any mums of kids just obsessed with sweet stuff??? Need help!

[*Becky*]

Henry is obsessed with sweet foods i.e. cakes, chocolate etc. I am not sure where i went wrong as we have never banned it but we have also never given it much at all. Now he is getting older he knows about it of course and just...uggh!

I find him to be a very picky eater anyway which is my main issue with it. A cake or a small piece of chocolate as part of a bigger balanced diet is not a problem IMO but it is the constant going on about it that is really doing me in.

Today for example we had lunch. I offered him french toast for a change and he said yes. Then refused to even try it. He did get himself a banana but then wanted to make chocolate nests (I had seen them in a magazine and we do lots of baking together) I said he could not until he had had lunch. He picked at a cheese sandwich....it is just an example.

Do you just ban it??? I hate to do that but I am over negotiating and actually I would feel quite mean in some ways. I wish he could just not obsess over it.

[Diana1981]

Hugs! DS1 is exactly like that. Ever since he tasted chocolate and French fries thanks to my mother it has become so hard to feed him. He is a very picky eater! And when he doesn't want to eat lunch which is basically the meal I struggle with I pretty much hide the things he likes. I tell him he needs to eat his lunch first and then he can have a dessert. He usually comes around after a while but if he makes a tantrum I remove him from the dining room and put him in a corner until he stops crying.  He is almost 5 and just now he is starting to eat other things.

[Mashi]

We don't ban things, and we don't go overboard. Treats are a part of our life.  But also, I have no problem with my DS asking for them. I don't think it makes him obsessed with them - he is just asking because he needs to know what the lines are. And I see it that you can say a thousand times 'you can only eat x after x' or set limits but that does not mean he is not going to ask anyway just to see if the rule has changed! I liken it to the same as when he was 13 months old and just wanted to stick his fingers in the light sockets.....just because he wanted to did not mean I was going to let him, but just because I had told him 400 times did not mean that he would still not try the 401st time!!

So for me I have no problem with DS asking. He can ask a thousand times and while it does not mean I will not get exasperated and annoyed (and tell him as much) I also don't think it makes him obsessed in a bad way, it just makes him a kid!! 

[*Becky*]

But Mashi, you see i disagree on that. I see many other kids his age who do not act the way he does. For example we were out with a friend the other day and she had a variety of foods in her lunchbox. The girl was just as happy to eat the apple and orange as she was the chocolate bar and that is where DS is so different and both DH and i commented on it. We would not take the chocolate as he would go on and on and on and then even after he had it he would go on about more and totally ignore anything else to eat...

I guess if that is normal then ok but it does not seem to be the way with other kids i see.

[Mashi]

I am sure there ARE a lot of kids who don't complain or ask. But I also think there were a lot of 12 month olds who did not want to spend the day emptying the tupperware cupboard or sticking their fingers in light sockets or pressing the open/close button the DVD player all day endlessly    Just because 'some kids' are not complainers or pesty with asking, does not mean that it is abnormal or wrong.  Some kids like brussels spouts and will eat them happily, others won't.

I just personally don't see food/treat as any different than other things- you set your limits and stick to them and accept that he will probably not be happy about them. But you decide to either stick with it and deal with his tantrums until he gets past it no matter how long it takes, or you move the limit.

[We Three]

We use the term "sometimes food"...like, literally, we have it sometimes. Everything else is an every day food. My dd at age 5 will ask me, "Can I have a snack? And I mean a SOMETIMES snack!"    But then to her, a dollop of whipped cream on a bowl full of bluberries and strawberries is heaven...and I'm good with that.  We also make banana muffins, carrot/pumpkin muffins and while she sees them as a sometimes food, the fact is they are really wholesome...(we add ground flax seed, and use whole wheat flour, add a bit of wheat germ as well!)  If you guys bake alot...maybe you can alter some recipes so that when he does ask, you feel better giving it, because it is heartier than chocolate or cake?

I agree with Mashi in that you can't stop him from asking per se, but he will realize soon enough that once you say no, that is it.  Perhaps it would be good to steer him to a definite time where he can have that "treat"...like "We can have that after Sunday dinner".  I am not sure what to advise on the fact that he will then not eat any of his other foods....that's a tough one.  

[Mum-of-Two]

I find my kids go through phases of sorts -- especially my spirited 3 year old -- where he won't eat anything without something sweet on his plate, even the promise of desert doesn't help, he wants it on his plate.

My strategy is to not buy the stuff for awhile so its just not available.  "Well, LO, we are out of that until Mommy gets to the store again, I'm sorry" -- yeah, it might be a cop out way of doing it but the old theory of "if you don't buy it, you won't eat it" works with kids too.  The first 3 days might be a struggle but I found the more I push the worse it gets.  Eventually, he gets hungry and will sit down to a solid meal with us as if it was his idea and we're back to a better "phase".

So I guess instead of me saying "not until you eat lunch" (which, honestly I still say quite often but it rarely works anymore -- oddly it worked when he was 2 and works with the 6 year old just fine) -- I will switch it around and say "OK, we don't have what we need to make that today, lets put a shopping list together" and then not really mention lunch at all, I just will put it in front of him.

