19 weeks and things have been slowly going downhill!

[BKU Mommy]

Hello.  DD is 19.5 weeks and I'm at one of those points where I'm really at a loss of what to do, not to mention losing patience as well. 

She use to go down drowsy, but totally awake without a problem.  She is closer to sleeping and sometimes is in fact asleep when I put her down most of the time.  If she's not, she cries or fusses once she's been put down.  Now she's really clingy and wants to be held and nursed a lot.  Even Daddy can't comfort her like he use to.  She wants mommy all the time...cute, but not practical.  Also, her nights went downhill almost two months ago.  She use to sleep 7-9 hours straight with no DF waking only once, sometimes twice to nurse.  We've been dealing with 30-45 minute (mostly the later) naps since she was 6 or 7 weeks old.  I have not had any success in extending them, but I can't always try either.  She is my third.  I have a 4 year old who is in school three days a week and a 2.5 year old.  I can't spend 20-40 minutes with her trying to get her back to sleep unless the other two are napping.  At that point I can give her the pacifier and sometimes get her to sleep for 2-2.5 hours. 

Enough rambling.  Here is what a day might look for us, although it seems to always be changing. 

Wake for the day between 6/6:30
E - 7
A
S - 8:00 for 45 minutes
A -
E - 10:15
S - 10:30 for 45 minutes
A
E - 1:15
S - 1:25 for 45 minutes, sometimes able to extend with reinserting pacifier once or twice.  Will the sleep up to 2.5 hours and         sometimes I need to wake her.
E - 4:30
A - bath usually every other night when I'm not bathing her two big brothers
E - 6:00
S - 6:15.  She use to sleep for at least 5 hours, but for the past several weeks, she now wakes at the 45 minute mark after being put to bed.  I give her back the pacifier 1-3 times and she sleeps until 12-2.
E - 12-2
E - 4:45
W - 5:45-6:30 and start all over again.

Where do I begin?  What do I tackle first?  Do I get rid of the pacifier?  She's my first child that has used one, so I'm a newbie with it.  She only gets it at sleep times or in the car.  We don't drive much.  Maybe a few times per week.  Around 2 months I used sshh/pat and it went pretty well.  I've used it here and there on really rough days.  Is she too old for that?  Do I go to PU/PD?  I do still swaddle her.  She tries to break out at night (we use a miracle blanket) But it really calms her down when she's fussy and it also signals her it's time for bed I think. 

I'll stop here and see what kind of wisdom you're willing to share with me.  Many thanks in advance for your time. 

Caryn

[Kiwi_one]

Don't panic just yet. It might be a couple of simple things that don't require sleep training

Around 4 months there tends to be a BIG growth spurt so that may be to blame for the increase in feedings and fussiness. Trying to keep the feeds stretched out with a 4hr EASY the ideal tends to help things get back on track quicker in the feeding department. If bub has been on a 4hr EASY and then (after ruling out being in a GS) they stop being able to manage 4 hours and start eating a lot overnight, it may be a sign that you need to start solids (an unpopular idea, perhaps, but both my girls needed to start at 4 months).

It's very common to get into that 45min nap spin as it's a developmental thing many babies have to get through. Between 4 and 6 months somewhere, most babies will grow out of it, or can be helped to master cycle transitions with wake-to-sleep or hold-through-the-jolts. Having a great routine is vital for longer naps, too, as OT and UT will cause shortened naps and UT ones, esp, are hard to extend.

Does she wake happy from her naps? If so, under-tiredness may be contributing to the short naps, as 45min is a classic sign of UT. OT naps are often shorter, 30-35 minutes, and they wake unhappy. Fussing when put to bed can also be a sign that there's a minor routine issue going on.

For some babies dummies never become a prop but can be a very comforting settling tool. Some signs that it's become a prop are that bub will keep hold of it rather than spitting it out once asleep, and will wake every time it falls out and multiple times overnight for it. Does that sound familiar or do you suspect that it's more likely a hunger or routine issue?

[BKU Mommy]

Thank you for your reply.  I've made some big changes, and here is where we are today.

