Resisting naps, overtired baby. Help!

[MakingMischief]

Hi all!

My son is only about a week old, so I know a lot of things will come with experience and as I get to know him better. But in the meantime, any advice is appreciated!

We seem stuck in a cycle where he stays up too long during the day and then gets overtired and fussy. I know he should only really be up for about an hour at a time, but apparently no one has told him that because he's typically awake for 1.5 to 2 hours, sometimes longer.

Here's today so far:

Awake:7:10ish
Activity: (he woke up with a dirty diaper so I went ahead and changed him): 7:10-7:15
Eat: 7:15-7:55 BF
Activity: I immediately started to try and wind him down, but wasn't exactly successful. At first, he just wanted to be awake, it seemed -- I had him swaddled and was holding him against my chest to settle him down but he just wanted to tip his head back and look up at me. Then he had another dirty diaper, then he got the hiccups which kept him awake. Then he started getting fussy, squirming against his swaddle, whining and groaning, and rubbing his face on my shoulder. I finally got him calmed and in his crib, and he seemed to drift off around 9:10. But...
Awake: He woke up 20 minutes later, and most of his nap seemed kind of fitful. He kept grunting and squirming, then he'd settle down and seem to drift off for a couple minutes, then awake again. I tried shh-pat on him, but he wouldn't quite fall asleep.
Eat: By 9:50 I went ahead and fed him again, another 40 min BF.
Activity: Repeat cycle. My husband and I have been trading off trying to get him to settle down -- sitting quietly, doing shh-pat, etc. Again, at first he was calm but just wouldn't close those eyes. Now he's overtired and fussy (my husband's in the other room with him right now and I can hear the little guy crying).

Right now it's 11:30, almost 2 hours since his last feed and more than 4 hours since he woke up, and he hasn't taken a real nap all morning! Is this normal? How to get him down for a nap? I can see the transition for him -- one minute he's content, but awake, then he starts yawning, and soon he's fussing and squirming and fighting sleep. But the transition all occurs while we're trying to wind him down, so I'm not sure how to make sure he gets to sleep before he becomes overtired.

Is this normal? The past couple days I feel like I spend all day trying to get my baby to sleep, to say nothing of the night time. It's nerve-wracking sitting there patting, patting, patting, thinking he's finally settling down to sleep and then seeing him start squirming and throwing his head around again. And because he gets so squirmy, he keeps getting out of his swaddle so I have to swaddle him up again, which he hates (he's OK once the swaddle is on but the actual wrapping makes him mad) and it starts the cycle all over...

Help?

[creations]

Oh big (((hugs))) to you.
It's exhausting in those first couple of weeks.

The past couple days I feel like I spend all day trying to get my baby to sleep

In my experience (I am also a first time mum, LO is 14 months now) this is totally normal!  DP and I were like a pair of tiny worn out birds with a cuckoo in our nest.  We did nothing but feed, change, try to get DS to sleep, then when he went to sleep we would take a few deep breaths (maybe nip to the toilet or have a cup of tea if we had time!) and the whole process started again!
TBH we seemed to camp out in the living room for the first few weeks, even moving DS's clothes down there, the whole nappy changing kit, everything.
It really is hard work, as adorable as newborns are they need a LOT of time and attention.

I know you want to get the EASY routine going right from the off, and that's great, but do try not to give yourself a hard time over it.  If baby sleeps better on you or next to you for naps (whilst you are awake) then this can be the best way for you and DH to get a bit of peace and relaxation.

I used Dr Harvey Karps '4 S' (swaddle shush side sway) in the early days.  Although Tracy recommended against any rocking (and in the 4 S there is a 'sway') on the whole it is very complimentary to Tracy's BW approach and the method appears to work like magic to get baby off to sleep.  AS your LO grows you can reduce the sway and replace with pat or work with a combination of both...many people find success adapting the BW methods to what suits them and their LOs.
There are some videos on this method if you look on-line (if you have time!), for me I found it worked particularly well with a brand new baby.  The 'side' is supposed to be the baby's left side which helps with gas and reflux but I didn't realise that at the time and held him swaddled on his right side instead, it still worked though. I don't know about his methods or approach beyond this though as I haven't read any of his books and I followed Tracy's EASY routine.

You might also find a sling or wrap helpful in the early weeks as baby is likely to sleep well there feeling really close and snuggled up with you or DH.  It does mean you are 'stuck' with a baby on you, but can at least move around and be hands free, and baby gets a sleep which helps you to relax some too.

xx

[Mrs Coops]

Hi, congratulations on your new baby and welcome to BW!

I remember when DD was born spending every waking moment trying to get her to sleep, screaming battles ensued and I never seemed to have a minute to myself, it got so bad I would eat microwaved spaghetti hoops out of a jug while breast feeding!

When he feeds does he come off the breast himself satisfied? I discovered (by accident) that DD would feed on waking and feed again half hour after she'd finished that! So maybe when he's squirming around and rubbing his face try and feed him again! If he falls asleep this time take it and hope he has a longer nap!

I avoided feeding to sleep at all costs with DD. much to my annoyance a midwife said to me 'just feed her to sleep' I was horrified as that's bad right? Well DD was rubbish at independent sleep and took a lot of work! DS came along and if he do much as whimpered I stuck a boob in his face, he's the best independent sleeper in the world!

