Separation Anxiety/Getting over Illness - we are one big mess

[katie80]

Same thing happened yesterday and I thought "great...he's catching up a bit" and then we had a short night   So crossing my fingers that he does a better night after the nap today and maybe we can start heading in the right direction.

Crossing my fingers for you as well.  TBH though, with my DD who was never a long napper, the only way she caught up was with longer nights, not longer naps.  When he did the longer nap, did you keep BT the same or did you do it a bit later?  Sometimes I messed things up with her by pushing it a bit, because I was greedy for a later wake-up when really she needed the same BT to catch up.

I don't understand why we can't get back to our one nap?  He was super OT at the beginning of the transition....but I never had a problem putting down and he never slept shorter than 40 minutes.  Now....after the same amount of A time we're a mess.  It's been a while now....I would think things would be starting to improve by now.

I think this could actually be from his molars.  I know you don't think they're bothering him much, but they are big teeth and often move slow and can really mess up sleep.  The only other thing I could think of would be a touch more A time, but from the routines you first posted, he's already doing that, and because he's pretty OT, I think that's doubtful.

(((Hugs))) hon, I know it's exhausting.

[KimMackay]

I have a completely miserable child on my hands

I agree now and think that the molars are giving us more problems.  Only one is completely cut and the other 3 are only partially....so they must be hurting. 

Today he basically cried all day.  Fine with just my  husband while I got myself ready for the day...but once he left for work and it was just the 2 of us...completely miserable.  The only time he was happy today was when I was standing and holding him or when he was eating.  I swear he wanted to eat all day long.  He cried every time I put him down, every time I left the room, every time I just walked to the other side of the room.  Any time I'm doing something in the kitchen he's crying at my legs and trying to push me away from the counter. 

After our crappy 45 min nap I decided to get the heck out of the house and go to the mall.  He'll usually just chill out in the stroller and at least I can enjoy some quiet and drink my coffee.  Lasted maybe 30 minutes and then crying....lots of crying.  Had to leave

I'm making one more EBT attempt tonight and then if he wakes super early, it's back to a later BT because I just can't handle the 5am WU's we're getting.  He used to wake 5:30/45am but then rolled around in his crib for a good 30-45 min before I got him.  Now he's waking at 5am (or 4:50am like today) and immediately standing and crying. 

After our long nap yesterday of 1hr50 (only 30 min on his own) I put him to bed a bit early still, knowing that he would still need more sleep....and got a 10h night.  We just can't do long naps like that here.  It totally screws up our nights and then he's miserable.  I would much rather the longer night and shorter nap.

I would give anything to get back to our routine here....

Sorry for the rant....this is draining everything out of me

[*Kara*]

Huge hugs Kim... Molars are wicked.  They really do take teething to a whole new level in terms of pain.  Alexandra was totally like Nolan is now.. refused to be put down, sobbed at my feet.. crappy naps, short nights... EW.  The whole bit.

Advil hun..

[katie80]

Huge hugs Kim... Molars are wicked.

I agree!  It really does sound like teeth.  We are in a similar place with the behavior as well.  G's bottom eye teeth are coming through and he's doing the same things: asking to be held a lot, pushing me away from the kitchen counter, etc.  It's really tiring, I get it.  I have to remind myself often that he's doing it because he's hurting, and then it's easier to deal with (no less tiring, though).  (((Hugs)))

[KimMackay]

So what's the best way to handle it?  I feel horrible for him because I know he's truly upset and uncomfortable.....but there are things that need to be done. 

Still getting crying every day for naps and BT.  Crying hasn't been as bad for the naps and hasn't been lasting nearly as long....however today the nap didn't happen at all on his own.  He's been going to sleep every day within at least 10-15 min....and today he tried with minimal crying...however he just rolled around doing a whining kind of cry.  It seemed to me like he just wanted to go to sleep but couldn't because the meds just weren't enough.  He tried for a while....I knew it wasn't going to happen, so I caved and picked him up for him to sleep on me.  Today was just bad....4:15am WU screaming crying and the difficulty falling asleep for his nap.  It was just one of those days I had to APOP.

