nearly 9 months in and I dont think I can do this anymore

[*Ali*]

 

Another thing is the whole BW thing. It is most important to keep all safe, rather than anything else. So if it means Crying out, so be it.

Kate what do you mean by crying out? If you're referring to crying it out then I can assure you that leaving a 9mo to CIO alone, especially when he is probably in pain, will break the bond of trust and make any separation anxiety (which is a perfectly normal developmental phase that most LOs go through) much worse and not help crying when the parent leaves the room. It will certainly not make him any happier not to mention the physical damage the stress hormone does to brain development. And I don't think mama or older brother would get any sleep during such heartbreaking crying anyway. Apologies if I have misunderstood you. Perhaps you could clarify if that is the case.

[katyusha]

Ali, no, you did not. Better break the bond of trust than actually phisically hurt a baby! If you ever called any helpline you would know that in case of such intense emotions the main thing is to keep safe. What this lady is saying is that she has had enough. Not a little bit enough, but a lot. She does not mention like there is a lot of help coming from outside sources and in the meantime she needs to gather her own strength. Obviously crying out is not good for the child, but sometimes it is a case of picking the least bad.
If this means that somehow I abandoned all BW principles in the eyes of everyone, than so be it.
In the meantime the medical help is needed for reflux or whatever else.
If it is a separation anxiety, I would have imagined the child to be calming down when the mum is there. But he is not. My DD had SA and she was fine provided she slept in my arms and was carried everywhere. Still cranky at times but mostly fine if I did those things. Avery seems to say that even then the child is not settled.
As for the night times, obviously getting a nanny would have been better, or a night nanny like I did for my second LO. I stil woke up for feeds and for my first but I did not have to do the shushbpat on those days. But if she can't and needs to still be concious enough during the days and nights then I really think some ideas need adjusting.

[*Ali*]

Ok so I agree that it is best to leave the room in an instant to calm down and avoid hurting a child. Yes of course that is preferable to doing any harm. But that should be immediately followed up with requesting help from friends, family or professional services not used for anything more than short term as a strategy to avoid sleep training which is what I thought you were suggesting. I don't think this has to mean abandoning BW principles at all. Even Tracy says to step outside the room to calm yourself if needbe.

The SA I was referring to was in an earlier post where the OP said that LO cried every time she left the room.

Avery have you requested any help and explained to your family that you are at breaking point? Didn't you say he settled well for your MIL? Maybe she could help more if she knew how dire the situation has become.

[katyusha]

My point exactly, Ali. This is the time to get help in any form and to have zero guilt or hesitation in asking.
Praying for you!

[*Ali*]

My point exactly, Ali. This is the time to get help in any form and to have zero guilt or hesitation in asking.

Great so we're on the same page glad we got that cleared up. I was just worried OP or others reading it might misunderstand as I had that we were talking about using actual CIO to solve the nw issue.

[Avery3]

ok, the only reason I ever walk away to leave my son to cry is if Im having those thoughts and feelings. otherwise no CIO.

My family know Im at breaking point. Ive also talked to my dad about his reflux and the pain and he still doesnt get it. however i have sent a message to my dr, ive increased the meds according to his weight and today has been really really good. I went out for the morning with DS1 and MIL babysat DS2 so that probably helped but for 2 hours he played by himself this evening, with little bits of me and DS1 coming along and having a bit of a play here and there with him.

Im giving the meds a bit of time to kick in for now and just letting be what will be. I went out last night and my dad babysat and he got all upset about how DS2 woke twice before I got home and said that the noise was aggravating and annoying in his ears and I said "well how do you think it feels for me when its 6 or 7 times a night every single night?" and he said "yes but you are the mother......" as if to say it aggravates him more because hes not the parent of the child???

so thats as about as much compassion as I can get from him.

[Khalam's Mama]

Ah poor ds2, that is the only noise he can make. Glad the meds seem to be helping. Have you tried ear plugs during the nw? I find it takes the edge off the stress than listening at full volume. I also find it helps to imagine what ds might be saying when he cries, like mama it hurts, or mama I'm lonely etc.just make sure you get as much rest as you can, forget the house and get in survival mode.

[*Ali*]

I know your dad isn't being helpful from what you've said but what about your mum and your MIL?

I hope the Dr can be of help to you guys.

[katyusha]

Glad you could steal a couple of hours away for yourself last night! Please focus on that part and not on your father's words.  Some people always grumble so as my Mum puts it, be grateful to receive the help but don't expect everyone to be smiling and happy about it. It hurts of cause and it is a shame that you could not get more support, but like KM said, survival mode. Are there any friends to lean on? Is there anyone who could help out temporarily, like say someone from the DSs nursery? Also, I think ou mentioned DS2 going to nursery. Are you back at work? If so, is there any chance of taking some time off to rest?