15 month old - need to wean in 6 weeks

[Aliohare]

Hi there,

Firstly thanks in advance for any advice. I was hoping I would be able to do this easily but I don't think it is going to be. My LO is 15 months old and has been BF until now. I work from home, so it has been easy to feed her until now. I am however going to need to start going to work in 6 weeks, so want to have her completely weaned by then. I have been trying to do a gentle and gradual weaning for the last couple of months hoping that she would also lead but no luck. She loves bfeastfeeding!! The is a terrible eater and I am not sure this is because she is just holding out for breastmilk. She is also really small, so I have wanted to feed her for longer so I can make sure she gets as much healthy fat as possible. Feeding times is always tricky, she hates being in her high chair, and I can only get her to eat about 5 things...cheese, peas, raisins and then these she spits out. She will try and spoonfeed herself yoghurt but refuses to let you feed her (this started at about 10 months after she was sick).

I tried to get her taking a bottle of EBM from about 4 months but she never would and I eventually gave up. She now likes the idea of milk in either a sippy cup or bottle but never takes in very much (i know there's no point in getting her to take a bottle now, but I have to try everything).

So I really don't know what to do, but I either have to wean her or quit my job
She currently feeds at lunch and at bedtime, and then once during the night. She used to have a morning snack but I am stopping that which is making her really irritable, but I know I have to start somewhere. I am just not sure what the right approach is. I don't want to cause too much upset with this weaning process after trying for months, I realize I have to be consistent and follow though.

What would you recommend? Do I drop the lunchtime feed and just hope that she will eventually eat more? I know it is going to be really tough because she won't sleep then either as I am sure she will be hungry as she relies so much on this feed (I think).

Any tips or advice would be great!

Thanks
Alison

[Erin M]

Hi Alison!
Are you wishing to stop breastfeeding completely when you are at work, or only drop the feeds that you won't be there for?  At any rate, it seems as if you need to cut out the lunchtime feed.  I would try to distract her the best you can -- if there is a certain place where you do the feed, I'd avoid it.  Go somewhere different and offer a snack.  The other feeds can be dropped in the same manner (except the nighttime one -- most people have success with getting their LOs back to sleep by any means necessary other than nursing or having someone other than you try to settle her at the NWing). 

[*Ali*]

You will probably find the feeds that you are at work for.can be dropped easily when you go back to work. Many LOs just know when mama isn't there they don't feed and so the accept the sippy of cows milk or whatever the new caregiver gives. She may not take much to begin with bit will increase her intake once she gets used to not having you there for the BF in the day. I went away for the weekend for 48hrs and my LO just accepted that he wouldn't be fed by Daddy who was caring for him and took the milk or water he was offered instead. Daddy just offered it with meals and snack time, not as a replacement for the BFs. And we were doing 4 a day including one at night at the time. We do 3 a day now.

As Erin said the NF will be more tricky to wean and you will have to do that actively. That will be easier if your LO is going to sleep independently for naps and at BT.

Many people still feed when they can once they go back to work and even do extra feeds on the weekend when they are home all day. That could work for you perhaps if you are keen to keep BFing to help with her small size if you are worried about that.

Good luck.

[Aliohare]

Thanks so much for your advice. I am going to start with lunchtime, and during the night feeds first. I will continue the bedtime feed, but am quite keen to stop altogether...but gradually.

As you say, my concern is also her size, but let's see how it goes. I will keep you posted.

Thanks
Alison

[Erin M]

Good luck, sometimes it's not nearly as bad as you fear it's going to be!

[Aliohare]

So, I wanted to post an update and also ask for some advice on the next steps please?

As suggested I went with dropping the lunchtime feed and also the occasional morning snack (BF). I have been trying to get her to eat more, and although she is still terrible when in her high chair, I am able to get her to eat quite a bit on the trot - that with lots of water and a small amount of milk.
It has not been as bad as I thought it would be, although he does get very grumpy when I wont feed her and putting her down for her lunchtime nap is not easy. My DH has been doing it when he can, and although there is normally 20 mins or so of protesting she does go to sleep.

The questions are, what do I do next, and after how long should I try and drop another feed? I currently still feed her before bedtime and then once during the night - between 2 and 4 am. Do I try and drop the middle of the night one next? Would it make sense for DH to go in and try and settle her? Should we offer her milk if we can't calm her? Should I give her more time to up her calorie intake after dropping the lunchtime feed?

As you can see I have lots of questions...

Thanks
Alison

[*Ali*]

I would wean the NF next and yes it's a great idea for DH to tend to her instead. That is what we did when weaning the NF with my ds1.

I wouldn't wait. She may start taking more in the day once the NF is gone.

Sounds like you're doing great

[Erin M]

I'll add that I wouldn't offer milk, then you're just replacing one prop with another really.  Offer some water if you think thirst might be an issue, but otherwise just try to get her back to sleep without nursing.  She will definitely protest, but it you give in halfway, you'll only teach her that if she cries for a long time, then she'll get fed.

[Aliohare]

Thanks, that was my next question. My husband has been away but is now back so we are planning on stopping the night feed tomorrow night. I am nervous because for 15 months now she has had a night feed and is so used to that comfort. I am glad you mentioned not giving milk because that is what I was not sure about. I am just not sure what we do if she screams for hours and hours, but I guess we know - we have to just help her go back to sleep as she is not hungry!

I will let you know how it goes.

[Erin M]

Good luck sweetie!  It seems with many babies, that the first night is much harder than the nights that come after (or sometimes these LOs just surprise you and do great).   

[Aliohare]

Hi there...so an update...

3 nights ago we started, and it is going much better than we expected. The 2nd night it took 2,5 hours to get to sleep, but otherwise she has only woken up once and has been pretty happy to go back to sleep. Her eating has been amazing, and the funny thing is that one of the reasons I wanted to keep BF was because her eating was so bad - and I wanted to make sure she was getting enough (she is on the 3rd percentile for weight). In reality she is like a different baby...in the kitchen all the time asking for food.

Hopefully the nights will continue because I feel like a new person! I think I will wean completely now (my work situation is changing). What is the best way to proceed so that I make sure she doesn't feel deserted and is still getting enough calories?

Thanks!!

Alison

[Fiver]

Oh what a great update!   Well done.

There are lots of suggestions here - Weaning

Depending on how much of a hurry you are in, you could go down the 'don't offer, don't refuse' route, so you're not offering her the breast, but if she asks you nurse.

[Erin M]

Glad it's going well!  With lots of cuddles, she'll still know she's loved. 

[Aliohare]

Hi,

Sorry it has taken a while to post an update...well it went better than expected, and for the last 2 weeks Lily has been weaned. Luckily my husband was able to do bedtimes and night wake-ups because she is now settled and happy. The amazing thing is the amount she eats, and also that she now sleeps through - so we are all happy. She asked to be fed for the first week or after I weaned her but is settling into a good eating routine. My only concern is that she doesn't drink milk. She eats yoghurt and cheese, but won't drink milk from a bottle, sippy cup or normal cup. I give it to her in her cereal but that is all I can really get her to take.

Anyway, thanks so much for your advice!! It made all the difference!

Alison

[*Ali*]

What about adding in a milky dessert like rice pudding or semolina if you're worried she isn't getting enough?

Sounds like everyone is happier