14 w/o baby - doesn't fall asleep and hard to get her drowsy

[songbird]

Hi all,

First time poster - hoping to get some advice from all you knowledgable moms out there!

My 14 week old girl sleeps really well at bed time and also at night (she generally falls asleep herself on the cot after the bedtime routine; she wakes once between 8pm to 7.30am, but can put herself back to sleep quite quickly after I put her back on her cot awake), but it's a completely different story at nap time.

I usually start the wind down routine with her around the 45-50 minute mark when she starts to look tired (my wind-down routine is swaddle while singing, put her on my lap briefly, then put her on her cot) but then she would just lie there, rubbing her eyes, yawning, sucking her hand (i.e. looking drowsy), but not going to sleep. After 10-15 minutes of this she would start to fuss then proceed to a coughing cry, I then pick her up and walk around the house, waiting for her to get to "drowsy but awake" in my arms so I can put her down again, but this can sometimes takes up to 30-40 minutes! When she is finally drowsy she will cry every time I put her down and I will have to go through another 30 minutes to get her to the "drowsy" state again - often somewhere between this she would cry herself to sleep in my arms.

Any advice on how to help her fall asleep quicker (and more independently) would be much appreciated! My arms are falling off from holding her all day!

Things I have tried

- low key activities - I have tried doing nothing with her except sitting her in the rocker and talking to her, but the outcome is still the same?

- a longer wind-down - rocking her in my lap for a bit longer - this doesn't really seem to relax her, instead she would start to get agitated and start kicking. Is my wind down routine not good? She seems a bit more drowsy if I just put her in the cot after wrapping asap, but still can't fall asleep?

- Shh-pat: I also always try shh-pat but while she calms when I do it over my shoulder, she hates shh-pat in the cot (starts screaming the second I roll her on her side, and patting her on the shoulder/chest doesn't seem to calm her down at all), but my wind-down routine doesn't really seem to relax her either. Carrying her/rocking also doesn't really do the trick.

She only naps a maximum of 45 minutes (except for when we go out and she can sleep 2.5hrs+ in the pram) and when she wakes up from her short nap, she's usually quite tired or cranky, so I'd try to put her down quite soon (but it never works quickly and will take another hour or so).

I feel like all I do with her all day is trying to get her to sleep! i've tried to cut down on A time but the outcome seems to be the same.

Pleaes help - thanks in advance!

[Papaya]

Hello and welcome

I think for sure she needs an A time increase - the average awake time for a 3 month old is more like 1hr20-30 mins so if you start getting her ready for a nap after 45 mins she's not going to be ready to wind down then and will resist the nap. Those tired signs you're seeing could be a bit of habit, ie she's acting sleepy when she's used to having a nap, or just boredom - change of scene please mom!

I would try to gradually extend your first A time so that you start your wind down around the 1hr10 mark earliest, aiming for her to be asleep by 1hr30. A low-key but interesting activity can help to distract her for the first few days while she adjusts to the longer A time - eg walking around the garden, looking out a window. Do you know what temperament she is?

If you get a good nap, do the longer A time again - if it's short, you may need to reduce the A time slightly to avoid OT.

What do you think? xx

[songbird]

Thanks Papaya! It's a great help to get tips!

My Lo is a textbook baby (well, except for the sleep part!) with a side of touchy.

I extended the A time and she went down a bit easier (shush pat actually worked for once!), it still took quite a while from the wind down to getting her asleep (30m) but at least there wasn't nearly as much crying so that's a big progress for me - is spending 30m settling baby to sleep (from start of 4s ritual to eyes closed) normal or is that quite a long time?? By that time she had been awake for 1:40 or more...

She had 4 short 45 minutes naps yesterday, woke up cranky from each one, so I assume she's not getting enough sleep. Tried shush pat to get her back to sleep but it didn't work so I was shushing her for almost 40 minutes till the next E time...I think I might just give up and play with her instead next time after a while, my arms are really sore and she just gets more and more alert! Is that ok? And if I do play with her, do the activities need to be low key? But then if that's the case, I would pretty much just be doing low key activities with her all day long since she always takes short naps only?

Thanks again!

[Papaya]

Glad to hear she went down a little easier.

is spending 30m settling baby to sleep (from start of 4s ritual to eyes closed) normal or is that quite a long time??

I think that's pretty good for when you first start using shh-pat to teach independent sleep The time to settle should gradually get shorter until it's more like 5-15 mins - some LOs will just go straight off when you put them down, others need a bit longer to settle themselves.

You can drive yourself mad trying to extend every nap - I'd try for 10-15 mins and if you can tell it's just not working, I'd get LO up and shorten the next A time a little. For sure play with her - later in the day especially you probably want to avoid anything super stimulating, but you'll get the feel for what she can handle.  And if you get a series of short naps throughout the day, you could always go out in the afternoon and try to AP a nap in the stroller, carrier etc to give you both a break! 

[songbird]

Thanks, the day naps have improved somewhat (it only takes her 30m to fallasleep instead of an hour, and I've managed to shush pat her back to sleep for some naps today), but she now won't go to sleep at.bed time

I used to be able to put her down after our bedtime routine awake and she would drift off to sleep by herself in about 20m. for the past two nights it's been taking close to an hour of singing and rocking to get her to sleep (she would cry every time we try to put her down and got wide awake) - is she sleeping too much during the day, or still OT? But she's actually napping more than before??

My day was really all over the place, though it's been like this for the past few weeks...the only thing is I've extended some of her naps and it takes slightly less time to settle her to sleep.

my day looked like this (sorry this is such a mess):
E 7.15
A 7.40 
S 8.50 - 9.35 (20m of settling from 8.30)
A 9.35 - 10.20
E 10.20
A 10.40 (started wind down at 11 as she looked tired and was cranky)
S 11.30 - 12.50 (woke up at 12.15 yawning, shush pat her back to sleep
A 12.50
E 1.20 (long feed 40 minutes she was really sleepy)
A 2 to 2.50 (last 30m was settling)
S 2.50 to 4
A 4 to 4.20
E 4.20 (another long feed)
A 5 to 6.15 (5.20 to 6.15 was settling!!)
S 6.15 to 6.50
A 6.50 to 7.30  (bath etc)
E 7.30 to 8

And still not asleep 1.5h later at 9.30!

Help please?? She usually just goes to sleep so easily after the last feed