I really do pray that the teeth are causing all of this....I don't know what we're going to do if it's something else.

I keep saying to myself "this too shall pass"....but God, please let it pass some time soon.

[KimMackay]

Another question....

We had a horrible horrible night.  After first round of advil wore off he woke up (around 12:30am) and from then on it was awful.  Took nearly an hour to get him back down and then he woke a lot after.  For his nap...he screamed through multiple attempts.  It could be from the pain.....or it could be because he was ticked after I picked him up yesterday.

During this horrendous time that we're going through should I be continue to just stay in the room and make him figure it out.....or should I be APOP?

I feel horrible doing this if he's in a lot of pain....but at the same time, if I let him sleep on me (which is the only other option....won't PD if I try putting down asleep) then we'll be starting from scratch once this is all over.  He slept on me for probably 10 months in total (HUGE set back when hospitalized for a week) and it's not a road I want to head down again, ykwim?

[katie80]

So what's the best way to handle it?  I feel horrible for him because I know he's truly upset and uncomfortable.....but there are things that need to be done. 

It is hard, and a lot of the time you just have to do what you can to get through the day.  Do you have a carrier he is content in?  G is a bit of a hair puller, but will sometimes be happy on my back in the Ergo.  Is there a little, somewhat insignificant snack that he likes?  G will still eat puffs and Cheerios, so I put him in the high chair with some (read: a bunch ) of those so I can work on dinner, etc.  Or a new favorite is markers on sticky notes.  They're washable, so even if he writes on the high chair it's no big deal.  At this age, I could give Claire crayons, but G still takes a bite out of one every time I give him one, so we're using markers.

I feel horrible doing this if he's in a lot of pain....but at the same time, if I let him sleep on me (which is the only other option....won't PD if I try putting down asleep) then we'll be starting from scratch once this is all over.  He slept on me for probably 10 months in total (HUGE set back when hospitalized for a week) and it's not a road I want to head down again, ykwim?

It's really your call.  It stinks that the only way to APOP him is on you, because it's such a prop for him.  He might go back to sleeping on his own easier the next time, but if he's putting up more of a fuss today because of you holding him yesterday, that seems doubtful.  If you don't want to go back there, then I wouldn't.  Give him pain meds when you feel comfortable and stay consistent.  Hopefully, it won't last too long.

(((Hugs))), it sounds like you've had a really rough few days.

[KimMackay]

We've had a really rough month....and a brutal few days

Maybe I will try the carrier...haven't used it in forever.  He's so big and I'm so little....never really thought about strapping him to my back, but I think he may really like it.  Definitely worth a try!

It seems to be very up and down with our naps.  Some days he cries for a min and then goes to sleep...other days it's taken multiple attempts.  He's not doing very long on his own....longest was today at 50 min...I've been picking him up to extend.  There's no way we can survive on a 50 min day when up so early.  I got a good look in his mouth finally....and there's definitely serious cutting going on right now with 3 molars.  We've had ridiculously EW's.....like 10hr nights, waking 4:30/45   Sooooooooooo awful.  My DH and I are just exhausted.

One thing I've been wondering....could longer naps be robbing his night sleep? I've been picking him up to extend his naps and he's been sleeping way longer than usual.  Napping 1.5hr - 1h50 (way long for him...totally out of the ordinary) and it's been after these days that he's waking after a 10hr - 10h15 night?  With his 1hr10-20 naps before he was sleep 10h45-11hr.  He hasn't done anything longer than 10.5 since getting sick 3 weeks ago.

If this is the case....should I push BT and take the shorter night or cut the nap and get the longer night?

Only thing that has changed....the past 2 nights he has gone to bed without crying.  This is a first in two weeks.