Snacks, my best results is not asking what the kids want.  I just disappear into the kitchen and come out with two plates of snack food -- a fruit, a gram cracker, cheese -- put it on trays we bought them and quite often they'll just go eat it -- no discussion -- its amazing!  LOL

Good luck!!!

[Lemonthyme]

My son isn't as old as yours, only 21 months so I can control what he eats more but we don't have a lot of things in the house tbh.  I'm sure the pester power age will come mind. 

I do give desserts but most have no added sugar or very little added sugar.  http://mamacook.blogspot.com/search/label/Pudding%20Recipes%20for%20Babies%20or%20Toddlers

That said, once a week we go out for a cup of coffee (for me) and share a piece of cake in a cafe so he does get it sometimes.

Personally I think it's ok to give some and ok to say "no" but I don't think it's a good idea to make dessert conditional on main course.  It's difficult but in my head it just seems like it becomes more of the aim.

Again, easier when he's my son's age but I tend to give choices where I'm happy with every outcome, e.g. banana, apple or jelly (which is just made with unsweetened fruit juice and gelatine).  Jelly becomes the "treat" but actually it's pretty healthy and I'm happy for him to eat it.

[Shiv52]

{{{{hugs Becky}}}}

The girl was just as happy to eat the apple and orange as she was the chocolate bar and that is where DS is so different and both DH and i commented on it

TBH I think at 3 that is a bit weird!   And would think your DS is more 'normal' than the little girl.   At 3YO M totally would know and prefer a bar of chocolate over an orange.  As would any of her wee chums.   I couldn't put M's chocolate treat in with her lunch or she'd scoff it first and not eat the rest. 

How often does he get a treat type food?  Maybe he needs a set rule? 

We don't do a set rule but we do talk about how our body  needs healthy food to grow and be strong.   And we are at a stage of talking about healthy vs less healthy foods and while I don't say 'eat dinner then treat' M does know that if she doesn't eat healthy foods in the day and then asks for junk the answer will be no. 

I do think if its got to the stage where he is obsessive about it I would just not buy it for a while until he is over it as it ends the negotiation.  You just don't have it in the house and the answer is just 'sorry we don't have any'.  Then you can introduce it again in a few weeks and see how he copes. 

[skatty]

Leorah was older when we started but we made a "sweets day" and that is Saturday and if she asks for anything like that i ask her what day it is ( a 3yo probably doesn't know that but a Saturday is when noone goes to work or nursery) and she accepts it. If it was possible I am sure my dd would eat sweets all day everyday  My dd is good at eating lots of foods though and will try anything, if she was fussy I would cut the treats out completely until she started eating a balanced diet.

[koe2moe]

I learned recently from two moms who has set a set time for sweets with choices and fixed amount.  One sets 3:30, when they come home from school the sweet treat time.  That is it for the day.  The other one sets one treat for the day and the two kids can choose when they have it, be it before dinner, after dinner, snack time or whatever. If they finish them early, then they have to wait for the next day.

I am sure it will be hard to establish it at the beginning.  Perhaps it is something that you can consider.  Their kids are much older now, more school age. 

[*Becky*]

he was allowed a treat food today as we have been doing a reward chart for his PT and as some of you know it has been horrendous so we ended up following the doctors advice which was to do this. For every poo on the potty he is allowed 1 mini egg. It has worked for 2 weeks amazingly so I have to be careful how far I knock the sweet thing

So today was his treat for the week...he gets a treat for every poo and then a treat at the end of the week. Last week it was a toy and this week I said he could choose a treat from the supermarket and he chose a small chocolate lolly. I am fine with that, I guess I was annoyed when we got home that he was so picky over lunch and then wanted something we had baked too....but yes he is 3 and that is probably only natural.

If I look at what he ate today everything apart from the lolly and the nest we baked was healthy, I guess I struggle with what and when yk so I probably do need a set rule. To me something every day would be way too much but only because he does not eat enough veg etc as it is. Not sure really, maybe we do need to have a treat day i.e. sunday and he can choose something. When we were kids we had sunday sweets day but he is not allowed sweets. We could do a cake or chocolate though I guess.

[*Becky*]

But then to her, a dollop of whipped cream on a bowl full of bluberries and strawberries is heaven..

oh...and this depresses me but I have hopes for M!!!

[koe2moe]

i think to expect H to be able to wait till the end of lunch to have his treat is expecting a bit too much.  I normally let DS have it first and then he is satisfied and can eat his food.  He can eat one bite of cookie and one bite of sausage, so that is only just him!   

DS also asked about 50 times yesterday for a caramel wafel when dinner was at the table because he had one at the market and i let him have one at lunch.  Both DH and I just said, no more for today, tomorrow you can have one.  We just went ahead with our dinner.  10mins later, DS suddenly came to his seat and ate some dinner!  He hasnt mentioned anything about the wafels today!  We were calm and we didnt negotiate nor make a condition, just simply say no. 

If he is getting chocolates already, Just try to simply say no.  When he is fully PT'ed, then i am sure he would complain about not getting treats and then you can start the treat rule. 

[We Three]

 ^^ My dd adores fruit...esp berries.  But if your ds doesn't, try the whipped cream on top! You never know!  Also, when my dd has ice cream she always wants fruit on top...so a scoop of vanilla with raspberries on top and "crunchies" (which is a sprinkle of wheat germ)  makes me feel better about the ice cream!