed to be 1:40 he only slept about 45 and then I spent the other hour trying to get him to sleep with no luck and a super cranky baby. Feel like if I have a good day or night the next 3 have to be horrible.

So frustrated

[Bex09]

That is great news that you had such a good night, pity your day wasn't so good. I would keep the DF at maybe 11pm then and see if it works again.

To me the fact that your routine is usually good and that your LO is waking so frequently would really suggest discomfort of some sort to me. Have you actually had a diagnosis of reflux and any medication given for it? Does he seem to be in pain when he wakes, any back arching or bringing his knees up to his tummy?