Enjoy him while he's tiny, he'll grow far too fast and these newborn snuggles are precious! Let him snooze on your chest if needed, I spent hours asleep with DS in my arms! A routine will develop with time.

[creations]

it got so bad I would eat microwaved spaghetti hoops out of a jug while breast feeding!

It sounds funny when looking back doesn't it?  But not funny at the time when you're exhausted and can't see there will be any improvement.
I spent every breast feed crying my eyes out and trying not to let DS know how much agony I was in.  When I couldn't face breast feeding I expressed, desperately hoping I could give him some of the good stuff alongside the formula which i had never intended using.
We all have plans, ideas, expectations...when it comes to it though you do what you have to do to get by, give baby the best you can whilst also taking care of yourself too.  I never quite understood the 'sleep when they sleep' advice because any time I got DS to sleep I HAD to use that time to eat, drink, wee and if there was enough time brush my teeth.  I distinctly remember a few days it was 4pm before my teeth got brushed and my face washed!
It does get better though
Under 10 weeks my little guy was independent sleeping (I can't remember exactly when it happened as it seemed like a gradual process) and we had a good little routine going on.

With regards to feeding to sleep, my DS did feed to sleep at times during the first 4 weeks, my mum actively encouraged it, I didn't really think anything of it other than trying to keep him awake long enough to get a good feed.  I read a BW book when he was 4 weeks old and that was when I thought it would be good to introduce a little A time between feeding and sleeping.  It worked well for us.

[Mrs Coops]

Oh I remember the pain, the blood curdling pain as DD latched on to my bleeding infected nipples and I got the taste of blood in my mouth! OUCH, I still wonder how I got through it, but I did! We suffer a lot for our LO's and then look back and think 'how the hell did I do it?'

[MakingMischief]

Thanks again, both of you!

Good to know this is normal. I just wanted to be sure -- you read in a book that after a certain amount of time to put the baby down for a nap, and it sounds so simple! I appreciate the reassurance first that it's normal, and also that it's OK to focus on just getting him to sleep rather than follow all the rules.

Today I've been letting him fall asleep on me after I feed him and he's been a great napper. At one feeding, he rolled off the breast, and I propped him up on my lap to burp him. He let out a big belch... and flopped onto my chest, sound asleep. Stayed that way for an hour and a half (I snuck in a nap, too  ). I'm hoping he's catching up on sleep so he won't be so overtired and fussy.

Your breastfeeding challenges sound familiar. I fully intended to exclusively breastfeed (breast and expressed milk) for at least the first few months, although I was always open to supplementing with formula. But we got off to a rough start -- I came out of the OR after my C-section sort of dopey from medication and with my whole body somewhat numb, and Colin had a bruise on his lower lip when he was delivered (he was stuck, hence the C-section). He wasn't latching correctly, and I was too medicated to feel it, so by the time the pain meds wore off my nipples were bruised, blistered and bleeding. I ended up only breastfeeding for 10 minutes at a time before topping him off with formula, then only 5 minutes, then when he started cluster feeding that night and eating every hour and a half, I surrendered and let them just give him formula. I was a little sad seeing him consume all that formula, but he ate SO MUCH that night there was no way I could have done it.

As soon as I healed and my milk came in I resumed breastfeeding, but honestly, it's pretty nice that my husband can give him a bottle of formula now and then for a couple of the nightly feedings. He's about 80% breastfed now.

[creations]

Stayed that way for an hour and a half (I snuck in a nap, too  Grin)

A gentle reminder that sleeping with LO on you can be a SIDS risk.
Believe me I KNOW how tempting it is when you're exhausted and when you've just got LO to sleep and dare not move him.  Maybe if your DH is around you can ask him to keep an eye on you both.
I remember a couple of times at night when trying to get DS back off to sleep and I got to the point I felt I couldn't stay standing up any longer so sat up in bed to sooth him.  DP kept a watchful eye, once DS was asleep if I started to nod off DP would give me a little reminder to put him back in his own bed.  I think this really helped us not to get drawn into keeping DS on us all night too so he got used to being in his own bed.

I can also remember times I was like a contortionist, gently laying DS down on a blanket on the floor after he had fallen asleep on me for a nap, but doing it in such a way that I kept my body touching him, almost laying on top of him (but no weight on him if that makes sense) so I could slowly put him down without him noticing! I remember telling DP not to trip over the baby as I hadn't managed to get him in his travel cot so he was sleeping on the floor!

I think when you've read the books and know the 'rules' you always have half an eye towards good habits and routine even if you don't follow everything to the letter.  You need time to recover yourself after a c-section, and time to become acquainted with your new little baby and the new dynamic of family life too.  It's a big time of change and so many new things to get to grips with.

You can be sure there will always be mums here ready to offer support when you need it xx

[Mrs Coops]

When they're so so small they just want cuddles, after all your heart beat and warmth is what he knows best!

I spent quite a few naps with J on my chest! I would doze off occasionally propped up by pillows. I know about the SIDS risk, but it's not like you're having a two hour nap!

For most of his naps I would put J in his bouncy chair. I would handle him as much as possible while sleepy so he got used to it!

Well done for getting through your breast feeding issues. Any breast milk is good, you're doing a great job.
 You'll be surprised what your body can do though. It just takes some pretty fierce growth spurts to help things along!

Enjoy him while he's tiny, I miss those newborn days!