9 mo old waking 6x a night

[iheartcake]

Hi,
I'm at my wits end so hope someone will have some insight I'm missing into this.
My DS is a terrible sleeper.  Always has been.  When I read posts and they say "my son slept through for 2 nights at 6mo but then..." I want to cry in frustration.  The BEST we have ever had is 3 night wakings only and that felt like BLISS.

He will put himself to sleep in the evening after a [not so] quiet wind down of bath, chasing around the room to put on pjs with 3yr old big sister shouting in his face, into sleeping bag, quiet BF, story, other side, story into bed.  He's usually really chilled out and sleepy and ready to just roll over and go to sleep.

Then an hour later he'll be awake and crying, then 1.5 after that, then 2 after that, then 1 after that... so on and so forth until 6:30 when we get up.

Here is a typical EASY for us:

A 6:30
E 8:00 solids
S 9:50/10:00 (in buggy)
A 11:00
E 11:45 solids
S 2:30
A 3:30
E 4:45/5:00
S 7:00

I've left out the BF as they are a little more sporadic through the day.  Sometimes refused.

Pls what is happening here.
I've tried every sort of sleep training BTW and he just cries for up to 1.5hrs then rewind repeat the next night, never reducing and never getting any better.  And I'm worried I've given him brain damage as I've been trying for so long.

This is really starting to effect my marriage and my relationship with my poor DD (horrid short tempered OT Mummy)
Thanks x

[becj86]

My first thought is prop issues or some medical condition that results in pain - reflux or the like. Food allergies/intolerances?

What is his temperament?

His day looks pretty good to me, you could tweak it a bit to get a 1.5hr nap and a short one of 30mins or so but I don't think that's going to make a whole lot of difference here.

[iheartcake]

Thanks.  There must be a prop issue, I agree but then aren't you supposed to improve NW by removing the props?  Normally, I'll let him cry through the early wakings (I've tried being with him and [sorry] CC) and BF him around 10:30/11.  Then I usually feed him at 2:30, 4:30, 5:30 due to exhaustion/ too much crying already/ waking of poor DH who has to work for heavens sake!

If I don't feed him at 2:30, he'll wake and cry for ages anyway.  I just don't know what to do. 

Thanks for validating the day.  I never really know but it seems to feel right and work for him right now.
By day he is an absolute ANGEL.  The sweetest, smiliest, laughingest boy you've ever met.  He's just a devil by night.
There is never a hint of discomfort or anything throughout the day and I just am not sure I believe that these things can ONLY be felt at night.  What do you think?

When it comes to the NW, how would you respond?  Would you night wean and then see if the crying goes?  Would you just sit by his bed and say ssshh, it's ok?  Can it possibly be a mantra cry when hes standing up jumping up and down?

[iheartcake]

BTW I should mention he sleeps in our room in his own cot.  There's no getting around that as we only have a small 2 bed flat.  I have hung a curtain between us tho so he can't see me unless I want him to

[jessmum46]

I agree but then aren't you supposed to improve NW by removing the props?

Yes, but only if you are consistent with resettling without the prop.  Does he always BF to sleep at the later NWs?  When you say you let him cry through the earlier wakings, is it a mantra/settling cry or is he yelling for you?  I'd be inclined to say not a mantra cry if he's standing and yelling.............WDYT?

If you want to night wean, he's probably at an age where that's fine if he's getting plenty to eat during the day, BUT there will be crying because you are changing things and that's not what he expects.  If you make your mind up to do it, you need to be completely consistent and not cave in and BF to sleep, even if you're completely shattered - it just doesn't achieve anything to spend an hour trying to resettle then give up and BF.  Have you ever tried shh-pat or PUPD consistently (more just PD at this age)?  If he's crying properly, you need to be there with him, not leaving him to CIO alone.  If it's a mantra cry he's doing, it's fine not to intervene

Can DH take a few days off and help so you're not so worried about him getting up for work the next day?  Or can you start on a Friday night to get a couple of nights done (often the hardest) when there's no work in the morning?

(((Hugs))) and sorry it's been so tough for you x

[Erin M]

If he's not nursing well during the day, he's probably used to taking many of his calories at night - I see 4 feedings in there, and it's actually conceivable that he'd only need 4 at that age.  You might try to cut it down to the 2:30 feeding for a few nights, and like Katherine said, try shh-pat/PD to try to get him to sleep.  Do you think that dh could sleep on the couch or something?  Is there someone who can watch your dd during the day for a few days so you can catch some sleep while your ds naps the next day? 

[becj86]

There is never a hint of discomfort or anything throughout the day and I just am not sure I believe that these things can ONLY be felt at night.  What do you think?

Yes, it can only be 'felt' at night - DS is fine during the day with some things because there are distractions, but in the dark at night when there's nothing else to distract him, he is in pain and he notices it. I suggest thsi discomfort mainly because you say you've never had a good night. That's totally possible with a prop issue as well, but I don't want you to discount that possibility.

Agree with Katherine that you have to be consistent in whatever approach you take, or you won't achieve anything.

[lu-c-lu]

Hi, your not alone my son is the same an angel in the day and night comes and he wakes all over the place & I have tried everything, I was interested in the pain at night and the reflux? What are the signs? I wonder if this could be something to rule out for my little one _ thanks

[jessmum46]

Lu-c-lu - there's some reflux info here: Reflux 101 - General reflux information

If you're struggling to get a routine going why not start a new topic on the EASY board to get some specific help for your situation?