So, I'm the prop =/

[:: ANA ::]

Hi everyone!
Please let me have your expert eyes on this, to see if there's hope for me! 

So, my spirited LO is 14mo.  For let's say the first 11 months of his life he was a great sleeper, I honestly didn't struggle very much with his sleeping...I just fed him, put him down usually awake, left the room and the magic happened.  Getting back on track after illness was also easy.

Well, not anymore 
Since May we have had: 2-1 transition, moving into a new house, HUGE SA, sick on and off (colds, fever, stomach infection, throat infection, you name it), traveling (MIL's surgery, sister engagement, cousin's wedding, holiday, etc.), never ending teething, developmental milestones (crawling, standing up-sitting down, cruising), etc. (Talk about having everything happen at the same time!  )

We started having NWs, EWs, nap refusal, obviously OT and, as you can imagine, a lot of AP.

In between ugly times I've tried PD, GW and WI/WO.  But with sooooo many interruptions I haven't been able to complete anything successfully!
Right now I'm at the point where he's finally STTN again with very rare NW or EW and he is napping consistently every day, so for that I'm the happiest mom on Earth.
 
But for nap and BT (after wind down) I just sit next to the crib with my hand patting the matress (to get him to lie down) and the rest of my body "hidden" somewhere...until he falls asleep (if I leave the room, as you can imagine, he cries, screams, and ends up going to sleep later, etc.).  Sometimes he grabs my hand, sometimes he lies on top of it, sometimes he rolls away.
I don't talk, no eye contact, no nothing, so (I think) he puts himself to sleep in a way, YK?
This usually doesn't take longer than 15-20min.

So, question #1: how bad is it that I'm staying in the room? (if I keep doing it, will I still be there when he's 15yo?  )
Question #2: how do I begin to fix this!? (we're traveling again in 3 weeks so I'm not feeling very encouraged to try anything right now but...at least have a plan for when we come back?)
Question#3: am I too chicken and just wish to spare myself all the screaming, crying and drama involved in removing the prop? 

Thank you!! 

[creations]

Wow, I'm pretty envious you had such a great sleeper for 11 months!

I would try one of these (or a combination):
1. reduce the patting of the mattress so that the hand becomes inanimate.
2. replace the hand with a lovey.  Something like a muslin square (what we use) is cheap, comforting, easily washable, easily replaceable (get a stack - LOs can't bare to loose their lovey).  Introduce it during the day as well as at sleep times.  Whenever you are having a snuggle time have the muslin square with you, nuzzled between you and LO, maybe against his face/on your shoulder for example.  Any upsets like a bump or fall include it in the comfort time.  LO would (hopefully) begin to associate the muslin with comfort from you.  At sleeps, hold the muslin in your hand, after a period of introduction move on a step by starting with both muslin and hand in the cot, then remove the hand.  If he gets upset replace hand, until calm then remove (GW).  Next step just put the muslin in the cot (or hand to him at wind down) and don't put your hand in the cot.  Next step leave the room.
3. GW of the hand without replacement with a lovey.  When he's calm remove the hand, if upset replace but remove again as soon as calmer.
4. I think I would be tempted to replace the hand with a key phrase, so although you are not giving verbal reassurance atm I would find it easier to remove the hand and give verbal reassurance, 'It's ok, I'm still here.  Sleepy time now.' because verbal reassurance can be given from outside the room too during GW.

I hope these ideas might help you some
x

[:: ANA ::]

Thanks you very much, creations!
I'll definitely try them ALL if needed, as soon as we get back from our trip in mid September.
Can't wait 

Thanks again