please can someone help? What am i doing wrong??
You're not doing anything wrong, I think he's in an UT/OT loop and it's much harder to settle an OT baby in the late afternoon. You said that he gets tired around 1 hr 50 min, but the first A today was only 1 hr 30 min. He gave an hour nap, so likely he was a bit UT for that one. Then, the next A time as 2 hr 20 min, way too long after just an hour nap, so he woke and you resettled (which is great, btw). It still wasn't a full nap, though, so the next 2 hr A time was likely a bit much again and he just ended up fighting you. It's happened here many a time.
I'd really try to work on getting him to at least 1 hr 45 A in the morning. If he gives a short nap, watch him closely as you may need to cut back the next A. It's different for all babies, but my general rule of thumb is, if the nap is 45 min or shorter, cut the next A by 30 min; if the nap is more like 1-1:20, cut by 10-15 min.
Which is most important- feeding or sleeping on the routine- wondered if hungry amd that why wouldnt go back down- but ate poorly when offered! Overtired?? Should i try 3hr easy at end of day and reduce his waking time that way??
At this age and with his history, I'd say feeding is more important. Tracy advises to only try and extend a nap until the next feeding time, and actually with two kids, I only ever try for 15-20 min now. For the initial PUPD, you try for 45 min, take a break and then go try again. I don't know why he would be feeding poorly, do you think he's feeling ok? And yes, you can go down to a 3 hr EASY near the end of the day, it's kind of like I described above with reducing the A times.
This is tough work, I'm sorry you've both been miserable. Take him out for a walk in the stroller in the afternoon if you have another really tough day. He might just drop off for a bit and the fresh air helps everyone. (((Hugs)))