Sunday I took away her pacifier.  There definitely was some crying at sleep times and we never settled for the catnap.  I think that all the crying was not completely due to the pacifier being taken away.  I think it was that she was also being put down much more awake.  Regardless, here is what the past few days have looked like...

wake 6:15
E 7:30
A
S 8:15-8:55 then I was able to shh/pat her back to sleep.  slept until 10:30.
A
E 11:15
A
S 12:35, woke at 40 minutes, used shh/pat and she slept until 3.
E 3:00
A
S 6:00 for the night.  I had to leave her with a sitter and she attempted a cat nap but quickly gave up.  She woke just before 7 and shh/pat was NOT working.  I kept at it and refused to pick her up.  (was this right?)  She cried the better part of the next hour even though I was with her shh/patting and I tried singing as well.  Back to sleep around 8.
E 1:45
E 5:30
Wake 6:10

Next day...
as stated above, woke at 6:10
A
E 8:30
A
S 8:35 for 35 minutes.  I tried extending and she only slept for another 10 minutes.
A
S 10:55 for 35 minutes, no extension due to older siblings.
A
E 12:45
S 1:05 slept 40 minutes and extended with a long time of shh/pat to make sure she was asleep.  maybe 30 mins?
slept until 2:45
A
E 4:15
S 4:30 tried for a catnap.  She seemed tired but I wasn't able to get her to sleep until 5:10.  Slept 40 minutes.
A
E 7
asleep at 7:30, but she was really fighting going to sleep.  Not really crying, just fidgety and not very calm.
Woke at 7:45 but self settled in about 2 minutes.
E 1:15
E 3:45 (I tried sshh/pat but wasn't working and I was exhausted)
E 5:45 guilty...wanted to get her back to sleep.
up for the day at 6:45

brings us to today.
6:45 wake
A
E 8:30
S 8:55 again took a long time to get her to drowsy but awake although she was yawning.  she was licking my shoulder a lot....maybe looking for something in her mouth?

Any advice on where to go from her is VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!  

Thank you!



E
S

[BKU Mommy]

quick update.  she woke at the 30 minute mark just after i hit reply.  i tried shh/pat for 20 minutes with no luck.  she cried really hard the whole time.  was looking to nurse when i did pick her up. now what?  do i leave a hand out of the swaddle for her to suck?  she doesn't do much of that outside the swaddle, at least not for comfort.  i'm afraid the hand will keep her up and be too many changes at once?

i'm fading fast!  all this hard work for the past 4 days and no real change.  i'm beginning to lose hope.

[Kiwi_one]

If there's one thing I've learned about baby whispering, it's that most of it is in the assessment and planning and much less in the execution. It really is vital to have a game plan first rather than rush into trying to "fix" everything. I think first thing's first; you need to stand back and take a good look at what's going on

As I mentioned last time, a lot of "sleep" problems are actually routine problems so while it's great to try to tackle props (assuming the dummy actually was a prop and not just a comfort item for her), you won't get far unless the routine is also good. Hang in there, but it may take a little longer because it sounds as though you need to work out your A times.

In your first post, it looks like the amount of time she was up for was 1:30-1:45, except before bed where it was more 2:15, and she was feeding every 3-3:15. Is that right? Then when you started training, you suddenly jumped to longer awake times (2:05-2:25, and 3hr before bed) and longer stretches between feeds. It tends to be better to extend times gradually to allow them time to adapt, although if she'll happily go 4 hours between feeds that's good You do seem to have gotten into the habit of feeding her very shortly before her nap, though, which isn't ideal as they need to learn to separate eating and sleeping. I would try giving her a smaller feed when she wakes around 5am so that she takes a more full feed first thing in the day. That'll set your EAS pattern straight, which may help a lot.

30-35 minute naps are generally an indication of overtiredness, especially when coupled with crying hard and waking soon after going to sleep or getting back to sleep. So the jump in A time seems to have made her OT. It looks like you need to pare back the A times a bit, try it for a few days (very important, as most babies won't respond immediately), and then see whether you need to bring them back more or extend them gently. It may take a week or so to figure out more precisely how much time she needs; about 2 hours is the average at her age.

So, putting that all together, your day would look more like this:

Wake 6:15
E 7:30
A
S 8:15-10:15

A 10:15
E 11:30
A
S 12:15-2:15

A 2:15
E 3:30
A
S 4:15-5

A 5:00
E 6:45 (a little less than 4 hours in order to get it in before bed)
A
S 7:15

How does that look? Has it given you any ideas?

Re: your question about picking up, at this age you can be using PUPD. If she's crying hard and not quickly responding to just shh/pat, you would pick her up until she stops crying, but no longer than a few minutes so she doesn't think she's going to sleep in your arms. If she shows signs of wanting to settle herself in the cot (like fighting you by arching, or trying to suck a fist or rub her head on the mattress), you would leave her in the cot or put her down. So PUPD doesn't replace shh/pat, it's more of an add-on for older babies, if they need it. There's a more full explanation here: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=208990.0.