Pat Shhhh Question

[Papa Smurf]

Our son is 4.5 months and is getting to the point where he falls asleep in the cot on his side while we pat his back.  We then gently roll him onto his back once he is in a deeper sleep and he continues to sleep on his back (he is still swaddled because his arems go all over the place if not swaddled).  The problem we have is that when he wakes up, whether it is 45 minutes later or 3 hours later, is that he can't fall back to sleep on his own since he is no longer on his side.  Most of the time if we go to him and put him on his side and pat he is able to fall back to sleep. If we let him try to go back to sleep on his own it elevates to a scream where he can't calm down in his crib so we have to hold him and then start the process over again.  He is waking up at night every 1-2 hours, so that is a lot of time patting and we are getting pretty frustrated from a lack of sleep.  I'm having a hard time understanding how to get past this point such that he is able to fall asleep on his own. Seems like we have just added a prop that requires me to pat him every hour.  Could someone help me understand how to move forward with indep sleep?  Thank you

[Chicane]

Hey Papa Smurf,

You can just leave him to sleep on his side. Some one somewhere has probably told you that all babies should sleep on their backs...but at 4.5 months if he's a side sleeper then he will probably be a side sleeper for a long time to come. And even though it may seem you have prop its not actually the case. The fact that he is falling asleep in his cot it a huge bonus. You could start to decrease the amount of time you spend patting and just sit/stand next to the cot, eventually start to decrease the time you are in the room...its a process but to be honest I think you're not in such a bad place right now.

As far as the 45 min nap and the 1-2 hour wakings in the night this could be a routine thing. Check out the samples here http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164253.0
and the info here http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=186622.0

You may be better off posting up a sample of your routine on the EASY board for people to see if there is some tweaking that can be done to help you with nights.

hope this helps a bit

with love xo

[Papa Smurf]

Thank you for the reply.  I know that the 45 minute naps and frequent waking at night can be as a result of overtired, but I was also under the impression that at night he is really just waking up at the end of each sleep cycle but is unable to go back to sleep on his own.  I've read about the 4 month sleep regression and think that is playing a part too.  A week ago we returned from almost 3 weeks in the US, so we have been trying to get him back on schedule.  He has never been good sleeper though.  He was sleeping ok around 3 months and we thought we were making good progress (going to sleep at 7, waking at 10:30, then again at 3 and for good at 7).  He isn't getting those 3+hour stretches anymore.  I would have to get my wife to post his exact routine, but she does try to stick to it, although it can vary each day.  Bedtime is at the same time each night though.

Regarding sleeping on his side, if he is swaddled couldn't he roll over on his stomach and be stuck?  We have tried unswaddling, but seems like his arm movements keep him from being able to sleep as they are so active.  

I should also clarify that when I say he can fall asleep on his own in the cot, that is mostly after A LOT of work on our part.  He pretty much fights it every time. 

[*Ali*]

Just like tummy sleeping side sleeping carries an increased risk of SIDS. Some babies do prefer to sleep on their tummies or sides. Whilst some parents may choose to sleep their babies on their tummies or side, the current guidelines from most professionals are to place all babies under the age of 12 months on their back to sleep, and return babies to their back to sleep should they roll over if they are under the age of 6 months and/or unable to roll well both ways. Back sleeping has been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS (aka cot death) significantly, even in those babies who can roll and/or lift their head. Please discuss which position may be acceptable for your baby with an appropriate medical professional in your own area before acting on any advice given by BW members regarding this. For added reassurance for parents of tummy sleepers, there are monitors that alarm if breathing or motion are not detected, however these have not been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS.
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=227529.0

I would definitely wean the swaddle if you decide to sleep your baby on his side as there is a real danger of suffocation should he roll onto his front and be unable to roll off.

[Smurfette]

Hi fellow Smurf 

I think that if you are patting your son all the way to sleep each night, then yes, you're right, it is becoming a prop and that's why he's waking every few hours or every few sleep cycles. Once he comes out of a sleep cycle he needs you or your wife to recreate the same feeling that he is associating falling asleep with.

So, IIWM, I would start getting him use to falling asleep on his back in the first place. Shh/pat doesn't have to be on the back-you can modify it however it works for you and your little one. I ended up just patting my DD's leg, and then would just rest my hand on her after awhile.
Keep in mind too, that the ultimate goal is for them to learn how to fall asleep on their own, ( without any shh or pat) so you would also want to be patting less and less or stopping sooner and sooner before he falls asleep. As Chicane mentioned, it is a process and there will probably be some crying/fussing but if you stick it out, he will learn sooner rather than later as long as you stay consistent.
You mentioned that he fights it everytime-is there any chance that the shhing or the patting is too stimulating for him? If you think it might, then try experimenting to see if another variation works better.

You can tackle both at the same time (reducing the amount/time of patting and side sleeping) or one at a time.
If you keep him on his side, then I also agree with Ali and the swaddle should go for all the health/safety reasons she mentioned.

[Chicane]

Sorry - I didn't catch that he was still swaddled. Please do refer to the guidelines in that case...my mistake. In our experience DS is a tummy sleeper and still is at 2.5 yrs. However, I weaned the swaddle as soon as he was able to roll over by himself for the very reasons that Ali mentioned and we did a lot of daytime roll practicing...

Agree with Smurfette too - and would add that you are not in such a bad place to start a GW (gentle wean) of the current method - at the very least he is falling asleep in the cot which is a good thing! We had our own variation of shh/pat DS hated it the way its described in the books and preferred to be gently stroked on his head and a soft humming sound - I'll add that it took me until 6 months to work that out!

Also I would add that getting back on track after a trip can take a while. We travel a lot and it takes DS at least 2-3 weeks to adjust back to being home. But I would encourage you to post your routine (no matter how messy it seems to you) because the fact that you had it quite good at 3 months and that its not so good now could indicate that he needs a tweak in his A times...its a possibility...

[*Ali*]

We also did the patting on the hip area with lo on his back. Now we just hold a firm hand and repeat our sleepy phrase but he is older now.

FWIW my ds1 was never swaddled but started sleeping on his side a week after he turned 6mo and my ds2 was swaddled until 8mo and when we weaned he started sleeping on his side, almost his front (recovery position). I still put him on his back though and he can then choose which position he wants to sleep in. He moves from side to back and back again at various points throughout the night.

Good luck.