Please Help - cannot ST this baby!

[WillowsMama]

Hello! I am trying my best to follow the guidelines for sleep training, but the last week we seem to be going backwards.  My daughter is 3 months old today, but she was born 5 weeks early (if that matters).  Everything healthy, just early.  She is currently about 10.5 pounds.  We are breastfeeding, I work 4 days a week and pump and she takes the bottle just fine.

She WAS sleeping from 7pm until 2am most nights, but naps have always been an issue. She does not want to sleep and she fights it so much! Recently we realized we were becoming more and more dependent on the pacifier as a prop, so we read through the book and some posts here and decided to substitute the shh/pat to get her to sleep. Well, it's only been 2 days but it feels like a week.  She won't sleep at all during the day, yesterday she took a nap for about 20 minutes.  My poor husband spent most of his time shh/patting her all day, and she would drift off and look like she was going to stay asleep (he stayed in the room with shhing beyond when she looked like she was out), only to wake up 5 minutes later. Often the shh/pat doesn't work and we have to pick her up to calm her down. We are swaddling still, although sometimes she fights it.  She has definite tired signs: heavy eyelids, long blinks, yawn, but when we take her upstairs to put her down she wakes up again.  We try to put her in the crib, but we seem to have more luck with the little baby chair that vibrates.  When I got home yesterday I ended up nursing her to sleep and that's the only way I could get her to calm down enough to fall asleep, but she often just woke up 45 minutes later... All evening.  And last night she was up every 2-3 hours, acting hungry but really just wanting to nurse for comfort??? 

She doesn't have reflux, rarely spits up, no other health concerns.

I want to continue with this method and try to be consistent, but I need some hope that it will work, and some pointers on what I might be doing wrong.  Should we go back to using the pacifier? How long should we let her fuss/cry before going back in? (she usually just ramps up if we don't go in).  Are we expecting too much from her based on her age?

Thanks for your help!!!

[Smurfette]

Yes, it really does matter that she was born that early!
 If you take her adjusted age, then she is closer to just turning 2 months old biologically speaking, and will be closer to that stage of development. That means that at this stage of the game, I would be doing whatever it takes to get some sleep in her.
 Keep going with a consistent wind down routine, but keep the A times short and aim for her to be asleep (I know you can't control that, I just mean it as a goal ) around the 1hr-1.5hr mark if you aren't doing that already. If giving her the pacifier works, then use it for now. There will be months ahead later to wean it, but if it keeps all of you more rested, then go with it if you're comfortable.
It's also great that you're watching for sleepy cues! Keep doing that.
This is all a learning process for them and you, so don't be too hard on yourselves. She's still really young, but if you start with good habits now, then it will pay off later.
So-watch her sleepy cues and keep A times short, stick with a consistent wind down routine, give her the opportunity to try to self soothe when she mantra cries, but go in and soothe her when she needs it.
HTHs