[KimMackay]

...need to add that he's been getting up at 4:45am the past several days....can't get longer than a 10hr night right now and it's KILLER

[katie80]

Ugh, that's awful.  Sorry, Kim.

I'm not really sure what to tell you, re: the nap.  I've never had LSN kids, they've both been pretty average.  There does seem to be a correlation to the longer nap and shorter night, but I just can't imagine that long term that would be enough for him.   Shorter nights are quite common when teeth (esp molars) are coming through.  I'd give it a week or so and if the night is still so short, then I might be tempted to cut the nap back (just so you don't have to be getting up so early).  He's never been one that's easy to resettle, right? So, I think he must really need that sleep if he's falling back to sleep on you every day.

[KimMackay]

No...he'll never resettle if I go in there.  He has to be left alone....which I can't bring myself to do if he's really giving it a good cry.  I think part of the problem is that when he was sick and doing short nights, we were picking him up and letting him finish his night out on us.  He was so tired and needed his sleep....so we just did it.  Now, I think he's just expecting it...and automatically waking. 

This morning we just left him. His crying never got bad...and after about 15 min he laid back down and tried to go back to sleep.  Wasn't very successful though....he laid there for quiet a while, so at least it was restful, but he probably only slept about an extra 10 minutes between 4:40am and 5:30am when he woke and was up for good.  Does he just need to get used to doing it on his own again?

As for going back to sleep on me for the nap....it's never been as easy as it's been now.  It used to be a fight to get him to sleep 1hr10-20 min.....but now he's doing it no problem.  He's definitely tired....but I think it's mainly because of the short night and the huge A time before the nap. 

[katie80]

This morning we just left him. His crying never got bad...and after about 15 min he laid back down and tried to go back to sleep.  Wasn't very successful though....he laid there for quiet a while, so at least it was restful, but he probably only slept about an extra 10 minutes between 4:40am and 5:30am when he woke and was up for good.  Does he just need to get used to doing it on his own again?

Maybe so.  I think it's worth giving it a try.  Don't go to him unless you really need to in the mornings and see if he starts to go back to sleep a bit on his own.  I know he's LSN, but this seems really low.

[KimMackay]

Agreed....the 10hr nights are way low for him.  He used to closer to 11hrs with a 1h10-20 nap and that was good.  The 10 hours...not good.

It looks like we are slowly but surely improving.  He's not standing and crying the second he wakes in the morning and it's slowly getting longer than 10hrs. 

He's still crying every time I put him down for his nap, but it usually lasts about 10 seconds and then he is lying down.  I hope some day soon he'll just stop crying again all together.  It's been going on for a couple weeks now.  He only slept 1h15 for his nap today....all on his own.  This was a first in a couple weeks as well.  He's been waking at 40 min and I've had to extend for the rest.

So things are starting to get better.  We're not back to "normal"....but we're getting there.  I'm sure once we finally do...something else will happen to mess it all up again lol.  Can't wait for the canines :s

[katie80]

Sounds like progress, that's great!   FX the crying before the nap stops soon, it could be just his way of settling for now.  They go through different and sometimes weird stages in that way.

Can't wait for the canines :s

Ha, we're dealing with those right now, but close to being done.  It depends on the kid... for my DD, both sets of molars were worse than canines.  For DS, they've been about the same; not great, but not horrible.  The molars did take much longer to push through, though.

[KimMackay]

Still having short nights though We've had 2 10.5hr nights and the rest 10 - 10h15.  Haven't had an 11 hour night since the time change

So we're having huge A times before the nap...therefore waking early for the nap...needing the extension because of the short night...but then sleeping another short night because of the longer nap.  Today he slept 1hr40 and I let him because he slept a 10h15 night and I know he needed the sleep....but I guarantee he does a super short night now.

How am I supposed to pull out of this?

I hope the canines come through faster.  The molars took us a good month here.